DH Phobic of needles

kassidybl · April 2014

FTM and at the point where I need to get my Tdap vaccine. My OB ok'ed me for not grabbing the Flu vaccine since it makes me horribly sick from it. My parents are completely ok with getting their vaccines since they want to spend as much time as they can with their first grandkid. I'm rather phobic of needles, but it's gone to the wayside since getting pregnant (I'm thinking it's my mommy mindset of 'it is best for baby' that's helping) and I'm planning on getting it within the next week.

The main thing is...DH is so phobic of needles that he goes into a panic attack. Won't go to see a doctor or dentist. Nothing that involves the possibility of needles.

I plan on EBF...but I'm curious, have any of you ladies had this issue? I know breastfeeding will give LO my antibodies, but would that be enough that DH doesn't need the vaccine?

I want what is best and safest...but at the same time, I don't want to induce another panic attack.

oscarwao · April 2014

I would maybe have hubby take a trip to his MD to see if you could be given a one time prescription for a benzo.... Should relax him enough to get him through the shot.

rainydayluck · April 2014

So he'd rather risk his baby's health than get the vaccine? I agree with PP, he needs to see if doctor to get some anti-anxiety meds and get the shot. He should also start seeing someone about his issues.

LoriLee14 · April 2014

I don't like shots, I cry if I know that needle is for me. I will avoid them at all cost, including getting the flu mist instead. But sometimes you just have to turn your head and get it over with. If this is actually a fear then he need to seek coping methods.

If this is being stubborn, then you need to be more stubborn

ncbelle · April 2014

My hubby is needle phobic too - which is weird given the things that don't bother him! - but I think if you feel the vax is important, he needs to buck up and find a way to deal. Also might be worth asking how he is going to handle watching you say get an IV in labor if necessary or how he will handle watching your children get shots.

Not to diminish the fear but at the same time, it has to be faced at some point!

divinemsbee · April 2014

I've dealt with a phobia of needles all my life. It's not logical, and it's not something I was able to just 'get over.' This time last year it was an absolutely paralyzing fear. I've had a lot of blood drawn since last June. The first time I was a crying gibbering wreck. What has helped me, in addition to seeking some phobia specific therapy, is to be very honest with whomever is drawing my blood. Telling them exactly what my fear is and what I need to make it go faster for everyone and avoid me having a panic attack. Generally, they've been really receptive, it's in their interest, too, to make it go as well as possible. Needles are a tricky phobia. No one really enjoys dealing with them, so it's often thought to that one can get through it with no big deal. One of the other things I do is clear ahead of time if an appointment will require a needle (to the best of the known ability, it's not always possible to say, but a lot of times it is).

However, there's even a hierarchy of needle fear with me, so being able to have blood drawn only marginally helped with my fear of shots. And when I had to get a shot for the first time in years (in February) I was really sure to explain this to my doctor. We talked about what would be best for me and she was very accommodating (putting all of the medicine into one syringe instead of two, giving me a Xanax before the shot, making sure I had the best injection nurse).

He needs to do it, and, as he gets older, he will need to go to the doctor (and the dentist, dental health is really important to overall health). If you guys are going to get like insurance (and you should think about that), most of the time it requires a physical. I agree with Joy that you don't want to pass this on. My mom used to get really upset when I got shots or had blood drawn as a kid, and my dad thinks that's part of what caused my phobia to develop. It's good for no one when your kid is 17 and he or she has to be restrained in your lap to get a blood test for mono (that was me). Your H needs to talk to his primary care (or, since it would seem that he doesn't have one, maybe your doctor), and find the best way to deal with the right now. And then seek some help on how to deal with it long haul. But, yes, he needs to TDAP.

veetveet · April 2014

Emla patches, anxiety meds.... etc. Talk to your doctor.

Would he seriously compromise the health of his baby because of a needle?

alisonmoose · April 2014

I'm in the same situation with my husband, he's always said he would rather get the flu than have the vaccine.
I only read in a book yesterday about family being vaccinated to help protect our little one (he will be born in July), non of my doctors/midwives have mentioned anything though so i'm not sure if it's nessesary or just a precaution that some people take?

