We were That Family last night =(

kescalera · April 2014

So we went out to dinner last night for SS12's birthday, to his favorite Mexican restaurant, which DS usually loves too. Not sure who or what possessed my kiddo but I got about 3 bites in me, a couple slurps of a margarita and spent most of the time outside with a screaming, temper tantrum throwing little hellion. DH was so frustrated and embarrassed he had our food all boxed up & taken to-go and SS felt so awful he didn't even want to order a dessert to go. Poor kid. He's already dealt with the new, very much younger sibling and watching his dad act differently with DS, we try to make his special days really be all about him as best we can.

I left the waitress a big tip and we slunked back home, put DS straight to bed and just shook our heads. Normally DS is so well behaved in public. He loves to look at all the people and watch all the action. These tantrums are starting to show up more frequently and we're not sure where they came from. DH blames daycare but I just don't know what to think!

How in heavens name, do you discipline a toddler?

minervacullen · April 2014

That's normal, you just have to remove them from the situation. He wasn't being bad, he was probably over stimulated, tired, just wanted to be home Etc...

Jackiemxoxo · April 2014

We are definitely entering the tantrum stage. Going out to eat is hit or miss lately. Usually dh and I have to take turns keeping dd entertained which may include walking around the lobby of the restaurant or outside, depending on how long we have been there. We try to go out to eat early which is usually when dd does best.

Sorry you guys had a rough night. Hopefully you can do it again and things go smoother. Mexican is usually a good choice too because its loud anyway.

JessAnnJ · April 2014

Unfortunately I think it's the age. I also think it could be that it was a Friday. I think maybe with daycare they are pretty exhausted from the end of the week just like we are from working all week. We rarely go out on a Friday, but we did last Friday for an early dinner and she was the worst she has ever been. I have never taken her outside but did that day.

minervacullen · April 2014

I just want to add that tantrums are now a daily occurance around here, as well as crazy screaming. Sigh

MrsBigTime · April 2014

It's their age. DH has declared we will never go out to eat again multiple times because of LO's feisty behavior (she's not awful, promise!). I'm shocked that my sweet little baby can be such a stinker, but at least we're all not alone!

perfectlove09 · April 2014

Sorry you had a bad night and I'm sorry your 12 year old felt bad

maybe you can make it up to him.
As for your question. I think the better question is "how do I teach a toddler?" Not "how do I disapline a toddler?" They are still learning...all the time. They need guidence in how to behave in different situations and settings. At this age and for a little while yet they are completely unable to control their emotions. That's partly why CIO is so controversial but many either don't know it or ignore it. Until a child is 3 or 4 years old their brains aren't mature enough to "self sooth" or rein in their emotions. That's why it's such a roller coaster. One minute their laughing, the next their crying, then angry then laughing again. And you can't force the maturity either. Until specific areas of their brain have developed and very specific synapses start connecting and neurons firing...you just have to wait it out

Disapline suggests that they are doing something wrong that they know is wrong. He's still just learning and everyone has to be patient with him. It's hard and frustrating but if you put in the time now with helping him learn and give him patients it'll pay off in the end. And your older son will learn a lot from it too.

I've noticed as Alivia gets older and is walking and starting to talk and her personality is really shinning through , people start expecting her to behave like an adult...I see it at the library and swim classes with other kids. It's like parents just want them to mature faster than they are able to. I may be reaching here but I think a lot of it is with all the instant gratification we get now. And we aren't always patient with those who need it most.

Everyone learns best by positive reinforcement. So, instead of just focusing on what he's doing wrong, redirect him with good things, right behavior, and praise him when he's acting really wonderful. He'll start to figure out the actions that get your praise and he'll strive to act that way more. Hat being said...he's 16 months and this is a time of testing boundaries and figuring out what is ok. Sometimes a gentle exit from resturant is going to be required. Don't make him feel bad for it or like he did anything wrong. Just take him out, let him cool down and then try going back in. If he feels shame or embarrassment for "acting out" it won't teach him in a positive way how to behave.

Like others alrwady said, it was probably over stimulating for him. We don't ever take DD out when it's bed time. Period. We've realized that it's not fair to her to drag her around when she's tired and still expect her to be on her best behavior. I'm not saying you went at bed time but maybe he just needed some down time with mommy and daddy and big brother after a long week at day care. They miss us and need more time to regroup when we're gone all day.

And as embarrassed as your husband felt I highly doubt as many people noticed or cared as he thinks. When you're the one with the noisy baby you always think EVERYONE is watching lol and most people are just noticing there is noise but aren't paying attention. And there are plenty of parents in any resturant that have been in the same situation.

Hang in there

Oh...and I won't charge you for the book I just wrote lol

jsoubel · April 2014

There is a definitely a phase going on at this age with the temper tantrums, teething, and whatever else. Yesterday, DD1 was so sweet and fun. Then, last night I watched her get out of bed on her monitor at 1am and proceed to throw a screaming fit in the middle of the night. It took DH 30 minutes to calm her down and get her back into bed. That has never happened before. She was freaking out and it's just continued this morning. Happy Easter!

I assume this too shall pass. In the meantime, it's all about distracting her when she gets going and waiting it out until my sweet DD1 comes back. Or exorcism. Maybe an Easter exorcism....

jac409 · April 2014

We have been out to dinner with family in town the last two nights. DD didn't have a temper tantrum, but she was definitely not the sweet, easy little girl she used to be when we went out. I definitely think it is the age they are at right now. I had to take her out for a few minutes on Saturday night, just to calm her down. I have never had to do that before. Everyone has been warning us that this stage was coming though, so I expect it may get worse before it gets better. No advice here, just know it isn't just you!

ExcitedAunt2b · April 2014

Oh man, it seems like every time we go out with Morgan she throws a tantrum! DH gets irritated but I have to remind him that she's only 16 months old and learning her limits and, most likely as stated above, she's tired or hungry or overstimulated!

I wouldn't even give the scene in the restaurant a second thought, it probably happens all the time and at least you removed him from the situation instead of letting him sit there and scream! I can't stand when parents do that. Like @perfectlove09 mentioned, is there a way you can get a sitter for DS and take SS out for a special dinner, or maybe one on one time with your DH?

SingleMom31 · April 2014

Something that I've found that helps us is to really plan for going out to eat, like you would any other outing. We make sure DD isn't tired/getting close to bedtime, give her something before we go to hold her over, and bring toys to entertain her. If we miss those things, it's usually bad news bears. Like, we got to my parents' house around 6:30 last night and bedtime is normally like 7-8... It was definitely pushing it to go out, but my dad wanted to. About halfway through, she was ready to go... We finished quickly and exited gracefully.

Either way, don't give it much thought... Most parents have been there before and non parents are just thankful you're dealing with your LO instead of letting it happen...

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