Pregnancy Confessionals #5

Venus04 · April 2014

Hey gals,

Below is the next Pregnancy Confessional. If this is your first time seeing these, here are the others we've done:

Pregnancy Confessional #1 - What are your pregnancy cravings?

Pregnancy Confessional #2 - What pregnancy rules have you broken?

Pregnancy Confessional #3 - Who is getting on your nerves the worst during this pregnancy?

Pregnancy Confessional #4 - What pregnancy statement / question is the most annoying?

And now for #5 - What will you do differently with your child, that your own parents didn't do with you?

A gentle reminder that Pregnancy Confessionals are judgement-free, so if someone's answer upsets you, please refrain from responding. We all need a place from time-to-time to be honest without fear of backlash.

Here is my own response:

I'm insistent that my husband be extremely involved in the physical and emotional raising of our daughter, as my father was very hands off. He had the "ask your mother" attitude and it left me feeling as if my father never really wanted to parent. It also made me feel disconnected from him as a person. So my husband's involvement is crucial for my daughter's sake (as well as healing for me). As for my mother, though she was wonderful overall, she tends to adore babies, and lose interest as her children age. So as soon we left the house at eighteen, she never really parented us again, and rarely showed that she cared. It felt like losing a limb. Or like I was no longer interesting because I was an adult. It wasn't personal, she did it to all three of her children equally. But now it's important to me that my daughter feels like I adore and love her at every step in her life, and that I will always be there for her, as a mother and parent--even when we're both old and graying.

There's my confessional. What's yours?

chase16 · April 2014

My parents involved me in school activities if I wanted to be, but never showed me how to eat healthy or exercise. As a result, I was very heavy through middle school and high school. I want to show my daughter how to be active, and that exercise is good for both the mind and body

bcbuzzafsu · April 2014

To catch up,

What are your pregnancy cravings? Anything covered in nacho cheese/velveeta or if its creamy

What pregnancy rules have you broken? I eat lunch meat

Who is getting on your nerves the worst during this pregnancy? It's a toss up between the dog, the toddler and the DH

What pregnancy statement / question is the most annoying? How are you not sure it's a girl?

What will you do differently with your child, that your own parents didn't do with you? Public school

NSAbby · April 2014

I have to catch up, too!

Pregnancy Confessional #1 - What are your pregnancy cravings?

Chocolate. and Water, oddly enough.

Pregnancy Confessional #2 - What pregnancy rules have you broken?

I should probably rest way more than I do. My doctor is always on me about that
Pregnancy Confessional #3 - Who is getting on your nerves the worst during this pregnancy?

Strangers making comments
Pregnancy Confessional #4 - What pregnancy statement / question is the most annoying?
"Is this your first?" being PgAL, its just a question I hate.

And now for #5 - What will you do differently with your child, that your own parents didn't do with you?

My dad was pretty lost about parenting, after my mom passed away. He did a great job raising us, but I kind of wish there had been a little bit more structure/discipline and limits.

My brother and I both are volunteer/workaholics, and my dad never really taught us how to say "no". We both tend to take on more than we can chew, and then stress out about finishing projects we shouldn't have taken on in the first place.

Also, I wish I'd had a female around, to do "girl" things with, and ask questions.

I'm almost 30, and I still can't do my own makeup.

If I havent figured out all the "girl" thing I never did, by the time LO should be learning them, I will have a friend help.

I don't want my daughter(s) to not know how to re-apply eyeshadow and mascara at their own wedding(s)

jaimee2003 · April 2014

A little more "parent" and a little less "friend"(my mom is my favorite person in the whole world, and a an amazing Mother, but sometimes I look back on times where she may have been too much of a friend, when the situation probably called for more parenting), and I want our child/children to feel like they can tell us their emotions without worrying that we will judge, ridicule, or disregard them. Even if their emotions are about us in a negative way. My dad has never been able to handle me telling him when he has caused me pain, has never apologized for saying horrible things, so I've learned to not talk to him about anything personal. I don't want that for my children.

kaitm22 · April 2014

For us, it is more about not parenting like my ILs. Hubby never really felt supported in anything he did. His parents didn't really care how he did in school or what he did with his time. MIL only cared when he did well in sports so that she could have that one thing to brag about. He has a lot of resentment built up with them and I obviously don't want that for him and our own children.

Allison7 · April 2014

This is tough because DH and I are mostly pleased with our parents. One thing that will be different is that DH will be more involved with activities. My dad was interested, but he was so busy at work he didn't make many softball games, swim meets, dance competitions, etc. He tried, but even when he was there he was usually on the cell phone. DH would naturally make an effort to be at more events, but I understand that he will not be able to make them all because of his work. Still, I know when he goes he will not be on the cell phone. I also find it interesting that my dad is very excited about being grandpa and I believe that he will actually go to many of the events he missed with me. I am excited for that.

