Parents

lightgetsin · April 2014

Are your parents generally there for you when you need them or MIA?

The reason I ask is because mine are not there ever and I am not sure why I am so lucky. Yesterday my dad who lives 2 hrs. away calls to say they won't be up this weekend for easter because his wife is having her friends over. A few weeks ago, I ask my mom if she can watch the kids for a night so DH and I can go away for our 15 year anniversary. Her answer: "Haha, I don't think so." Wtf?

Those of you who have awesome parents and family that help you out are very lucky but I am sure you know that.

zbeesma86 · April 2014

I'm so sorry

My parents live about an hour and a half away. My mom has a fear of driving over bridges so she won't come to us unless my dad drives her out here. They make day trips here and there (they have 2 dogs and 3 cats). If the spend the night they will bring the dogs. If not, it's a day trip and it's a lot of driving for my dad. If we go out there it's usually for 3-4 nights. But Z can be a terror there (sometimes- recently she has been VERY good). They've been to our place MAYBE 10 times. We almost always go there.

My dad is retired and my mom still works in her home. They are always open to having Z. They want her there more, but for us to come and stay 3, 4, 5, or even 9 days is exhausting! Z's schedule is completely off! She doesn't nap or sleep well (we share a room). This past time we were there she slept great though- so I am hoping she is growing out of it because then we could make more trips out there and spend time with them.

edit- Have you talked to them? Or would it not do anything? I'd probably say something if I was feeling distant toward my parents.

LoriLee14 · April 2014

That really just stinks for you.

Were they always like this or once you moved out? or got married?

AimeeL85 · April 2014

My mother is very helpful, she lives about an hour and ten minutes away but comes out every other weekend and stays over Saturday night, DH and I go out to dinner and a movie, she helps us do projects around the house or we go out to lunch or whatever on Sunday. I have always been close with her and so have my kids. My father is a deadbeat.

DH's parents are divorced. My MIL visits once every 1-2 months for a few hours and likes to buy us stuff, but is not close at all with my children and has never in over 3 years offered to babysit in any way. I put up with her but she irritates the hell out of me; her husband is very nice. My FIL is a PITA but only visits a few times a year, he is more interested in our cats than our kids. His wife is wonderful, though, and I love her.

LatteLady5 · April 2014

My parents have both offered to watch the kids on several occasions but I don't trust them. They are flaky too and I doubt they would be available to help in a crisis. We have good friends that will watch the kids and I trust my sister. If we lived closer to my inlaws I would let them watch the kids whenever. They are really great people.

sunnydays99 · April 2014

I'm sorry, that really sucks :-(

My parents help out a lot and I am very grateful and know how lucky I am. MIL has "good intentions" but bails on us at the last minute all.the.time! Then she complains to anyone who will listen that we never let her see the kids :-(

SurpriseAt39 · April 2014

I guess I'm a little opposite.
I wouldn't want my parents to help with almost anything.
1. My mom is dead ... No help there.
2. My dad is @ 85 and going senile AND lives 2 hours away.
3. His girlfriend is almost 80 and nearly deaf, and doesn't pay much attention to kids when they are at the house AND she smokes non-stop.

DH's parents irritate me, but they DO babysit one day a week for me usually so I can concentrate on LO and get to appointments or do grocery shopping or clean house without having 2 little ones around.

If I was in a pinch, the ILs would help, but I'd almost always call my sister 2.5 hours away first. Lol.

Cherryblossoms07 · April 2014

That stinks! Did your mom give you a reason?

To answer your question, yes. The one thing I know I can always count on is that my parents will be there if I really need them. They are pretty awesome! That being said, I know that my parents are not comfortable with their abilities to watch small kids so I try not to ask for more than I know they are comfortable with; watching my kids overnight was not an idea that they were comfortable with until very recently. I should add that my parents and the ILs live across country so it is not like they can help very often.

nonoemily · April 2014

DHs family is wonderful. They live an hour away, but his dad just retired and my SIL and her daughter live there. They also still have my teenage BIL at home, so they've definitely kept their hand in as far as raising kids. They are down to earth, respectful and they love DS very much. They do live an hour away, so I don't as FIL to babysit just any old time, but if I really need him he is there.

My dad works in Alaska nine months out of the year. My mom is retired/unemployed and lives about fifteen minutes away. She gets to play with DS one day a week. She would happily watch him more, but she always wants everything on her terms and doesn't respect my boundaries at all. She's not a good person and I don't really want to be involved in her drama as much as possible, so even though I could ask her to help me, there are always strings attached.

I didn't just marry DH, I knew I wanted to be part of his family, too. I love my parents, but I am disappointed in the choices they've made and negative impact it's had on our whole family.

CiderWench · April 2014

My parents live 1800 miles away.

But my in-laws live on the same street as us and, even though my mother-in-law and I butt heads often, they are (overall) wonderfully involved in the lives of our children.

nosoup4u · April 2014

Sorry, it's really frustrating to have parents like that.

My mom is super flaky, and freaks out every time we visit (even tho we plan it w her consent, and my dad wants us to come). Once she uninvited us while we were driving to her house. And she was super jerky the first week after DS1, when he ended up in the hospital after he was born. She was super put-out every time we asked her to do anything (she drove up *for his birth*, so it's not like she had anything else to do!).

