Devastated

DublinMama · April 2014

I was met at my DC provider's door this morning by state reps. Her license is being revoked, and at the end of the week, she is shut down. I'm out of daycare, and what's worse, the report issued makes it sound like some terrible things were going on there. I have no idea what we are going to do, bc every daycare in the area is full. Jackson seemed so happy there, and I never saw any behaviors that would lead me to believe that he was stressed out being there. I usually try to stay pretty upbeat, but right now I'm feeling pretty strung out.

mishka29 · April 2014

Awww that sucks! I hope you find a solution soon!

djm31012 · April 2014

UGH that stinks!!! Any idea the reasoning? Can you look into nannies? good luck that is so stressful!

DublinMama · April 2014

Actually, yes, it seems like some incidences involved DS. We got a very detailed report citing evidence and events that lead up to this. They don't give names of children, they label them with letters of the alphabet. But they do give ages, and DS is the only one around that age at the daycare. At one point they cited that Child G, 13 months (which he was at the time of the reported incident), woke up before the scheduled 3:00 nap time and was left to "cry and cry and cry" until 3. No staff member was allowed to get him out of the crib, as directed by the owner. There were also sub plans left by her that directed her to skip a nap for him. His name was supposed to be blocked out, but you can see the curve of the J outside the blacked out box. She was writing down that he took a morning nap when he didn't, it seems.

We can't pay a college student, because most kids want $10 at least. I'm gone from 7-3:30. That's almost $90/day. There's no way we can swing that.

brachysira · April 2014

That is terrible news. Sounds like perhaps what is redeeming is that someone there cared and reported her. I have never heard of a daycare being shut down for letting a baby cry, but it's great that they are serious about these things. I agree, if there is a caregiver from that place that was not involved in the incidents, you might hire her. You can certainly put your name on daycare lists so you get a spot when one opens. I do think you can negotiate a lower college student rate since you are not hiring a baby-sitter but doing a full time arrangement.

DublinMama · April 2014

Well, it's the time and duration babies are being left to cry, and some other things. The report is 5 pages front and back. It's unbelievable. The problem is that our local college primarily hosts a lot of out of staters. So come mid-May, 90% of them go back home, and I need help until mid-June. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

ericalee27 · April 2014

Ugh, I am so sorry (((hugs)))

brachysira · April 2014

Maybe there is a mom's group on meet-up? We have one composed almost entirely of SAHMs. Probably most of them would take a baby for a month for a decent price. Plus, you might be able to get some references from people in the group.

Puck1182 · April 2014

Ugh, that sucks. :-(

I just want to second the suggestion to find a SAHM who might be looking to make a little extra money. I know my cousin is actually doing that right now since she's home with her two little ones and I know a handful of other ladies who do the same thing, watching one or two extra kids. I don't know exactly how much they get paid, but I'd imagine it's probably comparable to what daycare would cost, possibly even a bit less.

DublinMama · April 2014

My heart is broken because I trusted someone licensed and monitored by the state to watch my son. And they obviously were not meeting standards. So now I'm paranoid to send him to anyone, especially someone who isn't accountable to anyone but me, who I can't see what's going on most of the day. At least at this place there were unannounced visits and people reporting to make parents aware. If I send him to a SAHM, there is no one to say what's happening while he's there, and he can't tell me. I don't mean to be shooting down people's very helpful suggestions, I just am at such a loss wondering a. what we're going to do and b. what might have happened to my boy all this time.

TarheelMama202 · April 2014

I'm so sorry, Dubs. That sucks and is kind of scary to think about. I hope you find out exactly why they closed down.

TarheelMama202 · April 2014

DublinMama said:

Actually, yes, it seems like some incidences involved DS. We got a very detailed report citing evidence and events that lead up to this. They don't give names of children, they label them with letters of the alphabet. But they do give ages, and DS is the only one around that age at the daycare. At one point they cited that Child G, 13 months (which he was at the time of the reported incident), woke up before the scheduled 3:00 nap time and was left to "cry and cry and cry" until 3. No staff member was allowed to get him out of the crib, as directed by the owner. There were also sub plans left by her that directed her to skip a nap for him. His name was supposed to be blocked out, but you can see the curve of the J outside the blacked out box. She was writing down that he took a morning nap when he didn't, it seems.