The other thing that will be different is that I am going back to work. Both my mom and mil were SAHM. I am not full time and I think I would have a hard time going to work full time, but I am looking forward to going back to my part time position. I feel like it gives me the opportunity to keep my career and use my education and be a mostly at home mom.

Gapin1aj · April 2014

DH was raised in a home where religion was jammed down their throats so to this day he hates church, i grew up going to church and it was more relaxed and pleasant... we just moved and even though we are non religious we are looking for a.church based on childrens programs so LO has that base

Raclla · April 2014

I won't have an only child. I knew from a young age that I would adopt or foster or steal children to not only have one.

I know there are some families that do a great job with only having one child. Mine did not.

My mom didn't talk to me about a lot of important stuff. The lines of communication were awkward when it came to boys, sex, my period, anything important. I want to change that.

NSAbby · April 2014

Raclla said:

I won't have an only child. I knew from a young age that I would adopt or foster or steal children to not only have one. I know there are some families that do a great job with only having one child. Mine did not. My mom didn't talk to me about a lot of important stuff. The lines of communication were awkward when it came to boys, sex, my period, anything important. I want to change that.

Ditto, except my dad* not mom.

I think the only reason I stayed sane was because my brother and I were going through everything together. He was my rock

cashews29 · April 2014

I also have to catch up ....

Pregnancy Confessional #1 - What are your pregnancy cravings? Starches and cheese. Essentially the crap that I shouldn't be eating!

Pregnancy Confessional #2 - What pregnancy rules have you broken? I've had a couple of sips of beer/wine. Other than that, I obey the food rules because my H is psycho about it.

Pregnancy Confessional #3 - Who is getting on your nerves the worst during this pregnancy? My H and my MIL. H because he thinks I'm a porcelain doll who can't do anything, but at the same times won't offer to help clean the house. My MIL because she's turned into Nosy McBusybody and is all up in our business all the time. She calls H almost daily with name ideas. We've already picked our name but we aren't revealing it.

Pregnancy Confessional #4 - What pregnancy statement / question is the most annoying? My favorite was "Was it planned?" I'm also kinda over "How are you feeling?" said in a concerned voice. Just ask me "How are you?" or "What's up?" I'm pregnant, not terminal.

And now for #5 - What will you do differently with your child, that your own parents didn't do with you?

I concur with all the posters talking about healthy eating habits. I don't think I ate vegetables growing up other than potatoes and carrots. I know kids don't like all vegetables since their tastebuds are different, but I plan on introducing them to as many kinds as possible. I also want to establish that physical activity is important from a young age. Yes, you can play video games, but go outside for an hour first!

mikescutie7 · April 2014

My parents didn't teach me healthy eating habits or encourage exercise. They learned later when I was an older teen how to be healthy themselves.

I want to teach my daughter from day 1 how important eating healthy and exercise are

arcarpe2 · April 2014

This probably seems like a no brainer but I don't want the LO to be raised in a hostile environment. My parents were very open about their fights and my mom stayed in an unhealthy marriage "just for the kids". DH and I have worked on good communication and vow never put our child through that.

MamaTugboat · April 2014

What will you do differently with your child, that your own parents didn't do with you?

Growing up as the oldest of four was at times great, but my parents often leaned on me as the oldest to help out. Which resulted in me semi-raising the 2 youngest, which has led to strained adult relationships today (we see and treat each other not just as sisters, but with a mother/daughter dynamic, which greatly complicates things). I really want to make sure we don't put pressure on our kids in this way, I think it's important that they learn to help out around the house and occasionally help/make dinner as they age, but they shouldn't feel like the house is going to fall apart if they don't help, and I don't want their social lives to be sacrificed (like mine was) to be able to pick up sisters from practice/make dinner/check hw/tuck them in, etc.

Also, I want to make sure to spend quality solo time with my kids. And to really learn their interests. I didn't get a ton of that growing up, and it would have been nice to have gone to an art museum alone with one parent every now and then.

Jentech84 · April 2014

Good topic for the confessional this week!

I'd have to say that I'd want my child(ren) to give things a try before saying no. I absolutely hate failure and will try to cover up and hide any mistakes I make because I'm beyond mortified when things happen. As a child I failed one level of swimming classes and was too embarrassed to try it again, so when brought to the sign ups one morning I kept telling my dad I didn't want to do it & they didn't make me. I only did one year of gymnastics and was scared about performing in front of a crowd (at 4 years old - and yes I remember it vividly!) and refused to sign up again for the next year even though my parents tell me now that I absolutely loved going to practices. If I didn't want to try things, they didn't make me.
Hell, I didn't want to do girl guides because my friends had done Brownies and I didn't want to look stupid not knowing what to do.
Even at 29 I have a hard time trying new things and admitting I don't know things.

