Community› The Bump Message Boards› 3rd Trimester
3rd Trimester
New Discussion

Telling teenage siblings about baby. Please Help!!! (loss mentioned)

mhooks23mhooks23 member
in 3rd Trimester

I normally stick to my birth month board because of my busy schedule so I don't often come onto this board and don't think I have ever posted, but I need some help ladies. I am 29 weeks pregnant and we are getting ready to tell my kids and SO's kids. Together our kids are 12 & 10 me and he has 17 & 9. SO's teenager was not happy when we mentioned having a child 2 years ago. That ended with a miscarraige at 16 weeks.  That is part of why we have waited so long to tell them, but needless to say we have waited so long now that we aren't giving them very much notice.  I started out my pg overweight and up until the last few weeks it has been pretty easy to hide but I am starting to really show so we really need to tell them. Plus I have at most 11 weeks left till baby is here.  I take BP meds that can cause complications that may bring him early, as early as 2 weeks from now so yeah time to tell. lol (not funny at all) 

I am super worried that he is going to be upset about it. Their relationship is strained at best already and I don't want this to be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak. Does anyone have any experience or any advice for this. I think the other kids will be super happy, although I realize they may not be and I think that it is okay for them to feel however they feel. I am just worried about completely losing SO's teen since the relationship is so rocky already.

Sorry for the length!  I am beginning to FREAK! Thank you in advance for any advice.  Comments and "How stupid can you be's" are welcome too.  I need at the discussion board courage I can get since I can't get any liquid courage. lol <3

BabyFruit Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Telling teenage siblings about baby. Please Help!!! (loss mentioned)

  • mhooks23mhooks23 member
    Yes this is a super long story and didn't want to make the post too long. My 2 kids live with us and his visit on Wed and every other weekend. The nitty gritty is we uphold groundings for the teenager (and all the kids) so for instance he received bad grades on his last grade card last year. Our rules are if you get bad grades you are grounded until the next grade card comes out. So he spent the time with us grounded unable to do anything where at his moms house she yelled at him about his grades, but refused to uphold our punishment. This has been the norm since we met. The ex will not uphold our punishments even though we uphold hers. SO is worried he will thing he is being replaced so much that he has basically ignored the pregnancy this whole time. I have been more than patient but this is a sore subject. I did not tell my parents until 3 weeks ago when felt I couldn't hide it anymore.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • darkangel42darkangel42 member
    I can't tell you how to tell the kids but I can tell you, from the kid's POV, how NOT to tell the teen with the tense relationship.

    My parents split and remarried when I was small so I've always had the step-parents but I loathe my Dad's wife (she's always hated me too but she made it far more well known than I did) and I'm a fair chunk older than all the siblings.
    When my sister appeared, my Ma took me somewhere just us and told me gently that she was expecting - I was thrilled (about 10 YO) same when my youngest brother happened in my mid-late teens. I was first to know, along with my grandparents.

    When my brother happened, I found out by the wicked step-mother talking about being pregnant when she knew I'd walk in, I wasn't even told straight out and my Dad wasn't involved (not his fault) and it was over halfway through. As a teenager who already was not a fan of my Dad (for marrying someone as child-friendly as a rabid wolverine) and his wife (the aforementioned wolverine), that wasn't the way to go.  I'd have appreciated the effort of my Dad sitting me down and telling me himself, properly, and making it known that I still mattered to him.

    Be prepared to answer why you waited so long to tell them as well, obviously your loss played a part (I'm sorry for that) but older kids may not get why you waited til almost the end to even mention it.

    Good luck.
    Report Reply
  • mhooks23mhooks23 member

    @darkangel42

    Thank you for your advice.  We actually told the kids this weekend as I had assumed the younger 3 kids are super excited especially the sister of the teen. He was not with us as we told the younger kids although after things clamed down with my oldest 12 the littles (as I call them) mine 10 and his 9.  I sent his oldest a text asking him to stop by after work, he had gotten off early and had already made it home to his moms house which is quiet a distance from our house.  He called us and we told him over the phone which was not what I wanted to do.  I would rather have driven to the house and told him face to face. 

     He was not angry as I expected although I was unable to hear his tone because he called his dad.  SO apologized for not telling sooner but we really wanted to wait until things were as certain as possible. 

     We planned to do it at 25 weeks although we only have them every other week and my step son has had band competitions and SO has had to work.  We didn't want to throw this info at him an have him not able to contact his dad or me the next day if he needed/wanted.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • darkangel42darkangel42 member
    Not ideal but everyone knows so you can relax and deal with questions at they pop up now.

    I'm glad he took it better than expected too
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"