Family/Friends & IVF

Bandy514 · April 2014

Did you tell any of your family and friends about your plans for IVF and why or why not?

We won't be cycling until sometime this late Summer or early Fall, but I'm trying to decide if I want to tell anybody or not.

Thanks.

Tea+ · April 2014

We're pretty open with our journey so most of our family & close friends know. We get great support so it's been okay so far. We just went thru our first ER fail. And it was nice to have support. That may change slightly next go 'round but we'll see. Good luck!

kz's_girlygirl · April 2014

I am very open about our infertility struggle, but only told my parents about our IVF timeline this time. It's really nice to have support, but if you tell people who might be constantly checking in with you about how your appointments go, how you are feelings etc. (and you don't want that) I wouldn't share the details. For me, constant text messages or calls from people who were trying to support me/were curious made me feel even more pressure.

Spring78 · April 2014

This is a very personal decision. I can only speak from my own experience, but acknowledge that many people feel differently and choose a different path. For me, I have told all of my immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings & in-laws). Our family is very close and the idea of trying to keep something that has become such a big part of my life a secret would be unthinkable. It just seems exhausting and an unnecessary burden on top of what is already a very stressful situation. I am so glad we have been upfront! We didn't tell them for the first 6 months or so that we were trying and suffered through all kinds of teasing and comments about when we'd have a family... After a while it really began to sting. But after we told them what was going on, the potentially hurtful comments stopped immediately and they have been great ever since. I am aware how lucky I am that my family is very supportive and respectful (at least about this ;-)) - they will generally listen when I need to share and not pry when I am not in the mood to share. Being honest and open and trusting our family members was the right choice for us.

MSoup · April 2014

i totally agree that there's not one way that is right or wrong but we decided not to tell most of our friends and family; only my best friend, my parents and sister know that we have any IF issues and we didn't tell any of them until we were about to start our first try with IVF.

After several comments from my younger sister about how 'this is no big deal' and how her friend did ivf so she knows all about it we decided not to tell my family about this current cycle. While it is nice that they care, my sister's misdirected comments were more stressful than useful so we decided less comments and opinions might be better. it is really isolating though.

DisneyG2 · April 2014

We have only told a couple people (my father, aunt, mother-in-law, BFF, and my supervisor at work because of time off needed) A couple more know we have been TTC for a couple years so they might think something but the way I see it I did not want many people to know, the more that know the more times you have to re-hash every detail of your cycles and the more people that are super excited for you and then you have to tell them when it does't work. This whole process is a lot to take on and I just wanted to be pretty private with it (in general I'm pretty private and I tend to not share to much anyways). Total personal decision though.

BeckyP005 · April 2014

@AlaskaDee23 I was just thinking about this today. MH's brother and sister know and their spouses. Now his parents know because of big mouth sister. I have 3 good friends that know. I got kinda bummed thinking like you said we will know 10 days or so after transfer and if it does work I wanted to only know so I could tell them in some cute announcement. Now they all will know too. Oh well....

jaztastic · April 2014

The only people that know when Im actively cycling is my boss, and 2 of my best girlfriends. Most of my immediate family know we have trouble trying to conceive (parents/siblings), but have no idea that we go through IVF or treatments. Majority of our friends and family just think we are taking our time. Every now and again I open up to someone about IF in general, but not many people know.

I like my privacy... and I have had some very bad instances when people have sort of thrown IF in my face as a way of negating an opinion Ive had about things. Ive gotten ignorant comments, and Ive heard people say mean things about others that are open about IF. So I choose to keep it to myself.

Even on a small scale from my girlfriends they dont always know what to say or how to react to treatments and procedures, especially the CPs... so I'd rather not have to deal with too many people knowing. And I really want to surprise my mom with the "im pregnant" announcement, and have it be a total shock to her. So thats my main reason for keeping my family in the dark. That and the fact that as much as I love her, the woman cant hold water. lol Everybody would know everything before I could blink.

gsancho · April 2014

I told the people who I figured would need to eventually know if things didn't work or those who would need to know due to work schedule. So my bosses, my close friend at work, my mom, and my best friend...although I kind of regret telling my best friend b/c while she is very supportive, she is pregnant and would want daily updates. We don't live in the same city so I let her know that for next time we try IVF I may want privacy, which she understood. A lot of other people know we are doing IVF, but don't know anything about the schedule - just that we were planning on trying in the spring/summer.

