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September 2014 Moms
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Before Baby Brunch (not a shower) opinion

FloridaSun82FloridaSun82 member
in September 2014 Moms
Let me start by saying that I had a lot of fertility problems and think I have post-traumatic stress disorder from the whole experience. I am very cautious about the pregnancy and haven't made any public announcements at 20 weeks pregnant. I don't love the idea of having a shower because I'm worried to jinx something (I'm crazy) and am planning on doing a Sip and See after the baby is born.

HOWEVER, I have a close-knit group of girlfriends who are all asking if I want to do something or have a shower. What I really want is to just go out for brunch with my good friends prior to the baby being born and life getting crazy! I don't want anyone to feel obligated to pay for the whole thing and think people should just pay for themselves, and I am not necessarily expecting people to bring gifts.

With that said, I'm very close with my mother and she has known this group of friends for the last 14 years, too. I would like her to come. Is it TERRIBLE if I don't invite my MIL and SIL? My SIL lives 3 hours away, so that's my excuse. It's not a shower, it's a brunch with friends, why would you drive 3 hours for that?. My MIL, on the other hand, lives 10 minutes away... However, she is a VERY difficult person to be around. She's already announced that she doesn't believe in baby showers (although she's gone to both of my SILs showers) and I know that if she were there, I would need to make sure she was entertained and not saying anything rude to anyone at the table. It would just completely change the vibe of my laid back, last brunch with friends, brunch BUT I don't want to overly offend her either. I don't think that she'd ever find out, but you never know.

What do you think?
Me (31) - PCOS with insulin resistance

4 rounds of Clomid = no response
IVF # 1 - ET (1 3AA, 4 frosties): 12/22 = BFP
EDD: 9/9/2014

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Re: Before Baby Brunch (not a shower) opinion

  • ShanadollShanadoll member
    I don't think you need to invite them at all. 

    I am having two showers and my MIL isn't invited to either of them for similar reasons. Especially since its not going to be a big to-do! You want a day out before your life gets crazy and it sounds like her being there will negate the purpose for the day :)
    Me - 26 - Suspected PCOS
    DH - 28 - Slightly low T and low morphology

    Jan 2011 - Stop BCP
    Jan/Feb 2013 - Normal hormone panel/HSG - tubes clear
    April 2013 - DH's bloodwork and SA - low T and 0% morphology - Start DH on Clomid and vitamin regimen 
    May 2013 - start metformin for PCOS but ended up stopping in July 2013 due to elevated liver function
    Sept 2013 - first RE appointment/follow-up SA shows 2% morph!!
    October 2013 - IUI #1 - 50mg Clomid CD4-8, 100mg Clomid CD12-16, Ovidrel - BFN
    November 2013 - IUI #2 - 5mg Femara CD4-8, Ovidrel - Chemical pregnancy :'(
    December 2013 - IUI #3 - 5mg Femara CD3-7, Ovidrel - BFP!!!!!!! Beta 1: 157, Beta 2: 636 (doubling time 35.67 hours)
    January 14, 2014 - Viability ultrasound - Measuring 7w4d with a beautiful heart beat of 146bpm!!!
    February 17, 2014 - NT scan - Everything looks perfect! Heartbeat of 162bpm!
    April 3, 2014 - AS scan - Still looks perfect! Heartbeat of 135bpm :) It's a BOY!!!
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  • whataboutsciencewhataboutscience member
    If it's just a brunch, I see no problem with inviting whoever you want. Are you absolutely set against a shower though? If your 20 week a/s goes well, maybe consider it. It sounds like your friends and family want to help you get ready for the baby. You and DH won't have to buy as much on your own then. I understand your fears, but you know a shower can't actually "jinx" you. Just something to think about since it sounds like your friends are supportive.
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  • StacylaraeStacylarae member
    If I were you I would just call it brunch with friends and not say anything about the baby. That solves your problem of someone feeling like they need to pay for it and if you should invite the ILs.

    If it's just about seeing your friends before you're going to be busy with baby, I see no reason to make it a big deal to your mil.

    If it's really going to be a shower that pictures will be up on Facebook and people will talk about you might hurt you mil when she finds out she wasn't included.
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  • ashaw512 ashaw512 member
    Don't invite your in laws if they will cause drama. It won't be fun for you or them or your friends. You need to keep it low key, no invitations bc then it would be formal like a shower. If there are pics that's fine, your friends wanted to have a brunch with you, that means you don't have to invite family bc its only your friends. So who cares if its on FB, if the in laws are upset about a brunch then they can do something for you. Your mil doesn't do showers anyway so why even bother with her, I know its not a shower, you will probably get presents, your mil can get you a present if she wants. Your SIL is to far away for brunch, you could have a casual lunch with her one day in the future if she wants to give you gifts and you both could maybe meet half way.
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  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    I think it is your baby and pregnancy and you should have exactly what you want, and how nice that your friends want to do this for you (my circle of girlfriends is the same way, and I suspect they'll do something similar for me).  I think that since your mom knows your friends and your MIL and SIL don't, that makes it appropriate for her to be included.  Really, it's no different than just getting together with your girlfriends -- as you said -- before life gets crazy for a while.  
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  • kirstynikolekirstynikole member
    I agree with some of the PP if there is anything baby or present related at this brunch it makes it a shower. I understand sometimes ILs can be difficult however I think if they found out you did have some sort of baby brunch/party that it would cause more of a headache than it's worth.

