Disturbing dreams :/

ceneidert · April 2014

I had multiple dreams last night that I lost my baby. I think in part its because I accidentally clicked on a couple of posts yesterday about other women who lost their babes at the mark I am pregnant (18 weeks) or right around there. I haven't felt any movement yet and that just makes me worry even more. My husband has been reassuring me that it's a very small percentage of pregnancies that end in loss this far into the game, but I still can't help but be freaked out now. I tossed and turned all night and woke up feeling crampy (all in my head, I know).

Anyone else dealing with stuff like this? I just want to know I'm not weird or whatever. I'm just ready to see it and hear it again on May 2nd! That's when we also find out the sex!! So excited for that part!!

Emmy916 · April 2014

I had dreams like that around 16w … they were soooo disturbing that I couldn't even tell my husband about them. However, at 19w2d I just felt my baby kick for the first time. At first I thought it was a stomach gurgle but after the 3rd time i knew it had to be the little one!

aliciak316 · April 2014

I used to have dreams like that all the time with my first, not so much with this one. I would also had dreams I would find random dead babies (and other disturbing things)and would wake up crying and be sad all day. Thankfully I haven't had any of the experiences yet, unfortunately I think it's pretty common. My husband told me I need to stop watching the investigation discovery channel and I'm beginning to agree.

RedBaramid · April 2014

With all of the losses, I have had a few sad dreams and woke up really upset. DH has been super supportive with me and has been reminding me that it's okay to be scared and nervous. He hasn't even once tried to tell me we'll be okay or that this isn't dangerous (I'm an angry realist so although it may be nice to say everything will be okay, those statements just make me angry and make me cry more). I feel like I'm more thankful for everyday that I remain pregnant at this point than I was early on.

AnyMax · April 2014

Did I read that correctly? You "accidentally" clicked on the loss posts? Did you bother to offer your condolences while you were accidentally in them? FFS.

ashaw512 · April 2014

AnyMax said:
Did I read that correctly? You "accidentally" clicked on the loss posts? Did you bother to offer your condolences while you were accidentally in them? FFS.

This is about the only part of this post I saw, after reading accidentally it kind of blurred.

portentosa · April 2014

I totally get your fears, you are not alone. I have cried a lot for the losses our board has suffered, worried about my own LO, and felt incredibly lucky and happy that I still have him/her. It's a roller coaster of emotions.

Sadly, the statistics match up with what has happened on our board...but these ladies aren't statistics....I'm a little put off that you 'accidentally' found your way in a couple of the loss threads but did not offer any words of support to the families suffering right now while you were in there.

Eta: Darn you Max. I need to type faster. But yeah, what Max said.

MrsLaLaBug · April 2014

ceneidert said:

I had multiple dreams last night that I lost my baby. I think in part its because I accidentally clicked on a couple of posts yesterday about other women who lost their babes at the mark I am pregnant (18 weeks) or right around there. I haven't felt any movement yet and that just makes me worry even more. My husband has been reassuring me that it's a very small percentage of pregnancies that end in loss this far into the game, but I still can't help but be freaked out now. I tossed and turned all night and woke up feeling crampy (all in my head, I know).

Anyone else dealing with stuff like this? I just want to know I'm not weird or whatever. I'm just ready to see it and hear it again on May 2nd! That's when we also find out the sex!! So excited for that part!!

I don't think you are weird for having a bit of anxiety because of some bad dreams. I know I've had that experience before.

I do think it's weird that you said you "accidentally" clicked on the loss posts yet didn't offer any condolence or support...how does that happen?

ceneidert · April 2014

I'm not a complete asshole, AnyMax. I have also experienced loss before - which is why I've been so terrified. But by all means, take an innocent statement and turn it into something bigger. The posts were titled things that I thought maybe I could relate to, and then turned into actual late losses. Thank you for making me feel like a jerk for "accidentally" clicking on them, though. Way to support people when asking for similar experiences.

JustCricket · April 2014

ceneidert said:

I'm not a complete asshole, AnyMax. I have also experienced loss before - which is why I've been so terrified. But by all means, take an innocent statement and turn it into something bigger. The posts were titled things that I thought maybe I could relate to, and then turned into actual late losses. Thank you for making me feel like a jerk for "accidentally" clicking on them, though. Way to support people when asking for similar experiences.