I am the same with needles, vaccines but I found just going along to the pharmacy for it doing helps me, rather than having to sit in a doctors surgery, it's a much more relaxed atmosphere and whenever i've been theres been no waiting.

Maybe you could book your husbands vaccine in secret, then just say you need something for the pharmacy and spring it on him once he's there with you so he doesn't have time to panic?
My husband has done this with me plenty of times and it's always helped, and been such a relief that it's all sorted and will all be over within 5 minutes of me finding out.

Pepper6 · April 2014

Maybe someone can explain this better than I can, but there's a difference between a general fear/extreme dislike of needles and a legit phobia. Either way, he will need to speak to a doctor about the best way to approach this because shots aren't something he can avoid now or in the future as he gets older. Obviously, it won't be as easy as simply saying "you need to suck it up for the sake of your child", but hopefully something along that line will impress upon him the importance of starting to deal with his fear/phobia.

ElTrain5 · April 2014

I haver a huge needle phobia and just recently managed to get the tdap myself. It was a major step for me in dealing with my fear, so I completely get where your H is coming from.

All the things that PP's have suggested are great (therapy, benzos, informing your care provider etc.)

This may sound a title strange, but for me, the thing that really helped while I was sitting there waiting for the shot was hearing that awful pertussis vaccine commercial in my head over and over, the one where the baby is coughing and gasping for air? It's absolutely heartbreaking and it really helped me to focus on why I was doing this, which provided a much needed distraction. In those moments where I wanted to get up and run out, I just pictured my own baby boy not being able to breath because of me, and I managed to stay there in my seat until it was over. Here is a link to the commercial I'm talking about

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq9mkRr_E7c

Also, for me it helped to not plan it at all, I literally walked from the candy aisle at CVS over to the minute clinic a few minutes before they closed, sat down, and got it. Totally out of the blue. It eliminated the anxiety build up (or at least shortened it to a couple of minutes).

Best of luck…I know it's incredibly difficult to overcome a phobia, even when you know how great the reason is.

alisonmoose · April 2014

Joy2611 said:

Pepper6 said:

Maybe someone can explain this better than I can, but there's a difference between a general fear/extreme dislike of needles and a legit phobia. Either way, he will need to speak to a doctor about the best way to approach this because shots aren't something he can avoid now or in the future as he gets older. Obviously, it won't be as easy as simply saying "you need to suck it up for the sake of your child", but hopefully something along that line will impress upon him the importance of starting to deal with his fear/phobia.

YES. Thank you.

If he has a legit phobia, many people in this thread are acting like jerks.

If he just doesn't like needles, then husband is being an jerk.

And a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge WTF to the person who suggested tricking him into the shot. That is just horrifically wrong.

It's not "horrifically wrong" at all. I'm just saying that's what has worked for me, obviously I'd asked my husband to sort it out months in advance but not tell me where or when and just forget about it, it's something this lady can discuss with her husband to see if that would help so he wouldn't have time to have a panic attack.

alisonmoose · April 2014

Joy2611 said:

alisonmoose said:

It's not "horrifically wrong" at all. I'm just saying that's what has worked for me, obviously I'd asked my husband to sort it out months in advance but not tell me where or when and just forget about it, it's something this lady can discuss with her husband to see if that would help so he wouldn't have time to have a panic attack.

Yes, it sure as hell is to trick him into facing his worst fear. Do you know how many times I wondered if people would purposefully spike my food with epicac just so that I would throw up "and it would be all over with?". That kind of situation just fuels an already burning and out of control fire.

If you don't know anything about phobias and how to deal with them, then I suggest you stop giving advice. Phobias aren't "oh, I'm just afraid" and it's not a flippant situation. I can't even with this.

I know a hell of alot about phobias, I've had to overcome agoraphobia which was so bad it left me housebound for years, which led me to develop social phobia and a fear of pretty much anything that was unfamiliar.
I've had to beat alot of fears and phobias to get back to health, and it's taken over 10 years.

All I am saying is booking appointments in secret is the only thing that would get me to them, the only way I had my flu jabs, saw the doctor, the dentist etc was my husband booking them on my behalf and springing it on me so I wouldn't have time to get into a full blown panic attack.
I'm not saying this technique will work for everyone, which is why i stated in an earlier post that this lady discuss this technique with her husband to see if that would help take the stress out of it, it worked for me, it's the only way I could see anyone or do anything I needed to do that frightend me.

