Funny things parents say

MommyAtty · April 2014

So tonight at dinner I uttered, not for the first time, "We do not put forks and spoons in our hair." Fairly certain that combination of words never exited my mouth before I became a parent. So what things have you found yourself saying that you never would have said pre-kiddo?

MommyAtty · April 2014

Here's another. DD has slight tummy issues. DH was changing her dirty diaper, and I asked him (yelling across the house) if it was like rabbit turds. His response? "No, more like guacamole. (Pause.) Check that. Guacamole makes it sound like it's green. Make that refritos!"

mlee116 · April 2014

"No, we don't rub our privates on the couch."

jf198400 · April 2014

"Do you have a stinky poo pot?"

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

"Thank you for wiping your nose on my shoulder. I needed some baby snot to complete my outfit."

I fear I am going to raise DS to be the most sarcastic little kid ever

$:\$ ">

jf198400 · April 2014

I routinely lie to my 2yr old when he wants to play a game on my iPhone. Sorry games aren't working, it's broken.

sewolff · April 2014

Don't lick your shoe.

Do you have a poop or is that just gas?

We don't eat the cat's food.

cecilyandgautam · April 2014

"Please don't break my shirt." (as DD pulls on any strings or beads the decorate my blouse)

"That's correct, Daddy's not a dog."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think squirrels like sticks."

mae0111 · April 2014

I recently found myself screaming, "Do not wipe your boogers on your sister!" Really hard not to laugh as it was coming out of my mouth.

Avion22 · April 2014

LO's less than 3 weeks old, so mostly it's just been talk about his poop! Everyone warned us that we'd talk a lot about poop, and they were right.

MommyAtty · April 2014

Avion22 said:
LO's less than 3 weeks old, so mostly it's just been talk about his poop! Everyone warned us that we'd talk a lot about poop, and they were right.

21 months in, that hasn't changed for us. Lol.

dglvrk2 · April 2014

MommyAtty said:

Avion22 said:
LO's less than 3 weeks old, so mostly it's just been talk about his poop! Everyone warned us that we'd talk a lot about poop, and they were right.

21 months in, that hasn't changed for us. Lol.

Yep!
We were grocery shopping today and DD2 (3 mo old) took a HUGE poop She let us know this by grinning from ear to ear. As I rushed her to the bathroom, I told DH - and everyone else in earshot-"It's a happy poop!"

groovygrl · April 2014

dglvrk2 said:

LO's less than 3 weeks old, so mostly it's just been talk about his poop! Everyone warned us that we'd talk a lot about poop, and they were right.

21 months in, that hasn't changed for us. Lol.
Yep! We were grocery shopping today and DD2 (3 mo old) took a HUGE poop She let us know this by grinning from ear to ear. As I rushed her to the bathroom, I told DH - and everyone else in earshot-"It's a happy poop!"

Encopresis at our house, the poop talk is still going strong & he'll be 5 in August...

"Don't lick...." is a common one in our family. Recently it was please don't kiss or lick the easter candy display at the grocery store...and then not surprisingly I got stuck buying a big chocolate bunny b/c it got licked (the wrapper but still ugh).
Also please don't kiss people you don't know and please don't kiss kids at school without asking first. Which then got changed to just please don't kiss kids at school, you can high five or hug. I'm paranoid my DS will be that kid on the news suspended from kindergarten for innocently kissing some kid in the class. (he doesn't do it on the mouth but still....)

diamondduck13 · April 2014

K3am said:
Here, smell her butt.

I think this is a daily utterance for us

MommyAtty · April 2014

Along the same lines, I actually said "we do not pull down grandma's shirt" this weekend. My kid wasn't even breastfed and I swear she's obsessed with pulling down my shirt and my MIL's. Oh, and this weekend I said "We do not wear Mommy's bras on our head." Which made my husband almost fall off our bed laughing because he couldn't see her until she ran away from me to save her make-shift Easter bonnet.

rmbrjry · April 2014

Much the same as PP. My LO is obsessed with putting her hands down my shirt. Also, grabbing my nipples. Ugh. She also loves to wear my bras like a backpack and/or hat.

And I say "Please don't hug the dogs butt" much more often than I ever thought I would.

MommaP12 · April 2014

"no headbutting" to my 19 month old. :-O

laujam31 · April 2014

No... dinosaurs don't woof.

Please don't eat your socks.

And we also have issues with licking the dishwasher!

CarrieB. · April 2014

Today I told my potty training almost three year old that in some countries its against the law to leave the house without peeing first. I don't even know where this stuff comes from, but she did pee on the potty before we left.

Over the weekend, she loudly announced to everyone in Panera that she peed at the zoo, so I guess we talk about a lot of bathroom stuff too.

jennyelf · April 2014

"Your head is not a weapon." Said weekly ever since LO was about 5 weeks old and had some head control and would then lose head control and whack whoever was holding them with their head.

"No, Daddy can't poop on command." Said in response to LO sitting on his bathroom stool saying, "I sit here and watch." "Sit and watch what?" "Daddy poop on potty." "You want to sit here and watch Daddy poop on the potty?" "Yes."

cecilyandgautam · April 2014

"Please don't lick the kids at school. It's really important."

"Why are you scratching my butt? That's really unnecessary." and my DH chimes in with: "If mommy wants to scratch her butt, she'll do it herself."

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