Help me figure out this daycare thing?

SassyFlats · April 2014

Okay so I have a pretty good option for daycare, I think. A few weeks ago I went for a walk with Kara and met a neighbor-- two kids of her own (4 years and 2 years old) and she does daycare in her home! She currently has just one 9-month-old for a couple of days a week. She used to have more kids, but she wanted to cut back and spend more time with her own. Her husband is a police officer, her mother has some health problems and lives with them, and she lives just a few houses down the street from me.

She charges $25/day and would be very flexible if I needed to change my schedule to attend a meeting or anything like that. I'll probably be working 3 short days each week, so this is awesome. She is also totally cool with DH dropping by on his lunch break to visit Kara or whatever. AND she said if I end up going a different direction with day care she'd still like to hang out sometime. She seems super nice.

My question for YOU is... WTF do I do with all this information? It seems like exactly what we need. But do I get an independent background check? Through where? Do I go over for coffee and just get to know her a little better? Do I bring Kara and just hand my baby to her and see what happens (lol)?How do you call up someone and get beyond "Hi so I met you outside your house 3 weeks ago and you said you are available for daycare soooooooooooooooo....."???

I just need some help organizing in my head how to go through this process with someone I just happened to meet... not someone I sought out.

Mrae87 · April 2014

I would definitely get a background check. I'd much rather risk being awkward and rude to my neighbor than having something happen to my child!

Or you can stalk her on your local repository to try to see if you think anything further needs done.

bumpuser9058414 · April 2014

Is she licensed? I wouldn't even consider it if she's not.

SassyFlats · April 2014

Berry30 said:
Is she licensed? I wouldn't even consider it if she's not.

that's not really an issue for me. I was a full- time nanny a few years back and I wasn't licensed. She brought up the background check being no problem, I just don't even know the first thing about doing that.

akflutterby · April 2014

I would also ask for references. It helps to see what other parents thought of her and how she helped them adjust when she changed her schedule (of it affected them). Also talk to her about what she does when she's sick or her kids are sick (as that will affect your work schedule), and verify that she requires vaccinations for everyone. Good luck!

MA&CB · April 2014

We did a similar daycare situation with our first - she was a neighbor, stay at home mom with her own kids. She wasn't licensed, but that's not an option for small set-ups like this or nanny's like you said. I would do references, a background check (although I did not), and spend some time there, 'interview her' etc. I actually loved this arrangement for DS - she was very respectful of our parenting choices and it was ideal for a young baby.

jfb29 · April 2014

Berry30 said:
Is she licensed? I wouldn't even consider it if she's not.

This. My grad assistantship was in child care. You definitely was a licensed place, whether it be a center or home-based. This not only protects you and your LO but them as well.

beachcomberbride · April 2014

I AM a fan of in home daycare, as I feel that most larger daycare settings are disasters, from my personal experience and the experience of my friends. I believe it is more caring, intimate, and better for children to have one on one interaction. I also don't think licensing is the most important factor to consider, since nannies are not licensed and I have always had nannies for my children, and they were wonderful people who did amazing jobs with my children.

What IS important I think is to do a thorough background check, ask for exhaustive references, and to observe her and the other children extensively before you leave your child there.

Good luck!

KariB509 · April 2014

@bearsbearsbears‌, I have also had a very good experience with our daycare center DS has attended for the past two years. He has learned SO much. The ladies are so nice, DS is really happy there, he has fun, and as I said, he has learned a lot.

Anyway, I also don't think it's a big deal that she's not licensed. Before I started talking DS to a center, he went to an in home daycare and she wasn't licensed. As others have said, I agree with the background check and calling references.

SassyFlats · April 2014

Thanks guys! You all bring up some good questions and things to think about!

@bunnyfungo‌ I will absolutely ask if she has experience with BFing or feeding EBF babies! And the equipment! Really good one since baby won't be mobile just yet.

coreyeliz · April 2014

Is she listed on care.com or Sittercity? If so you could do a background check through them.

teachermommy9967 · April 2014

My mom is a home daycare provider so I've learned a lot about home daycares having grown up in one.