ElTrain5 · April 2014

alisonmoose said:

Joy2611 said:

alisonmoose said:

It's not "horrifically wrong" at all. I'm just saying that's what has worked for me, obviously I'd asked my husband to sort it out months in advance but not tell me where or when and just forget about it, it's something this lady can discuss with her husband to see if that would help so he wouldn't have time to have a panic attack.

Yes, it sure as hell is to trick him into facing his worst fear. Do you know how many times I wondered if people would purposefully spike my food with epicac just so that I would throw up "and it would be all over with?". That kind of situation just fuels an already burning and out of control fire.

If you don't know anything about phobias and how to deal with them, then I suggest you stop giving advice. Phobias aren't "oh, I'm just afraid" and it's not a flippant situation. I can't even with this.

I know a hell of alot about phobias, I've had to overcome agoraphobia which was so bad it left me housebound for years, which led me to develop social phobia and a fear of pretty much anything that was unfamiliar.
I've had to beat alot of fears and phobias to get back to health, and it's taken over 10 years.

All I am saying is booking appointments in secret is the only thing that would get me to them, the only way I had my flu jabs, saw the doctor, the dentist etc was my husband booking them on my behalf and springing it on me so I wouldn't have time to get into a full blown panic attack.
I'm not saying this technique will work for everyone, which is why i stated in an earlier post that this lady discuss this technique with her husband to see if that would help take the stress out of it, it worked for me, it's the only way I could see anyone or do anything I needed to do that frightend me.

I already have irrational fears that people passing me on the sidewalk might for some reason stab me with a needle. If anyone ever "tricked me" into getting an injection, not only would I have PLENTY of damn time to have a panic attack, i would NEVER trust that person (or most people) again, and constantly be afraid that it was about to happen again. The fact that you said you were repeatedly "tricked" into leaving the house when you had agoraphobia honestly, doesn't sound remotely plausible.

awc1986 · April 2014

I suffer from a couple of phobias and the best thing that has worked for me with each one has been exposure. Not just one off exposure either, but increasing the amount of exposure and interaction with each try. The one i struggle with the most is dogs and let me tell you, dog owners really have no time for it. They don't understand your fear and think it's ok to mock you and i can imagine this is how your DH feels when he sees needles. I'm still working on the dog thing and am now at a point where I can walk past a dog on a leash in the street and be in the same room as a dog if someone has hold of them. I can't be near a dog that's running free though. This fear was passed on to me by my mother, so you need to do something about his needle phobia before he passes it on to your LO.

The one i've had the most success with is my phobia of wet wipes (yes, I know how ridiculous that is). The feel of them and smell of them used to make me nauseous and if i was holding anything, i'd have to drop it because my hands would go all weird. People thought it was hilarious to throw them at me in restaurants or make me watch them wipe their face with one. Basically, people are dicks. Obviously with a baby on the way, i've had to work on this and what i've done is slowly expose myself to them. I began by squeezing an unopened packet every now and again. Then i decided to use an antibacterial wipe to clean my kitchen, while wearing rubber gloves and holding my nose. Then i got used to the smell. Then i decided to use one without a glove (the hardest bit). Now i can use them to clean without thinking too much about it (though i still have to vigorously wash my hands afterwards). Now i feel confident that i can change my baby without freaking out. This took several weeks.

My point is, perhaps you could ask DH to sit in on a vaccination? He doesn't have to touch anything or do anything. Just sit and watch, maybe in the door way or with the door open so he can leave if he wants. A shot would be a great one rather than a blood test because they're over in a flash. Next step he could ask the nurse to show him the needle and how it works and maybe let him hold a needle? The more exposed he is, the more normal it will seem to him. Given time he may find that he can take a vaccination lying down, so there's no worry of him fainting or losing his balance.

The main thing here is patience and persistence from both sides. Good luck!

alisonmoose · April 2014

Joy2611 said:

You had agoraphobia and had be to tricked out of the house, @alisonmoose?

When I had agoraphobia, no amount of tricking would've gotten me out of the house and would've severely damaged any progress I made.

