Food battles

spring_time · April 2014

I have read several people on here who say they do not engage in food battles with their kid. What do you do with a kid who will not eat anything? DS used to eat everything. His diet has now been reduced to pancakes, yogurt, chicken nuggets, spaghetti O, mac and cheese, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He will eat fruit, but no vegetable (other than peas) will pass through his lips. I do not know what to do. I cannot convince him to even try a bite of something else, and this has been going on for almost a year. He is just becoming even pickier within the limited variety he will eat.

I cook a healthy meal every night and put it on his plate, but he will not eat. If I actually convince him to take a bite, his new thing is to spit it out and declare it disgusting. If I don't take this on as a battle, what do I do? He cannot continue to eat like this.

Mrs.Hizzo · April 2014

I just ignore it. I can't make him eat. If he wants to leave the table without having a bite of dinner, that's his problem. And if anyone at our table tells me that the dinner I made is disgusting, I remove their plate and tell them to leave the table. No one has actually done that at our house in ages, because the few times it happened they knew I was really pissed. I'm cool with "I don't care for this" or "No thank you for the enchilladas" but I don't spend an hour or more cooking dinner just to have someone say "Gross!" and make gagging noises.

LoriLee14 · April 2014

He will eat breakfast and lunch, no problems. Dinner I just put it on his plate. I try to plan that there is at least one thing on there that he will eat. But he can either eat that or wait till breakfast. It sounds mean, but has worked so far. He always drinks his milk.

If it is a meal that I know he won't eat (say sushi or something spicy) I make him a chicken pot pie cause it is an easy sale.

I know this is a no no... but I also still give him a pouch here or there

Mrs.Hizzo · April 2014

@earlybird, I'm not necessarily advocating that approach...it usually involves me giving one of them THE LOOK and saying "What did you just say to me? I spent a lot of time making that dinner and I do not appreciate you telling me that it's disgusting. That's rude and it hurts my feelings. You are excused. No. No. I don't want to hear it. Leave the table. You are excused."

It only took a couple times of this before they were like, "Whatever you do, DON'T tell mom her dinner was disgusting. She'll freak out on you."

fancynewbeesly · April 2014

Luckily DD isn't super picky--however she isn't a fan of many vegetables. She likes carrots, peas, corn and sweet potato/squash.

She does love veggies in her smoothies though. I don't hide that I am putting spinach/kale etc in her smoothies. She watches me make them and asks what is going in; however she doesn't like them in the raw form.

I refuse to argue about food with her.

sschwege · April 2014

Honestly, if they eat nothing they eat nothing. They won't starve themselves. Every time we go to the pedi we get sheet of paper that has general info about their age, sleeping tips, eating ideas, etc. It always says the same thing, "Your job is to put healthy food in front of your child, their job is to decide how much to eat or even whether to eat at all." It takes practice, but when you set that plate of healthy options down just think to yourself, "I have done my job". Really, it's that simple!

Last night I made salmon and bruschetta, literally the only thing DS would eat was the tomatoes off the bread. So that's what he had for dinner, tomatoes. We have taught DD to say, "I'm not in the mood for this" if there's something she doesn't like, which works well. But I don't play short order cook, there is enough variety on their plate that generally they can find something they like and if not that's their choice. The only exception I make to that rule is if something turns out spicier than I expected, then I offer something comparable. My father was 1 of 5 and my mother 1 of 7, can you imagine my grandmother's making special meals for all their children, no chance and they all survived.

spring_time · April 2014

Ok, this is what I thought I should do. I tried it one time, but DH panicked saying that DS couldn't skip dinner and gave him a snack instead. My philosophy was that he wouldn't starve. I felt undermined and then started doubting myself as to whether or not I was being cruel. I haven't tried it since.

Meals are just becoming so frustrating. DH has been having stomach issues, so gets his own bland meal. DS (4 years old) won't eat anything I make, so he gets his own meal. And the past 3 days, DD (13 months) has been throwing all her food to the dog. By the time I get to sit down and eat, everybody else is finished with their food. I used to enjoy cooking, but the spitting it out with a disgusted declaration is putting me over the edge.

penguingrrl · April 2014

I don't force feed my kids, but I'm not a short order chef either. I make dinner and if they don't like it that's too bad. I do make sure there's something each person will eat at dinner, but Emma has gone to bed many times having just eaten steamed broccoli or just brown rice or whatever.

They are not allowed to say "eww" or "gross" about food served in my house.They understand that DH or I spent time making it and we wouldn't do so if it was gross, but that it's okay to not care for something.

My attitude is that my kids won't starve themselves, so they will eat what's served or not eat. The only exception is if they try something and genuinely gag on it (Julia does this with sauteed spinach). If they truly cannot eat the veggie I am serving then they can go help themselves to whatever veggie they want.

I might have a different mindset if I had kids who were really low on the weight chart or failure to thrive,but since mine aren't I have no trouble being strict.