Hang in there. Are your in-laws helpful?

Court0026 · April 2014

My parents are involved but they live an hour away. They just recently said they would take both kids overnight of we needed or wanted them too. Dd has been quite a challenging kid until recently. FIL and SMIL we see every couple of months even though they live close. They have never watched the kids and I don't know if we would ask them except in an emergency. MIL and SFIL are also close by but they both work. Maybe a date night every other month but that is about it. I envy my sister who lives near our parents and they can all help each other out with things.

jag101 · April 2014

I feel your pain. My parents aren't there for me at all. They don't even come to my kids birthdays. I really struggle with it. I've come to the realizations that friends are family that we get to choose.

notkateanymore · April 2014

Yes, we're very lucky to have tons of involvement from both sides of our family. In fact, DD spent the night at my parents last night and with my aunt tonight. I am very close to my mom's youngest sister, closer than I am to my mom probably. DH's dad works {professor so he has more time in the summer and on breaks} but he takes DD to church every Wednesday and Sunday if she wants to go and then they go to lunch and garden. She spends the night over there every so often {she's not a huge fan of his wife, DH's mom passed away when DD was 6mo.} and they take her on trips every so often as well. Honestly, I can't imagine not being this close to family. They drive me nuts, but their relationship with DD was one of the things that kept us here.

lightgetsin · April 2014

Thanks everyone for sharing your situations. My parents have been pretty hands off my whole life. It is amazing to me that 40 years later I still hope that they will come through somehow and every single time they do not. I am not really sure why they are the way they are....maybe it has to do with the way they were brought up? My mom did not grow up in a loving family so she was never very loving. My dad is just pretty selfish all around even though he did grow up with a loving mom.

My father's mother who passed away 3 years ago was the only person I could really count on when I needed something. Since it has been like this our entire marriage we are pretty self sufficient obviously but every once in a while it gets me down. We do have friends and neighbors to ask for help if we ever need it but I always feel a little guilty asking people who are not family for help. Like with family you don't feel like you owe something in return but when it is a friend I always kind of feel like that. Not that they make me feel that way but I just don't want them to ever feel taken advantage of.

As far as why my mom won't watch the kids for us to go away for a night, I think it would just be putting her out. I mean, it would be hard. There are 4 of them but my two oldest are pretty much no work at all. They are more help than anything. My mom always has some reason though "I can't leave my pets for that long." or "I can't take any more time off work." She hasn't watched my kids or helped out at all in like the last 6 years. She does live pretty far away but I think she could manage once in a while.

DH's parents are both dead and they were old the whole time I knew them so they were never around much.

I just keep filing all these things away for when my kids have their own families. I will do whatever they need from me to help make their lives easier.

bumpuser8448316 · April 2014

My MIlL is amazing. My parents are kind if sucky

Chapter79 · April 2014

My parents are amazing in this aspect. They will help often, and very willingly. If I have a simple head cold, my mom will offer to take DD so I can rest and not do a thing (plus make dinner for us). And they take her for overnights at least monthly (DH and I don't go anywhere, they just like to have her overnight- they did this last night). And they take her once a year for a week while we go away.

We're super lucky in this area!

cactus5 · April 2014

We are very lucky that both our families are amazing. Everyone lives in the area and are a big part of our lives. My mom helps me out weekly with everything-watching the kids, laundry, cooking, etc. My in laws would also drop anything if we needed help, but they travel a lot so nothing consistent.

eaglesfan700 · April 2014

I thank God every day for my amazing parents. They are just the best. They would do anything for us. They are in great health but in their early 80's so I don't ask them to watch the kids. But I have siblings and nieces that are glad to help out

Spin313 · April 2014

My parents are pretty awesome, but DH's aren't. My mom and dad each watch DD for an hour during the week so I can volunteer at DS's school. Usually once a month, my dad will take DS roller skating.

Lindsay9911 · April 2014

I'm so sorry your parents aren't there for y'all! That's got to be rough!

My parents are very active in our lives! They see my kids 3-5 times a week and usually keep them at least once a week even if it's just an hour so I can run to the store or get something for dinner with DH!
My inlaws on the other hand always say they will do things and never do. It's annoying.

jag101 · April 2014

@tmsgrl‌ Are we sister's? It's like you wrote my story. Just think what awesome grandparents we'll be knowing that we'll be there for our kids and involved in our grand kids lives. Have your past make you better not bitter.

lightgetsin · April 2014

jag101 said:

@tmsgrl‌ Are we sister's? It's like you wrote my story. Just think what awesome grandparents we'll be knowing that we'll be there for our kids and involved in our grand kids lives. Have your past make you better not bitter.

@jag101 Hey sis can you watch the kids while DH and I go away for the weekend?

Disneygeek77 · April 2014

My parents are very helpful. Well, unless me and or the kids are sick, then she won't come near our place,even if I begged her.

Keeptruckin · April 2014

Yes, we are lucky in having involved families. My parents are getting older and will watch DD whenever I need. My sister is awesome and takes her overnight about twice a month! MIL is pretty great too, will come to our place to babysit. I don't like asking any family to watch her though, I wait until someone asks. If we are planning a night out I would rather pay a sitter.

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