Obligated to stay with babies dad?

bbaccino · April 2014

Does anyone else feel the need to stay with there babies dad even if the relationship is terrible?

My boyfriend and I have been together four years and have a five month old baby. Our relationship has always been rocky but recently I can't even stand the person be has become but I'm terrified to leave him, I have tried and tried and tried to fix things and it seems like it's just time to give up.

However the picture of him having another girl around my daughter breaks my heart. He is not the greatest judge of character and honestly I couldn't trust him to watch our LO unsupervised. It's things like that and my poor daughter having to grow up in a split home that keep me unhappily with my boyfriend.

What would you do?

LucilleAustero · April 2014

I would not stay with him. Call a lawyer, call a counselor, let your friends and family know what is happening because you will need a support system. Good luck.

Unknown · April 2014

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[Deleted User] · April 2014

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jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

Your DD will learn what normal relationships are by watching you. If she grows up watching you suffer in a miserable relationship with her father, she will be more apt to stay in miserable relationships as she gets older.

If you and her father want to work things out, then by all means, give it all you've got. Go to counseling and do the hard work of repairing what is broken. But if you're the only one trying, you need to lead by example. Pursue your own happiness and wellbeing, and show your daughter how important that is.

billybumbler · April 2014

You shouldn't be with someone out of obligation. My DH's parents got divorced when he was 18 and he says the only thing bad about the divorce is that it didn't happen sooner. His childhood was miserable with parents who were clearly unhappy but stayed together for his sake.

Re: this:

"However the picture of him having another girl around my daughter breaks my heart. He is not the greatest judge of character and honestly I couldn't trust him to watch our LO unsupervised."

He is her father. He has as much a right to see his daughter unsupervised as you do. This right should only be taken away if there is something bad going on, not because you feel uncomfortable about the life he will hypothetically live.

kcisthebombdotcom · April 2014

I would try counseling first. I think during a child's first year isn't a great time to end a relationship--it's a really challenging time in life. I was very unhappy in my marriage at that point but things are about a billion times better now.

angelashly · April 2014

I would never stay. I may try all options before leaving, but I would never want my DD to be stuck in a house where her parents fought all the time or where there was so much tension.

angelashly · April 2014

I would never stay. I may try all options before leaving, but I would never want my DD to be stuck in a house where her parents fought all the time or where there was so much tension.

angelashly · April 2014

I also agree with the first year being hard. We had the worst year of our relationship that year. Good luck with whatever you decide.

angelashly · April 2014

I also agree with the first year being hard. We had the worst year of our relationship that year. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Unknown · April 2014

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ByeBabyBunting · April 2014

I feel obligated to try harder to make it work, but you both have to be all in on that. If you BF isn't interested in trying to improve things then you could go to counseling on your own. They can help you decide what to do going forward. If there isn't any abuse then I wouldn't rush the decission either.

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