Discipline and punishment

lilahbean13 · April 2014

Ok so hubby and I are in complete disagreement on how to discipline Cooper in just about every situation. Do you and your h agree on a discipline system and what is it? Do you redirect ? Spank at first offense? Time out for everything? Please don't make this a spanking debate. I just want to know what y'all are doing and what works !

nesenotes · April 2014

Welp, mh follows whatever I decide. So that makes life easier. In a nutshell I'm the mean disciplinarian because he's a big ol sissy. I can't even imagine a reason he would spank her. She would have had to do something really bad. She's got him wrapped around her finger pretty much.

*I* do time outs, talk, warn, and depending on the situation a swat to the butt. Like the other day we were at the park and she started running... toward the street. She sees me running after her and is laughing hysterically but still headed straight toward the busy street. When I caught up to her I turned her around and swatted her. Then I explained we play at the play ground not the street!! Her reaction was comical she just said ouch! Like hey man I was having fun way to ruin it. No tears or anything. But she also didn't leave the playground area anymore. But that is a rare scenario. I really don't want to resort to hitting.

97% of the time I do a time out, redirect, or we leave. But i always explain why she can't do xyz or why she is getting a time out. It works for us so far.

Eta: time outs are normally for hitting me or throwing things. She gets angry and throws.

sarahandeddiejune212008 · April 2014

We usually redirect. However, she does get the occasional tap on the hand.

britbratjf · April 2014

hijinx said:
Redirection works for L, so that's all we do right now. I can't think of anything he's done to warrant a time out yet. If he does anything we consider unsafe (like standing on his rocking horse) we give him a couple if warnings to sit down and if he still doesn't listen then we take the item away. MH and I are on the same page, for now anyway!

This is what we do too. We also do a lot of talking and explaining why we don't do something. I'm not opposed to time outs or swats but haven't had any cause to use them yet. H and I are basically on the same page except he is such a softie with her - totally wrapped around her finger. I also think he's in denial that she's old enough for discipline

. So usually it takes me telling him to remove her from something for him to actually do it.

KarmB · April 2014

I have all th say because im here with her all the time and he dosent know what works. I usualy tell him. 99% of the time we use time outs.other 1% is spanking

lilahbean13 · April 2014

Ok so it looks like I need h to get on my level. He is not consistent and resorts to hand pop before even a warning. He was from a real strict family so he is allllll about spankings and firm punishment for every situation. I don't agree. I think warn her, redirect, time out, then hand pop at last resort. I don't know what I'm going to do to get him to meet me in the middle though. He isn't budging and im not either

bumpuser1509193 · April 2014

We redirect, or ignore. If the situation calls for action, I will raise my voice sternly. Mh &I were on the same page from the start, so that has been very helpful.
I can't fathom a situation where a hit/span/pop or whatever you want to call it is appropriate for any child.

Barefoot84 · April 2014

We follow a lot of the advice from the ahaparenting blog. We don't do time-outs and we don't raise our voice, although I've slipped up on occasion and H has a tendancy to raise his voice when his patience is wearing thin or if he's tired. However, we also don't give second chances. She's told once that a behavior is unacceptable, and if she does it again, that's a direct consequence applied immediately.

Example: a) She throws a toy that isn't a ball, she loses it immediately, and every similar toy within her reach. b) She lets go of my hand and leaves my side when walking outside or in a store, she goes directly into the stroller or in my arms. c) She throws food, she loses her plate.

It seems to be working really well, but I think I might have an easy child. Sometimes, when she gets harder to handle, we'll play a bit roughly and then cuddle. I don't mean I throw her around, but I'll catch her and give her a "kiss attack" while she giggles and tries to get away. I let her get a foot or two ahead, then grab her again. Or we'll play wrestle on our bed but she's just starting to understand how that works. Afterwards, she goes back to being an easy kid. I think she just needs an outlet for negative energy. When it's nice, simply going outside for a while when she gets harder to handle can help a lot.

michaela080 · April 2014

I would say that if you don't agree, the most conservative viewpoint should win until/unless it seems not to be working or the child is really getting out of control or something. And by conservative i guess I mean the "least" punishment. If redirecting works, why spank unless you just like to hit your kid? If it starts not to work, go back to the drawing board and try the next step up. Also, sometimes people forget to set up a consistent and positive environment and praise for good behavior. I think that's something you can model. DH says a lot of the positive things that I do now, just because I'm very cognizant of that working with special needs and behavior challenged kids at work so i talk that way a lot.

lilahbean13 · April 2014

After reading this thread a few times I sat hubby down and explained room exactly how I feel about his disciplinary instincts. He agreed to step back a little and he also said "ok when she does something wrong I'm going to look at you and you tell me what to do". We shall see how is goes

zyas · April 2014

Thankfully we're on the same page on this. We do time outs and so far it's working pretty well. She listens to my H way better than she listens to me and if I'm out with her somewhere and she is acting up, I ask her if she wants me to call Daddy. Or I say "I'm going to tell Daddy about this" and she usually stops right away.

We don't spank but that's just cause we weren't spanked as kids so we decided not to as well. I'm not against it though, but the time outs are working so that's good. Who knows if that will last though!

nesenotes · April 2014

@barefoot84 I tried your approach today! 1 warning and gone. Worked like a charm! Thanks a bunch! Also saved me a headache because I didn't have to repeat myself 20 times.

apollonia10 · April 2014

We're a 1 warning and gone house too. I don't bother with time out at this point because he wouldn't understand what it means. If he stands on his chair, he gets a warning, and then the chair gets taken away. If he's banging on the table with a remote control, he gets a warning, and then the remote gets taken away. To me, time out only works if it's a natural consequence to the behavior, and getting removed from a situation hasn't been necessary yet.

ashleynaka · April 2014

Yes, we agree. Yes, we both discipline, but I am definitely the tyrant (haha!). Mama means business and I yell way more than H does. I also give lots of love, so I hope it all evens out in the end. We have yet to try time outs because I hear they don't work well yet. I have done 1, 2, 3, but most of the time, she just starts counting with me, which infurites me even more.

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