We can't pay a college student, because most kids want $10 at least. I'm gone from 7-3:30. That's almost $90/day. There's no way we can swing that.

Oh my gosh, Dubs. This absolutely breaks my heart. I am so, so sorry that you're going through this. I can't imagine how painful it must have been to read that report.

brachysira · April 2014

I would be afraid of a random person too. If you are going to be forced home anyway, it helps a lot if you have, say, a college student work while you are home in another part of the house for a day or so. For me, I always know if I dislike the person using this method because you can hear how they talk to your child...plus, if they are flaky, it is usually apparent pretty early.

If not this, perhaps if you post on facebook or something you will find a friend of a friend who can help you. Perhaps you can cobble together childcare--one week it's your cousin, next your husband takes off a week, next DH's parents visit, next your best friend comes to town for a week.

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

DublinMama said:

My heart is broken because I trusted someone licensed and monitored by the state to watch my son. And they obviously were not meeting standards. So now I'm paranoid to send him to anyone, especially someone who isn't accountable to anyone but me, who I can't see what's going on most of the day. At least at this place there were unannounced visits and people reporting to make parents aware. If I send him to a SAHM, there is no one to say what's happening while he's there, and he can't tell me. I don't mean to be shooting down people's very helpful suggestions, I just am at such a loss wondering a. what we're going to do and b. what might have happened to my boy all this time.

I 100% understand these concerns. It's the very reason I break my back to afford to send DS to a center. I am so sorry this happened - it really hurts my heart to hear they weren't caring for your DS properly. Idk if it's because I feel like I "know" you or what, but I have tears in my eyes reading about what happened.

I hope you're able to figure it all out soon once the initial shock passes. **hugs** Hang in there, mama.

Rynleigh · April 2014

Do we have anyone in the group who might live near by or have family in the area who could help temporarily?? Where are you? I'm pretty sure I remember you being out on the east side somewhere, so I'm no help - but this is an awful situation and I wish there were something we could do to help

eriannc22 · April 2014

I'm really sorry. What a stressful situation.

Drea926 · April 2014

Dubs, I am so so sorry friend. I don't even know where to begin. Call me if you need to talk, okay?

I really like @sterling13's suggestions. I would call every place up and explain what is happening. Especially since you only have a couple months left of the school year, I'm sure someone can help you out.

draeray · April 2014

I am so sorry for you and your baby!! This is exactly why I am in panic mode myself since my MIL is leaving us for a year in July. I don't know what to do for care to make sure DS is taken care of the way I know he is now. It breaks my heart that I can't be with him every day!

kbates85 · April 2014

Sorry this happened. What a nightmare.

colinsfebmommy · April 2014

Oh I'm so sorry

kleigh926 · April 2014

I am so sorry, that situation is just horrible! I wish I lived closer so I could help.

DublinMama · April 2014

Thank you for being so supportive, everyone. I have a few calls in. Hopefully we can get some interviews in and find a good fit. The silver lining is that at least next week is vacation for me, so I can have some time to sort it all out if nothing shakes out this week.

wifeofadam · April 2014

So sorry. That's terrible

tamarar5 · April 2014

In so sorry this is happening!

SidraJedi · April 2014

I am very sorry to hear this. I hope you find someplace trustworthy very soon.

DublinMama · April 2014

verovladamir said:

How are you doing with all of this, @dublinmama? I've been thinking about you all day. My stomach is just sick for you.

I am falsely comforted by the week off I have next week, as if that is going to magically grow a daycare that I'm in love with and can afford lol. We have our name on a wait list at one place, and another is calling the state this week to see if she can at least take DS until the end of the year.

The paperwork we got from the state said that if we call any DCs with no vacancy, we can give them the number listed and they can call to get a waiver for accepting more children due to extenuating circumstances. But it's only in some cases. They can only accept more children if they can make the ratio work. So one of places I called today for the toddler room has ratio of 1 adult to four kids. They have 2:8 right now, so they would only be approved to take more kids if they could get another adult, which they can't. So realistically, the waiver means nothing lol.

