AW: Frustrating week (BFPs mentioned, definitely not mine)

DharmaChick · April 2014

The first half of this week was stressful enough with a work trip that involved several flights/stops. I was going beta or bust, and had my test scheduled for after I returned. What kept me in a decent mood was that I was, for some foolish reason, almost completely convinced that it would be a BFP this time around.

The morning of my test, my temp dropped and the Crinone turned a nasty brown color, and I knew that it was a BFN. I tried to get all of the crying out of the way before heading out to the RE's office, then work. It was a stressful workday for work reasons, exhaustion from the trip, and because I had the impending news of the BFN in the back of my mind. I checked the voicemail when I got home, and the results were as expected.

The thing that is really getting to me, though, is that there have been at least three pregnancy announcements in the past couple of days. THREE. One of them I know did IVF (though it is baby #2), and I am happy for her. Another was an unintentionally insensitive, blunt text. However, it is the one announced today that hits me hard:
She is in her twenties, and very recently mentioned that they were going to start TTC later in the year. During that conversation (a few weeks ago), she mentioned to the person next to me that 34 was her "cut-off" for TTC, which was like a punch to the gut because that is the age I will be turning this year.
At that time, I could sense that they were not really "waiting" to try, but were currently trying. (She was talking too excitedly about it, and she didn't touch a drop of alcohol when we were all out in a bar.) I said then to DH that if they had a BFP first, it would be crushing news for me.

Sure enough, the news stings. I really hate that I can't just be happy for her. I feel so guilty and selfish for being upset.

wanderlust508 · April 2014

Hugs, I'm so sorry! And I can completely relate to finding it hard to feel happy for someone else who gets there first. It doesn't make you a bad person! Do something to spoil yourself and lift your spirits.

DharmaChick · April 2014

Thanks.
To top it off, I have some crazy PMS right now, but I don't think that AF is "officially" here.

(Gross info, sorry:) The progesterone has been a dark brown color for a few days, but I don't know if that counts as AF?? My periods on birth control were usually very light.

GRRR
The dish I'm prepping today includes wine, and I'm tempted to pour the rest in a glass. I'm not much of a drinker, but it seems like a good plan today.

Pintobean39 · April 2014

I totally understand. ((Hugs))

I'm struggling myself with a so called friend that got preg the beginning of this yr while on bc. I think what gets me the most is she found out last year about my first pregnancy and never said a word and when I miscarried never said anything either. She also knew about my 2 other miscarriages and again nothing was said. She never even told me she was pregnant nor did any of our other friends mention to me she was pregnant. I was at a get together and half way through the night it dawned on me everyone knew but were being hush hush around me and would quit talking about it when I walked up. Her husband told my husband to tell me and the night of the get together she asked my husband if I knew but she still never spoke to me. I thought it was still a secret at the time. I sent her and her husband a text the next day and congratulated them. I've recently received her announcement in the mail but not one has anyone said to me oh yeah she's preg.

So now I'm torn were having a get together next sat at my house and I'm debating on inviting here. Honestly I don't care to because if she was a friend she would have been more supportive to me during my difficult times and it's really going to be hard to spend a day listening to her talk about her pregnancy. I don't know if emotionally I'm ready for this yet. Then again I feel horrible for thinking that way.

theholmanherd · April 2014

Drink all the wine!

I'm sorry you went through all that, honey. What a bummer. (((HUGS)))

lebradford · April 2014

I'm sorry. I'd drink all the rest of the wine, for sure. Don't forget the chocolate!

jencity9 · April 2014

(((Hugs))) that kind of pregnancy news is the worst. My best friend told me she and her H are trying and I am terrified at the thought she'll be pregnant before me.

It is definitely so difficult to feel this way but we are all there with you!

Mozzarella13 · April 2014

((Hugs)) so sorry buddy!! As far as that wine goes, I'd take the picture @AlaskaDee23‌ posted and finish that bottle!!

DharmaChick · April 2014

I know that I've said it many times before, but I don't know what I would do without you ladies!

You're the only people I know who truly understand. :x

If I haven't said it enough, thank you!!

DH: "Where did this wine go?" Lol!

MrsCMK2011 · April 2014

So sorry you've had such a crummy week !! I'd totally finish the wine and then crack open another bottle

hugs !!

DharmaChick · April 2014

@Pintobean39 and @jencity9 : I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, right now too. *Hugs*

Pintobean39 · April 2014

DharmaChick said:
I know that I've said it many times before, but I don't know what I would do without you ladies!

You're the only people I know who truly understand. :x

If I haven't said it enough, thank you!!

DH: "Where did this wine go?" Lol!

I have a wine cooler stocked want a bottle ... Or two.... Or three?

DharmaChick · April 2014

Pintobean39 said:

I know that I've said it many times before, but I don't know what I would do without you ladies!

You're the only people I know who truly understand. :x

If I haven't said it enough, thank you!!

DH: "Where did this wine go?" Lol!
I have a wine cooler stocked want a bottle ... Or two.... Or three?

Haha, yes, please!

DharmaChick · April 2014

calindi said:

Big, big hugs! I think we all have been there at some point. Last weekend, I saw on Facebook some friends announcing who I know for a fact could not have started trying before Jan 1st. And here they are, 3 months along, perfect fucking timing. I was really proud of myself though: only 30 seconds of being teary and sad, and then I got it together and it hasn't bothered me (much) since.

Thanks. Hugs for you, too.
Kudos to you for moving past it!

tifga · April 2014

Oh that is awful. The same thing happened a couple weeks ago to me.
((Hugs))

BunnyBerry · April 2014

I'm so sorry, sounds like that "friend" was being pretty sneaky about "we're going to start trying in October" just so she could milk the attention for her BFP.

Then again, perhaps they had some previous health concerns that could affect fertility and so wanted to give themselves more time before people had expectations? I don't know, just trying to find an excuse for you to brush off her news....

I am so afraid of being hurt and jealous over younger, or more recently married, friends getting pregnant easily. I try to convince myself that they even if they get pregnant immediately, they will miss out on all these great "couple" years DH and I have had alone together.

Of course when it comes to those women with unhealthy lifestyles or no desire to have kids getting KU...I've got nothing, that just hurts.

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AW: Frustrating week (BFPs mentioned, definitely not mine)

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