LizBlue · April 2014

We are very open about everything but I avoid telling everyone the details of our timeline for exactly the reasons PP have mentioned. I am sure to tell people that "no news is bad news" with the expectation that they will not ask me how every procedure is going.

ikrystal · April 2014

My husband and I have only told a few people what we went through/are going through with infertility. I dont think there is a right or wrong choice here, just a personal decision and what you are most comfortable with. For me, I could not take the questions, etc. that came with infertility cycles. So I just avoided it by not telling anyone. Also, my friends and family are super super fertile - they have no idea what any of this is, nor would they understand or take the time to understand. I could see us getting a lot of negative responses if we let the cat out of the bag. However, many people have more support and would like that support during infertility treatments. A lot of PPs have already said that they told people but didnt necessarily divulge details on timelines, which I think takes a lot of pressure off.

KT416 · April 2014

No one knows we are even trying. We will be starting IVF soon, and we haven't decided yet if we will tell anyone or talked about it yet). I think I am going to take my husbands lead and see what he is comfortable with.

pjpahel · April 2014

For my first 3 cycles, I only told my best friend and someone at work. I started taking the injections at work, and I was afraid I would have a reaction, and noone would know

I felt as though I didn't want to have to answer constant questions about the process and such. I also didn't want weeks of well, are you pregnant??? Especially if (and when) it was a BFN. Then to follow is all the things people say to make you feel better...

It was easier to keep it private.

Pj

diamante1181 · April 2014

For us this time around, literally less than 5 ppl know. I just grow weary of all the questions, and 95 percent of ppl have NO CLUE what ivf entails, and they kill with the questions. For me, no thanks. We are keeping it as quiet as possible just because of that.

Hpearl · April 2014

I have been struggling with this in a major way! DH and I are pretty open with our families with everything, although if we start IVF I don't want to tell everyone.... I want it to be a surprise for someone darn it! At least if/when we become pregnant, I want to experience the surprise of telling family. At least one thing could not involve spreadsheets, payment plans, and calculations!

I have a good friend that I told, and I totally regret it. So many insensitive comments, I am not sure our friendship will survive, and we are talking 15 years of friendship and they introduced my husband and I. In retrospect, I wish I had kept it more private in terms of friendships.

I think overall it is just a personal decision. My only advise is that you cannot "untell" someone once they know.... so I would take it slow to try and avoid being overwhelmed by all of the support!

Good luck!

JessicaM2008 · April 2014

1st IVF Cycle was kept completely private.

For our 2nd ivf cycle we have opened up to our family and friends.

They each had their benefits...such as privacy, no questions, etc.

Now that everyone knows...the MIL was upset we didn't tell them 1st and started all this unnecessary drama...then she asked 20,000 questions, posted stuff on Facebook--finally, I told her to stop, that if she had any questions to search ivf procedures online and to let us have our privacy since there was a chance it won work again (not to be negative about it just realistic).
Other then that most have been very supportive!

WA1215 · April 2014

I've only told my Mom. Since we don't plan on starting the process til summer, I'm thinking about not talking about it to anyone so that it won't be so stressful having to answer questions about it. I may not talk about it again to my mom, unless she asks (which she probably won't, she have given me space and privacy during my IF journey, she lets me open up to her about what's going on, which I like). I'm hoping when we do finally get a bfp, and after the first tri, I may tell people what we went through, or after birth. I'm rambling...

dp21 · April 2014

We have been open with close family and friends about our IVF process. They know not to ask any questions and wait for the updates. It is nice getting emails, phone calls of support after the updates. My updates usually include what we are doing and I send pictures of our meds/needles/procedures/calendars via email to group of close people so they can get a sense of what we are actually going through. I told them when our pregnancy test will be and asked that they not bring it up unless we do, because it may be a very sad or happy day for us. My manager at work has been great, said to let me know what she can do to make my work schedule better. It has been a positive experience for us thus far.

jen102279 · April 2014

We have told our parents and some of my very close friends, but that's it. DH is worried about people being not supportive of our decision to go through IVF...I think he's wrong. But I'd rather wait until we are pregnant with a known healthy baby and tell them that we were pregnant. If they ask the how's< I think we'd both be more open to it then.

Family/Friends & IVF

Re: Family/Friends & IVF

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Family/Friends & IVF

Re: Family/Friends &amp; IVF

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Choose Another Board

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Re: Family/Friends & IVF

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!