The week we go back from vaca, if nothing has panned out MIL offered to come down and take him back to NY again, but I really don't want that to happen. And it still would only be a one week solution. Thank you for thinking of me. Keep the positive juju coming, we're gonna need it!
[-O<

DublinMama · April 2014

I actually have been trying not to dwell on what might have happened in the past months he's been there. If I think too much on it, I get emotional. The idea of my son crying and crying for almost an hour with no one tending to him is too much for me.

MalRiggs · April 2014

First: I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Second: I totally understand what you are going through, when my DS was about 2 we pulled him out of a daycare because he got hurt TWICE. Very shortly after they were closed. I totally get how one day you think everything thing is fine then all of a sudden. BAM your standing that wondering about the safety of your kid and what your going to do

we put a message on Facebook and had a wealth of friends help out. Many could only offer a day, but it was people we knew and it got us through till summer.

TarheelMama202 · April 2014

I'm going to throw this out there as an option, and I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it yet. I apologize if it's a repeat.

We had an awful, traumatizing situation at daycare when I first went back to work. This was supposed to be a four star, highly recommended daycare. I was so distraught by the whole thing that I swore off daycare until I felt like DS was more sturdy.

We used care.com to find a nanny. We had about 60 applicants for the job. I was able to view their experience, call references, get criminal background checks, etc. for everyone who applied. We ended up interviewing two candidates: one who was a nursing student and had a wealth of medical knowledge, another who was an empty-nester with two grown girls that had been a SAHM her entire life. We went with the latter. I felt like I could fully trust someone else who was a mom and would take care of my kid like he was her own. When we interviewed her, we just fell in love.

DS had her as his nanny his entire first year of life. She would do absolutely anything for DS. Whenever I walked in on her interacting with DS, I was so amazed by how tender and loving she was with him. When he turned a year old we decided to put him in daycare only because it was financially more responsible and we wanted him to have exposure to other kids. On her last day with DS, she and I both cried. She came to his baptism, his birthday, and our housewarming party. As soon as DS saw her getting out of the car at our housewarming, he flipped his lid and couldn't wait to get his hands on her. He loves her like another grandma.

While I know he is taken care of at daycare and his teachers love him, it can't possibly compare to the situation we had with our nanny. A 1:1 ratio just can't be beat. I tell you all of this because it may be worth considering just as a temporary solution until school is out. I know you said you don't feel as comfortable with someone if it isn't a licensed situation, but I was so assured by the references I checked that I felt more comfortable with her than with any center. I really think it's worth a shot. At least make a care.com profile and see the hits you get. You may just find your own Miss Ellen! (That was DS' nanny's name. She gave him a stuffed bear that he sleeps with every night named "Ellen Bear"

)

Rosebean · April 2014

How many parents are in the day care that have lost care as well? Are you able to contact them and talk about hiring a shared nanny? Also, if the day care is shut down because the owner was running it poorly, is there a chance one of the workers (maybe the person who reported the incidents) would be ideal for hiring as the nanny). But I am sure if you can contact the other parents somehow, you should be able to try to pool two or three others to split some costs until you can find another facility. I am just planting some seeds here, not trying to say you should hire a crappy nanny from a crappy daycare, but someone at that faculty working there cared enough to lose their job to report the owner. So I would think someone decent was there. Especially if your LO seemed to like some people.

stacrb98 · April 2014

@Dublinmama I am so sorry you are in the position! We had an issue with a nanny a few months ago so I understand how hard this is. I hope that you find the perfect fit and can trust that your son is in excellent hands!

kelly321 · April 2014

We have a situation similar to @TarheelMama202 for DD2. We have a divorced empty-nester who is like a grandma to the girls - actually, they trust her way more than they do my MIL! DD1 is now in preschool, but DD2 is with the nanny 3 mornings a week and in daycare 2 mornings / week (complicated situation - the nanny isn't allowed to work more than that or her pension is reduced).

Maybe you can put out an ad for a short-term nanny and do that for a good month? I agree that the oversight is important, but like someone said (was it Tarheel?), with a nanny, at first you can hang out in another room and hear how they're doing with your child.

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