LoriLee14 · April 2014

Also, I don't let little man get up until we are all done with our food. He doesn't get to run off and back to his toys. He doesn't have to eat, but he does have to sit.

spring_time · April 2014

I have tried variations.

I made a healthier version of homemade mac and cheese, he will only eat Kraft. Now, he will only eat the Kraft if it is shaped like Spongebob.

I made baked chicken nuggets. He only wants Tyson. Now the Tyson need to be the dinosaur shapes.

I made curly pasta with mini meatballs. Only Spaghetti Os would do. Now they can't have meatballs...unless I buy the ones without meatballs, and he then has to have the meatballs.

Part of my concern is that he has always had a problem with weight. He was failure to thrive as a baby, and hangs out in the 3-5% percentile. He is fine developmentally, but I need to get food into his little body. I wish that food could be healthier. He goes to pedi on Thursday, so hopefully they can give me some direction.

I will check out that book.

sschwege · April 2014

spring_time said:

I have tried variations.

I made a healthier version of homemade mac and cheese, he will only eat Kraft. Now, he will only eat the Kraft if it is shaped like Spongebob.

I made baked chicken nuggets. He only wants Tyson. Now the Tyson need to be the dinosaur shapes.

I made curly pasta with mini meatballs. Only Spaghetti Os would do. Now they can't have meatballs...unless I buy the ones without meatballs, and he then has to have the meatballs.

Part of my concern is that he has always had a problem with weight. He was failure to thrive as a baby, and hangs out in the 3-5% percentile. He is fine developmentally, but I need to get food into his little body. I wish that food could be healthier. He goes to pedi on Thursday, so hopefully they can give me some direction.

I will check out that book.

What about smoothies?

spring_time · April 2014

LalaMama81 said:

While he was FTT as an infant, if he's been on the charts in the same spot for a few years I don't know how much you have to worry about it. That being said, I haven't had a kid that low on the charts or FTT, so I don't have first hand experience.

At some point he favors those foods b/c that is what you are giving him and giving into. By only buying and serving X mac and cheese or Y nugget, that is what he expects to get and wants.

Again, that begin said, I don't have what I'd call picky kids. I have normal kids who sometimes refuse to eat whatever I've made.

Like the recent conversation we had about potty training - I have no idea how much of this is nature vs. nurture.

He has always been low on the charts, and the pedi has always said that was ok. However, it was still a concern for me, especially after the struggle to get his weight up after FTT. I mistakenly took the approach of feeding him what he would eat. That has backfired and I absolutely believe that I started us on this path. I wish I had started on just having him eat what was served and I feel like now I am in for a battle of wills :-(

I think I would feel better about it all if I could get DH on the same page as me. It doesn't affect him if I have to make multiple meals, but it does affect him if DS is cranky because he is hungry. Part of it becomes laziness on my part because I feel like I am the only one making a stand. I already have solo battles lined up against TV time and bedtime. It is a matter of deciding which one I want to conquer first.

kcisthebombdotcom · April 2014

spring_time said:

LalaMama81 said:

While he was FTT as an infant, if he's been on the charts in the same spot for a few years I don't know how much you have to worry about it. That being said, I haven't had a kid that low on the charts or FTT, so I don't have first hand experience.

At some point he favors those foods b/c that is what you are giving him and giving into. By only buying and serving X mac and cheese or Y nugget, that is what he expects to get and wants.

Again, that begin said, I don't have what I'd call picky kids. I have normal kids who sometimes refuse to eat whatever I've made.

Like the recent conversation we had about potty training - I have no idea how much of this is nature vs. nurture.

He has always been low on the charts, and the pedi has always said that was ok. However, it was still a concern for me, especially after the struggle to get his weight up after FTT. I mistakenly took the approach of feeding him what he would eat. That has backfired and I absolutely believe that I started us on this path. I wish I had started on just having him eat what was served and I feel like now I am in for a battle of wills :-(

I think I would feel better about it all if I could get DH on the same page as me. It doesn't affect him if I have to make multiple meals, but it does affect him if DS is cranky because he is hungry. Part of it becomes laziness on my part because I feel like I am the only one making a stand. I already have solo battles lined up against TV time and bedtime. It is a matter of deciding which one I want to conquer first.

I also have a child whose weight has always been on the low side--her bmi is technically underweight. We substitute calories through smoothies. Lots of healthy fats and calories--kefir, flaxseed, hemp, fruits and fatty stuff like avocado. We do those early in the morning so she will still have an appetite for dinner but if she skips it I'm not worried about calories. It works well.

zbeesma86 · April 2014

Z is anti raw veggies. She will take a bite of carrots. & chew it then spit it out. I'm like wtf kid?! She used to be such a good eater. She would try everything. Now it's a chore to feed her. It's beyond frustrating.

We do a lot of smoothies as well. She has her days with protein. I try to tell her she can't have something snacky until she eats something healthy- so if she asked for teddy grams I'm like no, eat your chicken & you can have Teddy's after. But it's lost on her thus far.

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