Q about male performance anxiety

Canuck13 · April 2014

Hi ladies, wondering if anyone here is having or has had the issue my partner and I are having. He is already a fairly anxious person on a good day, but the pressure and anxiety when producing his sample is getting worse each time. He produced a sample yesterday to be frozen as back up for this iui cycle (since the last one was SO bad) or if/when we move on to IVF, but he told me that he couldn't even get an erection. He said he didn't even know it was possible to ejaculate without having an erection but that is what he's done for the past two samples. He is SO upset by this and feels so emasculated, I know it has gotten completely 'in his head' now and he said he doesn't know if he can do it again. He doesn't even want me to help because he thinks if I'm not able to help the situation we will both feel awful....ugh! In 3-5 days they will want him to produce a fresh sample for my iui and I don't know if it's going to be possible. Does anyone have ANY suggestions? Has anyone's partner used Viagra or something like that (I don't even know if this is possible)?? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Sami14vb · April 2014

My husband did get Viagra from a friend, but I'm not sure if he ever used it. My DH has not had too much of a problem giving a sperm sample. He hates doing it, but he gets it done. He does it at home in the shower then I run the sample off to the doctor. As far as timed intercourse, I have to tell him in advance and let him lead, plus have a lot more intercourse during the month so he doesn't feel too much pressure to perform. But, yeah, DH used to tell me I just wanted him for his sperm...

MissEm15 · April 2014

Can he collect at home & bring it in? My DH did that the first time..

BunnyBerry · April 2014

I agree with PPs that it might help to do it at home where you could be involved. I tend to keep DH in the dark about some things in order to prevent fertile-window-pressure and the like. Do you think it's possible not to tell him that's the purpose until you suddenly whip out the cup?

Our office does not allow me to join DH when he gives the sample, but I wish I could just for "moral support" if nothing else.

cymber217 · April 2014

Yes its tough because he has to do it at a certain time whether he wants to or not. Also, trying to maneuver it into that small cup is difficult especially without letting anything touch the inside of the cup. Collecting at home is definitely more comfortable.

xc1148 · April 2014

I think the "room" and the lack of lubrication are tough for guys...my husband felt SO awkward, but by the end he was fine with it cuz he had done it so much lol. I know you're short on time, but I'd recommend getting him worked up ahead of time. Lots of flirty kisses when he gets home, go out on a date and wear something sexy....build up his desire a couple of days in advance so he is "ready to go". Do NOT mention ttc.

Also, i never really recommend this, but are you a good liar? Try reassuring him: "it's okay, they can use the frozen one" or "don't worry, the doctor said they might have to cancel anyway, so we'll just play it by ear." If it's in his head you might just need him to relax. That might not work if he is up on the details tho. Good luck!

Engaged_inTO · April 2014

I just laughed so hard over the 'placebo pill' suggestion...thanks for the ideas and support ladies!

Engaged_inTO · April 2014

I have NO idea why my responses are suddenly coming from my old, old knot/bump account (EngagedinTO) I hope this one is right :S

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