DD Calls Herself Names

rsideemd · April 2014

DD has started calling herself a bad girl randomly. She doesn't go to daycare, so I know she hasn't picked it up from another child. My MIL watches her while we're at work. We've asked her about it and she promises us that she does not call her that and that she's never said it to her. She watches very little tv and I've never heard it said on the shows that she watches. It's bothering my husband and me that she's doing it. Obviously, we don't want her believing that she's bad. But at this age, is there anything we can do about it? We just keep telling her that she's a good girl. Other than that, I don't know what to do.

I don't know if it would bother other people, but we are worried about it. Any input?

AimeeL85 · April 2014

How often does she do it? It's very possible she heard it just once, somewhere, maybe not even directed at her, and it stuck with her. Kids remember and repeat the most random things sometimes. It would make me sad to hear, too, but I wouldn't necessarily be worried unless she really says it about herself a lot. I would just keep reassuring her that she's a good girl and it will probably pass!

=Lee=B · April 2014

I would chat with you MIL more and dig deeper. Maybe she doesn't call your daughter a bad girl but maybe she says "that's bad" when your daughter does something. Or maybe she says, "don't do __, you don't want to be a bad girl do you" etc. She may not be directly calling her a bad girl but may be implying it in some way that your daughter internalizes.

Hopefully the previous poster is right and your daughter heard it once, out of context. But, if the message is being given to your daughter during her care while your at work it is best to curb it now as it really can become ingrained in your daughter. Children start to live up to the expectations set on them and if she is hearing the message she is "bad" she can fall in the path of living up to that. Without anyone even meaning to put that expectation on her.

Regardless give lots of praise and encouragement to try and give her a solid image of being a "good girl".

DawnLilly · April 2014

Do you have a dog?

mb314 · April 2014

DawnLilly said:
Do you have a dog?

This is my question. Or does your MIL have a dog. We certainly say bad girl to our dog when she misbehaves.

rsideemd · April 2014

AimeeL85 said:

How often does she do it? It's very possible she heard it just once, somewhere, maybe not even directed at her, and it stuck with her. Kids remember and repeat the most random things sometimes. It would make me sad to hear, too, but I wouldn't necessarily be worried unless she really says it about herself a lot. I would just keep reassuring her that she's a good girl and it will probably pass!

The most we've heard it is twice a day.

rsideemd · April 2014

=Lee=B said:

I would chat with you MIL more and dig deeper. Maybe she doesn't call your daughter a bad girl but maybe she says "that's bad" when your daughter does something. Or maybe she says, "don't do __, you don't want to be a bad girl do you" etc. She may not be directly calling her a bad girl but may be implying it in some way that your daughter internalizes.
Hopefully the previous poster is right and your daughter heard it once, out of context. But, if the message is being given to your daughter during her care while your at work it is best to curb it now as it really can become ingrained in your daughter. Children start to live up to the expectations set on them and if she is hearing the message she is "bad" she can fall in the path of living up to that. Without anyone even meaning to put that expectation on her.
Regardless give lots of praise and encouragement to try and give her a solid image of being a "good girl".

Thanks. I think I will have a talk with her about it.

rsideemd · April 2014

DawnLilly said:

Do you have a dog?

No, we don't. My MIL does, but she watches DD in our house. We only have a cat.

rsideemd · April 2014

Sahara78 said:

Are you sure she's really saying bad girl and not big girl or something? Today, I thought DD kept saying bye over and over. Eventually, I realized she was saying bunny.

We're positive that's what she's saying. She pronounces her words very well.

emberlee3 · April 2014

Actually this would be a huge issue for me if my parents or ILs were watching DD. I hear them say stuff like this all the time. They don't even know they are doing it. I try to give specific feedback rather than saying good girl or bad girl.

vrj0522 · April 2014

I was watching my niece (4 yrs old) and my nephew (3) two weeks ago and they turned around DS' plastic toy boxes and started jumping off them. DS was running around the room and he was getting in their way so my niece took him outside his room and said "go" and pointed him to go another way. DS started to cry so she took him back into the room and let him play with them.

That's all it took. Now DS will sometimes point in a direction and tell me or DH to "go".

You daughter might have just heard it once and it made an impression so that's what she says now. I don't know if she is saying it to herself as much as simply repeating a phrase that stuck with her. However, I would definitely try to identify the source if possible so you can address it as needed. One thing that you can do to turn it around is say "good girl... thank your for... " a few times to see if she will switch it around or stop saying it. Then drop the good girl part.

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