    whataboutscience  that it sounds like your friends would love to celebrate this special time for you and oftentimes the shower can help you gain some necessities for the baby without breaking your bank account. Then again this is your pregnancy so undoubtedly I'm sure you'll make the decision that feels the most comfortable for you.
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  • brittneyandadambrittneyandadam member
    I know IF can leave a nasty mark...I noticed that my anxiety doubled and my depression started to make a come back when I was going through everything. My doc is still pressing to put me on an anti-anxiety med since it's affecting my daily life. The point I'm trying to make there is that I know where you're coming from (and I'm sending you lots of *hugs*).

    All that being said, I think it would be good for you to let your friends throw you a small shower. Honestly, it may help to ease some of the worries you have. Even if it's just that immediate group of friends...it sounds like they're all super happy for you and really supportive. You wouldn't have to invite your IL's...you could just tell them that your friends wanted to keep it intimate and within that circle. And if MIL gets mad...so what...she doesn't do showers anyway. GL and let us know how things go!
    {Me:27, Dx:PCOS, LPD, & rob(14;15)}
    {DH:31 all clear, "super sperm"}
    Ecstatically married July 30, 2011--TTC since Jan 2013:::Baby #1 due 9/11, Conceived on cycle #5 of Femara + Hcg + IUI
    ~Love and Light to everyone~ 
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    My furbabies--Mr. Bubbles and Miss Kitty <3
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  • chusumchusum member
    I was in a similar (yet different boat). I've had multiple miscarriages, and being pregnant I'm super paranoid and afraid of jinxing it. I don't make public announcements about my pregnancies, I don't mention it unless it's to my close friends and family unless someone sees my growing belly. That being said, if you are anything like me do you really want a sip & see? I mean, all those people touching your newborn baby? I think letting your friends throw you a shower is much safer. It's just a shower to celebrate your new arrival.

    image
    Married August 9, 2008
    TTC Since September 2009

    1st   BFP | EDD 10/23/10 | Natural M/C 03/27/10 | 10w 0d
    2nd BFP 06/26/10 | EDD 02/25/11 | Natural  M/C 07/17/10 | 8w 1d
    3rd  BFP 12/17/10 | EDD 08/24/11 | Natural M/C 12/31/10 | 7w 4d
    4th  BFP 06/22/11 | EDD 02/25/12 | M/C D&C on 07/27/11 | 9w4d
    5th  BFP 09/17/11 | DD Paige Lily born 05/16/12
    6th  BFP 08/11/12 | EDD 04/11/13 | CP
    7th  BFP 09/29/13 | EDD 06/04/14 | Natural M/C 10/27/13 | 8w1d
    8th  BFP 12/16/13 | EDD 09/01/14

    DX: Pericentric Inversion of Chromosome 8 & compound heterozygous for MTHFR mutations
    RX: Lovenox/Heparin & Folgard

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  • peanutbuttervibespeanutbuttervibes member
    What?? Now I want to know!!
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  • peanutbuttervibespeanutbuttervibes member
    Thanks! I actually know exactly what you are talking about when you use those words. Definitely owes an apology to a lot of people....
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  • kirstynikolekirstynikole member
    edited April 2014
    I thought the name sounded familiar... hmm

    I am sorry for your struggle through IF though and do hope you're able to ease your anxiety and enjoy your pregnancy.

    That being said for the additional support on this board it's probably best to acknowledge what these ladies have said..

    *edit clarity*
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  • FloridaSun82FloridaSun82 member
    Okay, brunch it is with no formal invites or mention of the baby! Thanks!
    Me (31) - PCOS with insulin resistance

    4 rounds of Clomid = no response
    IVF # 1 - ET (1 3AA, 4 frosties): 12/22 = BFP
    EDD: 9/9/2014

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  • ashaw512 ashaw512 member
    crystalangel79 said:

    I don't remember. Im sorry and Im mobile so can't really search but I have seen @GingerGiraffe‌ on here enough to respect and trust her word.

    This. I'm having a hard time remembering this discussion.
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  • FloridaSun82FloridaSun82 member
    I never even saw that post asking for an apology. When I signed back in, I saw a few posts wishing a miscarriage on me and decided not to read further into the thread and then it was shut down. 

    I apologize if someone was affected by Tay-Sachs and saw my opinion as offensive, that certainly wasn't my intention.
    Me (31) - PCOS with insulin resistance

    4 rounds of Clomid = no response
    IVF # 1 - ET (1 3AA, 4 frosties): 12/22 = BFP
    EDD: 9/9/2014

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  • MBanoMBano member
    This is going to get nasty..... Fast...... My love tit thumb hurts.
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  • MBanoMBano member
    mrsdanielleM2010 said:

    MBano said:
    This is going to get nasty..... Fast...... My love tit thumb hurts.
    Somebody falsely accusing mystery people of wishing loss on someone is about as nasty as it could POSSIBLY get. Unless she's not lying. @FloridaSun82‌ show me where and I'll eat my words I promise. @mbano this is not drama here for entertainment this is just about the most serious accusation possible.