First off always go meet with her during the day when the other kids are there so you see how she treats them and how the kids interact together. Take LO to see how they interact.

Ask for references as many as possible and not just letters ask for phone numbers so you can talk to the other parents

Find out what a typical day is like. Do they go out of the house to play outside or go to drop in centres or stay inside all day long.

And if you decide to send baby there don't be afraid to come pick up little one early without telling her that way you see how things are going

Good luck!

scrumpfy · April 2014

We had a situation like this for care with DD1. We stopped after a year only because she had to return to full time work for health insurance purposes. But we loved her and still do play dates with her kids.
Absolutely do a background check. Also do a background check on anyone else in the home- they'll have access to your kid too. Arrange a visit to see her while the other kids are there and observe. And with ours, we did a couple trial runs, just for a few hours a couple times, to see how she did, and if baby was a good fit.

fish8412 · April 2014

bearsbearsbears said:
Wow, what ignorance, @beachcomberbride‌ . Good centers are not disasters and I fail to see how an in home would provide greater one on one interaction than our daycare center that has a 3:1 ratio for infants.

A center isn't for everyone but it's been great for me and my family. It's a choice everyone needs to make for themselves. If anyone wants to hear about my center experience, please ask--I'll be glad to tell you my experience (not secondhand defensive fear mongering like the pp posted).

So if someone has a different opinion than you, he/she is ignorant? Parents feel differently about daycare settings and will send their children to where they think is the best for them.

Turtle15SW · April 2014

My best friend had always had a nanny for her first baby, very nice woman with her own child. They moved and found a new nanny when she had her second child who watched both. Did a background check, the whole 9 yards. Long story short, her oldest daughter ended up having to go to the hospital and had a rape kit done because she was bleeding. Nanny didn't recall any accidents, then she "remembered" her falling...which wasnt consistent with the injury. At the end of the day, no one really knows what happened. I myself used to nanny and know that it can be a great experience. However I would not have any person watch my child in a home until she is old enough to tell me about her day....and maybe not even then. There is a lot to be said for daycares being accountable and monitored. I know...there are plenty of great stories of in-home care working out fantastic. My POV is that I won't risk my daughter being the 1 in 100 story where it wasn't.

SassyFlats · April 2014

That's a terrible story and I'm so sorry it happened to your friends' little girl, but I'm really not looking for terrible stories about nannies or daycare centers. It will be hard enough to leave my baby with ANYONE else... Whether it's my in-laws, a date-night babysitter, a day care center, a nanny, a friend... I will ALWAYS worry about something happening if I'm not there.

Right now I just need help thinking of questions to ask and steps to take when it comes to this particular option of using a SAHM down the street for day care while I am working part time. If I then decide it's not what I want, I have a day care center in mind and I also have a backup plan for the summer in case we need more time to come up with something long term.

I really appreciate all the advice and while I understand there are serious pros and cons to any day care option, I'm pursuing one that feels right for my family. I really, really hope we can avoid bashing different options or making this topic additionally anxiety-inducing for me or anyone else.

Turtle15SW · April 2014

Sorry, I really wasn't trying to cause more anxiety over this for you. I just wanted to provide a real concern to consider for the lack of accountability with in-home care given the comments around daycares. That said, as someone who did nanny for five years...references are the way to go. A background check is important, but nothing can calm concerns better than hearing glowing stories from people that have worked with your nanny. I would ask for no less than three different recommendations and the ability to pop by should you want to. Also, find out what their daily routine is like. Will she be taking your little one outside of the house ever, who else may be around the baby and background check them as well of possible.