Tricking people doesn't solve the problem. Getting to the heart of the issue does. I had agoraphobia (about three years, but who's counting) due to emetophobia (looking at twenty years now). Forcing me out of the house caused a tantrum, tears, and severe anxiety. I also can tell you it would've severely undermined the one person who was "safe" to me - my mother. She was my haven in a sea of trouble and if I couldn't trust her, I would've gone down a deep, dark, rabbit hole.

Discussing with me plans of action, what to do if I didn't feel well, etc, lessened the fear and made me start to change my thinking.

You need to change your thinking and your viewpoints to start to overcome a phobia. Please. Please don't offer up potentially damaging advice anymore. I'm glad that "worked" for you, but it's not recommended and certainly not helpful.

Not at my worst, no, nothing would have got me out of the house. But my partner made arrangements for Doctors and Dentists to come and visit me at home, again, as i've said before, a technique that I encouraged, I asked him to arrange things in secret for me as it was the only way I could get the help I needed.

When I started getting out of the house more, after lots and lots of practice, and set backs along the way, and I needed my flu jab, months in advance we would discuss him booking it at a pharmacy, and not tell me when it was for or if it was even booked.
The pharmacys we went to were in Supermarkets, and it wasn't out of the ordinary for me to go into Supermarkets at that time because I was "practicing" going shopping again.

I don't know why people are being so horrible and judgmental about this, I don't see why I have to defend techiniques that have personally worked for me, as as i've stated in previous posts, this technique isn't for everyone and is something that should be discussed beforehand by the people involved.

I've tried many things over the years, and that one was the most sucessful in getting the help I needed when i was too phobic to make my own arrangements, If I knew I had an appointment book for 2 weeks time, I would have spent that whole 2 weeks getting sick with panic, which is why I had my husband book appointments for me and not tell me until the last minute, I'd still panic but 5 minutes of panic before hand (not the mention the relief that i was going to get the help i needed) as apposed to weeks of it was much better for me to handle.

alisonmoose · April 2014

Joy2611 said:

@alisonmoose - what you are saying here and what you originally said are two very different things.

Your original comment was "to make the appointment in secret and spring it on him!" Yeah - that is so horrifically mean that I can't even comprehend why it would be mentioned. The phobic person has absolutely not say in the matter and that is cruel no matter how you slice it.

Your follow ups indicate that this was something agreed upon BY YOU. Look at that. That's the difference that I'm talking about. It has to up to the person who is afraid on how far to push themselves. They must look at the whole picture, but ultimately it is their choice how far to go. You made this choice so it was within your control.

Can't you see that by just springing this on him with no warning that you've removed ALL control from him? Can't you see how damaging that would be if it wasn't discussed first? You made no mention of that originally, which is why I jumped on it. It's mean. Bottom line.

But, it still comes down to exposure at your own choosing. It still comes down to getting to the root of the problem. These are the ways you fix a phobia permanently. This what you learn when you seek treatment for a phobia. Not tricks. Not games. Not even coping mechanisms. You learn to face what you're afraid of, learn that's not so bad, and then dealing with then in real life requires nothing. That should be the goal of any phobia treatment.

Phobias can be passed on to children. I am living proof of it. I will always support and advocate for treatment to cure the root problem. Just superficially facing the problem means that the phobia is still there and more impressionable ones in the house will pick up on it. The OP's husband needs treatment (if this is a legit phobia), not tricks and games. Not just for himself, but for everyone in the family.

Yes, i didn't explain it fully in my first post, I hold my hands up, but you lot really need to let it go. I explained many times after that what I meant, so i made a mistake by not explaining the technique used by myself and my husband fully, the way everyones going on you'd think i'd done something illegal, people have obviously read the follow up posts explaining what I meant so why people think it necessary to nitpick and be nasty is beyond me.

All I was doing was replying to a ladys post about her husbands phobia, and just having my say at what has worked for me, when it's come to having things I really need and want, such as a flu jab or a doctors appointment, but been too phobic to get the arrangements made myself.

All I was doing was giving this lady a quick tip about getting round her husbands fear, who obviously knows how important this jab is, and trying to make it easier for him.
My post wasn't an essay on how to get over deep fears and finding route causes, it was just simply how to get this one shot out of the way as easy as possible.

ElTrain5 · April 2014

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