So that's what I want to do with my kids - make them give it ol'college try before truly deciding they don't like something!

4PrivetDrive · April 2014

I agree with @laurelcharles! My family ate too much in front of the tv and so did DH's. DH and I have made sure to eat at the table. After DS was born, MIL was visiting and she made a comment one time during dinner how she hoped that we weren't just eating special at the table just for her. Um..no. But it shows how much his family did not eat at the table.

and also what @PunkieNight said. My parents never taught us money management skills and I had terrible finances up until after college. At one point I had up to 13 cards, like for OldNavy, Victoria's Secret, etc. I want my children to make better financial decisions and not struggle like I did.

andatcdc · April 2014

This is a deep question on so many levels!!

I think both my parents and DH parents did a pretty good job raising their kids. My parents have raised 3 doctors .. all of us are happily married and successful in life. They showed us a great example of what a marriage should be. I want to make sure I am available to attend my children's activities. My mom worked so much that she was rarely available to go to my games or concerts and it hurt a little. I am with others on instilling good eating habits and exercise at a young age. This will be difficult with my DH around because I need to instill the same in him. I don't want my child being the fat kid in class --- that was me! I also want to raise my children as naturally as possible. I know there is a time and place for medicine and the doctor, but I want alternative medicine to be the first choice of care. Overall it is more tweaking how I raise chidlren and not changing things.

haliebabyx3 · April 2014

Hmm. That's a good question.

I think growing up my parent's divorce had a lot to do with certain things. My mom had to work two jobs, so I went to school and then after school programs and then gymnastics a few nights a week. My dad lived over an hour away. I want to be more active in my children's life than my mom and dad were. Do not get me wrong they were active in a lot of things, not so much school. Any sports I played my mom wouldn't show up to the games nor my dad. I would cheer, play softball or whatever and then my mom would pick me up when it was over.

Affection is another thing. I know for a fact my mom loves me and we are so close, but growing up and even now she never told me she loved me. My dad does when I get off the phone with him. H and his family say it a lot. Every time he leaves their house he yells it out and every time they get off the phone. I really couldn't tell you the last time my mom told me she loved me, but I definitely know she does. I want to tell our LOs we do. They may know we do, but I still want to tell them that I do.

Eta: spelling

Unknown · April 2014

This content has been removed.

ungraceful13 · April 2014

With my kids I want to put less pressure on them to be perfect and not use them as an emotional punching bag.

KarenC806 · April 2014

As a long-time lurker that just started posting I'll play catch-up too!

Pregnancy Confessional #1 - What are your pregnancy cravings?

Skittles my whole first trimester, now orange pop (or "soda" for all you non-midwesterners :-)

Pregnancy Confessional #2 - What pregnancy rules have you broken?

Lunch meat, Dr. Pepper, and just being all around lazy and non active at all....I know I should at least take a walk around the block or something...
Pregnancy Confessional #3 - Who is getting on your nerves the worst during this pregnancy?

Some of my extra annoying students! Every year I have them but this year when I'm getting hungry or have to pee or just want to sleep they seem exxxxxxtra annoying!
Pregnancy Confessional #4 - What pregnancy statement / question is the most annoying?
I hate the "Do you have a name yet?" question because I don't want to choose a name until I meet little man, but I understand that it's a common pregnancy question. We'll have a top few choices and then pick when we see what he looks like.

And now for #5 - What will you do differently with your child, that your own parents didn't do with you?

I won't let them quit everything. Growing up I tried EVERYTHING. Every club, every sport, every extracurricular you can imagine. And my parents would pay for it and I'd do it for a season/year and then quit. I never became "good" at anything because I never really tried and I never became passionate about any sports or instruments or clubs. Then as an older teenager and in my early twenties I'd hop from job to job and hated making big decisions. College taught me how to commit more, but I admit I'm still a little flighty.... Now, I won't be a crazy Dance Mom or force my kid into anything, but I want to encourage them to stick to their commitments and try to find their passions.

And my in-laws did not encourage their kids to do anything. MH was very driven and excelled in school and was valedictorian and applied for colleges all on his own. They still say "yea we're not sure how he did so well..." because their other sons all either dropped out of high school or started and never finished college (they are both high school drop-outs too). So MH is dead-set on not being like his parents in the academic regard.

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