Ahutch428 · April 2014

@SassyFlats‌

We are using a licensed in home daycare in our neighborhood. Here are some of the questions we asked:
1. How are holidays handled? If you are off do we still pay?
2. How can we save our spot in the summer (I'm a teacher)
3. Are you familiar with how to handle breast milk?
4. How is food handled when she starts eating solids? (Should I pack food, or is it prepared, how many meals/snacks)
5. Who is in the house during the day?
6. How many kids do you take care of?
7. How is late pick up handled?
8. How should I pay you?
9. Can I leave her car seat at the daycare?
10. What do you need to hold my spot?
11. Do you require immunization records for all the kids?
12. How is sickness handled for you and the baby?
These are the ones I remember. If I think of more I will add them later.

beachcomberbride · May 2014

bearsbearsbears said:

fish8412 said:

Wow, what ignorance, @beachcomberbride‌ . Good centers are not disasters and I fail to see how an in home would provide greater one on one interaction than our daycare center that has a 3:1 ratio for infants. A center isn't for everyone but it's been great for me and my family. It's a choice everyone needs to make for themselves. If anyone wants to hear about my center experience, please ask--I'll be glad to tell you my experience (not secondhand defensive fear mongering like the pp posted).
So if someone has a different opinion than you, he/she is ignorant? Parents feel differently about daycare settings and will send their children to where they think is the best for them.

No, if someone is trying to scare FTM with untrue generalizations, that's ignorant IMO. She apparently was offended that I said a center wasn't for my family for a variety of reasons.

This is what PP said:

beachcomberbride said:

I AM a fan of in home daycare, as I feel that most larger daycare settings are disasters, from my personal experience and the experience of my friends. I believe it is more caring, intimate, and better for children to have one on one interaction.

This isn't at all an accurate description of the experience that I have had (and that of all of my friends and colleagues) using high quality daycare centers. I just don't think that FTMs who are already wary of putting their LOs in daycare should be subjected to that bullshit without a response from a mom who has BTDT.

I just logged in to the bump after being on a work trip and WTF?!?!?!?!?! @bearsbearsbears I was not offended by anything you said, nor do I honestly give two craps about what you said, LOL. The OP asked for opinions, and there were a BUNCH of people giving their opinion of in home daycares, both negative and positive. I therefore stated that my opinion was that I was a fan of them.

Moreover, I also have BTDT, in case you didn't notice my signature, I am the mother of 3 children. I myself had a terrible daycare center experience in which the police ended up being contacted because of what a daycare worker did to my child, almost causing them to suffocate to death. I also worked in a daycare center (a very upscale, expensive one, for what it's worth) for over a year in college and I quit because of the negligence that I saw on an EVERY DAY basis. Oh yea, they had a "great infant ratio" too.

These personal experiences, and those of my very close friends, is what made my husband and I switch to hiring nannies that come to our home or take our children to their homes. This is hardly "secondhand fear mongering", and maybe before you get soooo upset with people on a message board, you should remove the stick from your ass, take a hot bath, and get your hormone levels checked.

beachcomberbride · May 2014

bearsbearsbears said:

beachcomberbride said:

I just logged in to the bump after being on a work trip and WTF?!?!?!?!?! @bearsbearsbears I was not offended by anything you said, nor do I honestly give two craps about what you said, LOL. The OP asked for opinions, and there were a BUNCH of people giving their opinion of in home daycares, both negative and positive. I therefore stated that my opinion was that I was a fan of them.

Moreover, I also have BTDT, in case you didn't notice my signature, I am the mother of 3 children. I myself had a terrible daycare center experience in which the police ended up being contacted because of what a daycare worker did to my child, almost causing them to suffocate to death. I also worked in a daycare center (a very upscale, expensive one, for what it's worth) for over a year in college and I quit because of the negligence that I saw on an EVERY DAY basis. Oh yea, they had a "great infant ratio" too.

These personal experiences, and those of my very close friends, is what made my husband and I switch to hiring nannies that come to our home or take our children to their homes. This is hardly "secondhand fear mongering", and maybe before you get soooo upset with people on a message board, you should remove the stick from your ass, take a hot bath, and get your hormone levels checked.

I'm obviously the one who is really upset here. LOL.

Oh ok, my mistake, you weren't upset at all. That's why you resorted to calling me ignorant, saying I was full of bullshit, and that I was fear mongering. LOL. Whatever you need to tell yourself honey.

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