Other FTMs: Do others' parenting complaints freak you out?

2redtulips · April 2014

I am a FTM, and I find myself getting annoyed by and shying away from people who complain about their children's behavior - toddlers especially. I know the road ahead is going to be tough in a lot of ways, but I also know there will be really good days.

I am not trying to be ignorant or naive about what parenting has in store for me, but I do want to hang onto a feeling of excited anticipation for this baby, you know?

I mean, if billions of people continue to have children, it can't be all bad, right?

shaylagirl · April 2014

No lies, there have been times in the last 16+ years where I could have happily throttled my son, and done it with love.

The truth is; the good outweighs the bad. And, as cliche as this sounds, oh my, the time goes by soSoSO fast. I remember when DS started kindergarden. That first day, my mind went "12 years to go. It's so far away."

And now, here it is. He'll be a Junior in HS next year. He's DRIVING! He has a JOB!! He's in the Marine Corps. JROTC program, and...it takes my breath away to see my son looking like a grown adult in his uniform. He's so grown up!

But, I can't stop thinking about that chubby-faced little boy who held my hand as we walked to school on that first day. That little boy who would watch "Pocahontas" over and over and over again (oh my GAWD how annoying that was!). And now, I'd do anything to have those days back again.

And I think to myself "Wait, I DO get to experience that all over again. I can't wait to watch some Disney movie on loop, over and over and over again. I can't wait for that first day of school so I can experience it all over again. And we get to do Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny! Halloween costumes!!" Heck, I even find myself smiling when I hear youngsters screaming and yelling and freaking out in public lately; because that TOO is a part of parenting. What can I say, I'm weird.

Cliche or not; it goes fast. You're right, it isn't all bad. On his bad days when he was little (and sometimes, even lately), I just say "This too, shall pass." And it did and it does. Sleepless nights. Temper tantrums. All of it. It'll pass.

And it's totally worth it.

MommyAtty · April 2014

Both pregnancies, the sound of a baby or toddler crying would about make me come unglued. So I completely get where you're coming from. I wanted to hold on to the image in my head of me holding my newborn and singing quiet lullabies while she stared up at me lovingly. Lol. STM here, but I'm still unglued by people who tell me horror stories of their little kids' behavior. I have an employee who has a 3 yo who has never slept thru the night. I told him he's no longer allowed to tell me about that. (And btw, I've decided his problem is user error, not a bad kid. They've encouraged her bad sleep habits. It totally will not happen to me.)

nikkiuk · April 2014

I would try to pay very little attention to other people moaning about their kids. Your experience will be different. My daughter has been an absolute angel from birth and still is at 21 years old - but there have been, and still are, moments when I could have throttled her. My son was more challenging as a toddler but never, ever with either of them would I change a thing. That's kids, everything they do is a learning curve. And time really does fly by, so while you might be in the midst of the week from hell with tantrums and challenging behavior from a naughty toddler, it's such a fleeting time in the scheme of things.

As @shaylagirl says - the good times always outweigh the bad. It might not feel like it at the time (hence the moaning parents) but on reflection they really do.

Smile and nod, smile and nod

MrsL2B · April 2014

Listening to my friends and coworkers complain about their kids certainly influenced my decision to wait so long to have one. Hopefully I just know a lot of crabby people and the reality won't be so bad.

Lisasugar · April 2014

and ... just for fun, look at yourself. I'm sure you weren't a bag of lollies growing up all those years. Your mom absolutely adores you and wouldn't have changed it for the world

well that's the way I've been looking at things lately (obviously there will be gray areas but I'm not going there)

springbeduk2 · April 2014

Hmmm ... 16 years of teaching mostly first grade has meant plenty of parenting horror stories (and horror shows ...) and certainly might be at least a little part of why I waited so long to TTC, (I get to spend time with kids every day, which was enough for a while, plus then there are things like, it is incredibly common for first graders' parents to say their behavior is a million times worse at home than at school, for example ... or the scary (as situations where there's a really really difficult chid and parents who seem to be doing everything right) but ... really - no, parents complaining doesn't really bother me too much. Well actually sometimes it bothers me for the sake of the children involved when it seems like one of those situations when I'd like to just get that child out of the home if the parents are so nutty/miserable/can't handle things. But that's bothering me more as a teacher than as an expectant mom. Most people I really talk with and care to have conversations with express a point of view much like @shaylagirl that the joyful moments outweigh; the time goes by faster than seems possible; that even the super-annoying things and difficult times can be looked back at in a funny/fond way, etc. so I guess that helps. And other people, who want to focus on the negatives all the time - I just don't pay too much attention to them in general, whether it's about kids/pregnancy or other stuff.

2ndGeneration · April 2014

I'll be honest-all my kids slept and ate relatively well, were active but not insane toddlers, and are presently awesome teens (or so)!!!

So I don't really have parenting horror stories. I've heard tons but that wasn't my experience.

Jennoskcaj · April 2014

The parenting AND pregnancy horror stories are very irritating to me at this point. I think since DH and I were trying to conceive for so long and wound up having to go through 3 years of IVF treatments it makes it even worse. Even women in my immediate family who know of our journey are so oblivious that they can't help themselves but talk CONSTANTLY about out how tough their pregnancies were and how hard the first weeks, days, years, etc. are. People are just ridiculous. It usually starts out with the fake "how are you feeling?" Bait question...then it's all downhill from there. I've vowed to myself to not be "one of those women" after DD is born!!

DTNZ4Ever · April 2014

Over the past 5 years with DS I have found that everything is a phase. As quickly as it starts it is over. You have to learn to love each phase even the bad because it really does fly by and you will be wondering how your once up all night infant or your tantrum throwing toddler is now entering kindergarten.

MommyAtty · April 2014

mary97 said:

We've actually have looked at some of our friends parently complaints as things not to do. We know our daughter will have her moments but it seems like many of the things our friends complain about are their own doing. Like complaining their kids is being a brat today only to find out they didn't have their nap, well no wonder.

We did that too. For example, friends whose 8 and 5 year olds who won't sleep in their own beds, which has made both parents miserable and really harmed their marriage, convinced us that bed-sharing wasn't for us. It is fantastic for some people, but just not for us. Something else it taught me is to parent with purpose, not accidentally. A lot of people with bratty kids look shell-shocked when everyone within a mile radius can go, "Well, duh, if you feed your kid crap, let them get over-tired, and then expect them to sit still for 2 hours when they are 3 years old, you've just guaranteed yourself failure and you've made your kid miserable."

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