You don't ACCIDENTALLY click on loss threads.... and then proceed to NOT comment on them and offer support. I mean it takes 2 seconds to respond.

ETA- if you want support... for feelings pretty much everyone on this board is feeling right now... show some sympathy and support yourself.

AnyMax · April 2014

ceneidert said:
I'm not a complete asshole, AnyMax. I have also experienced loss before - which is why I've been so terrified. But by all means, take an innocent statement and turn it into something bigger. The posts were titled things that I thought maybe I could relate to, and then turned into actual late losses. Thank you for making me feel like a jerk for "accidentally" clicking on them, though. Way to support people when asking for similar experiences.

I get the guilt trip you are trying to throw at me there, but it isn't working, sweetie. You did then said something shitty.

Do you want to start a pissing match?
Way to support the women here who have had losses.

LucilleAustero · April 2014

I am sorry that you have been having bad dreams. I have PPOCD and still deal with horrible dreams and instrusive thoughts 2.5 years after my DD was born. They are awful and can seriously fuck up your head.

I am also sorry that reading about other womens' losses is a trigger for you and brings back thoughts of your own loss. I think all of us that have had a loss can relate to that fear and emotion.

But, a simple 'I am sorry" can mean so much to someone that is grieving a late loss. Just that aknowledgement that their baby was born and existed and passed on, it can mean so much. If you find yourself accidentally clicking on to a loss post again, please consider writing a quick little note.

portentosa · April 2014

mamakate12345 said:
Terrible dream last night that I actually gave birth and woke up at home without the baby and had to search for him in the hospital. I have crazy dreams almost every night and did with all of my pregnancies. It is normal.

One in every thread.

Eta: sorry about your dream last night.

mrsdanielleM2010 · April 2014

TL; DR: give support to get it.

Living PGAL is one of the hardest things I have had to do - other than handle my own losses - so OP I get the increased anxiety. I have also had terrible dreams, and I've talked about them on this board, and been comforted by the women on this board. I'm really grateful for the support I've had here.

That said, when you choose to be a part of a community where loss is a tragic part of life, you don't get to be dismissive. When my S14 girls go through the worst nightmare we all have, I owe them thoughts and prayers, condolences, and support in whatever way I can handle. So do you.

MMason12 · April 2014

Having a PGAL brain I can understand your concerns. I hit the 14 week mark and my PGAL brain had finally calmed down and said "okay, we got this!". I even put my Doppler away and only heard her at my official doctors appointments.

This past week we have all been reminder just how special and fragile our pregnancies are. Reading the loss posts have caused my PGAL brain to kick into complete over drive. I have used my Doppler more this week than I have all pregnancy. And I haven't felt a single movement or flutter (thanks titled uterus) which stresses me out, specially every time I see all the other ladies who are feeling movements already.

However, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering these Moms are struggling with. I could never imagine glossing over it and not offering them my support. Each night I says I prayer for all the May 14 and Sept 14 Momma's who have lost their angel babies.

OP: I am mobile and cannot see tickers. But as hard as those posts can be for some to read -- as someone who has had to write one -- they are even harder to write. It really means a lot to have the support of others from this group and to know they took the time read and comment on the post you wrote.

ashaw512 · April 2014

ceneidert said:
I'm not a complete asshole, AnyMax. I have also experienced loss before - which is why I've been so terrified. But by all means, take an innocent statement and turn it into something bigger. The posts were titled things that I thought maybe I could relate to, and then turned into actual late losses. Thank you for making me feel like a jerk for "accidentally" clicking on them, though. Way to support people when asking for similar experiences.

I just don't understand how you "accidentally" clicked on them. The ones from the past couple of weeks (that are still open wounds for S14) say loss mentioned in the title. You can't accidently click on a loss mentioned thread and READ it and call it an accident, especially if you think you can relate to it. I'm sorry your having bad dreams BC you read the post. You just dont make sense to me.

AnyMax · April 2014

Hey @lindsayhilleary‌, I PPH you :x

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Disturbing dreams :/

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