    Oh I know. I remember the original post she made. I kept out of it. The fact that she is lying is going to have you ladies on a witch hunt that's what I meant.
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  • MBanoMBano member
    singsoftkitty said:
    MBano said:
    mrsdanielleM2010 said:

    MBano said:
    This is going to get nasty..... Fast...... My love tit thumb hurts.
    Somebody falsely accusing mystery people of wishing loss on someone is about as nasty as it could POSSIBLY get. Unless she's not lying. @FloridaSun82‌ show me where and I'll eat my words I promise. @mbano this is not drama here for entertainment this is just about the most serious accusation possible.

    Oh I know. I remember the original post she made. I kept out of it. The fact that she is lying is going to have you ladies on a witch hunt that's what I meant.
    You're being a drama llama. No one is on a witch hunt. This isn't for fun or entertainment.

    What!? No! I was just saying how this post is going to get rough. Her original post hurt a lot of women and she didn't even have the decency to apologize. Finally, when she comes out of hiding, she acts like all is forgiven. Jeez. Relax. I don't need or want the drama. Trust me.
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  • kirstynikolekirstynikole member
    Now seeing this frustrates me.. OP you could've still acknowledged what was said and made a sincere apology, not flipped the topic.
    No one here would wish you anything negative in your pregnancy nor would anyone downplay the struggle of IVF. However just like these are two topics that would obviously (and understandably) hurt your feelings and be unacceptable, the prior thread comments in question were something that hurt a fellow BMB and it needs to be acknowledged. Even if you claim you never saw the apology requests being mentioned, you could've still done something about it today instead of the half-ass apology followed by an accusation.

    That was a poor choice.
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  • MrsLaLaBugMrsLaLaBug member
    kirstynikole said:

    Now seeing this frustrates me.. OP you could've still acknowledged what was said and made a sincere apology, not flipped the topic.
    No one here would wish you anything negative in your pregnancy nor would anyone downplay the struggle of IVF. However just like these are two topics that would obviously (and understandably) hurt your feelings and be unacceptable, the prior thread comments in question were something that hurt a fellow BMB and it needs to be acknowledged. Even if you claim you never saw the apology requests being mentioned, you could've still done something about it today instead of the half-ass apology followed by an accusation.

    That was a poor choice.

    I'm with you on all of this, except... She didn't even Half-ass it. She didn't at all. Obviously she does not have any intention to. >:-(
                                                                                      
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  • FloridaSun82FloridaSun82 member
    I apologize if I confused semantics, in terms of miscarriage or hoping that I have to make that choice. I have not memorized previous posts, nor have I "come out of hiding," as I've been posting on this board in response to people's questions but just don't typically start threads. This is supposed to be a supportive board for moms. I was asking for an opinion about a brunch and it's turning into internet strangers calling me out my character because they disagreed with a statement that I made weeks ago.

    However, as I said previously, I apologize if someone was affected by Tay-Sachs and saw my comments as offensive. The question in that post was about Tay-Sachs and I gave my opinion on it. An opinion that I am entitled to as I am extremely familiar with the condition. If people that were offended were NOT affected by Tay-Sachs specifically, then I'm confused. My opinion on other disorders, conditions, and situations were never asked.
    Me (31) - PCOS with insulin resistance

    4 rounds of Clomid = no response
    IVF # 1 - ET (1 3AA, 4 frosties): 12/22 = BFP
    EDD: 9/9/2014

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  • portentosaportentosa member
    ((Hugs)) @GingerGiraffe‌
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  • ashaw512 ashaw512 member
    Op, are you accusing @GingerGiraffe‌ of "wishing a mc on you" bc she told you to terminate the brunch? So you come out saying this bc that's what you said first and now feeling guilty about it. And decide to give a half ass apology when you were in the wrong and you know it, obviously. You are completely ridiculous, you need to apologize not only to ginger but the whole damn board and don't let the door hit you in ass. Better yet let it maybe it will hurt so bad you won't come back.
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  • mcstreppmcstrepp member

    Maybe I missed something but I just reread the original post and nobody wished a MC on you. People may not like what you said and may not like you but so many people on this board have experiences losses and I don't think they would wish that on ANYONE!

    @GingerGiraffe‌ Hugs to you.


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  • brittneyandadambrittneyandadam member
    I must have been too worked up about the OP to remember her post...i kind of feel like my reaching-out was taken advantage of. An apology would have been nice...I re-read the thread and the comment was pretty darn hurtful. *hugs* to @GingerGiraffe‌
    {Me:27, Dx:PCOS, LPD, & rob(14;15)}
    {DH:31 all clear, "super sperm"}
    Ecstatically married July 30, 2011--TTC since Jan 2013:::Baby #1 due 9/11, Conceived on cycle #5 of Femara + Hcg + IUI
    ~Love and Light to everyone~ 
    image image
    My furbabies--Mr. Bubbles and Miss Kitty <3
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker  

    image image
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