how to get family to understand?

Tylynngrace · April 2014

My family and Hs family are really starting to get under my skin. I feel like I constantly have to explain the fact that DS isn't going to be doing what a 5 month old does because he's only technically 2 months old. And it seems no matter how many times I explain it they still don't seem to get it. My SIL was a preemie and my MIL still doesn't get it because "they didn't do that" when she was a preemie 17 years ago.

How have you ladies dealt with this? Does anyone elses friends/family continue to be ignorant after you explain yourself?

brachysira · April 2014

I don't think they ever understand. My ILs do not seem to recall what babies are supposed to do at all and so never know anything. This is not as nice as it sounds, as they think you can solve every problem by giving babies ice, as they must be teething. My parents kept lists of milestones and read baby books and worry about each thing. My mom understands adjusted age, but it's like she doesn't really believe you should go by that. You can give specific medical information. Most people understand things like, "LO needs glasses" or "LO isn't sleeping at all because she is having terrible reflux and is in a lot of pain." You can then try to relate some of the concrete things to development. Such as, "it's common when babies have vision problems for fine motor skills to develop later." Or, "babies who spend their first 2 months in the NICU do not get enough practice with motor skills to be on track at 5 months." You can also just give things as specific preemie facts, even if they're not. Like, "most preemies don't walk until 15 months." Finally, just remember that most preemies catch up. We're at 15 months and she's ahead of some 15 month-olds and behind others, but no one would think she's behind at this point.

KTZ17 · April 2014

My MIL keeps saying stuff like watch, she's going to walk before she's one. And I keep explaining to her that it is unlikely because at 12 months she'll be 10 months adjusted. I keep telling her and she keeps saying but look at how she does xy and z, she's not behind. I get so annoyed because she won't just accept that she doesn't need to do things "on time." And for me it's no big deal. I don't care when she starts walking, but I feel like others are putting pressure on her to do it. So I can relate and I'd suggest just keep telling them that we count milestones by his due date. And even then, all babies do things on their own schedules. And then try to guilt them a bit, like why do you care so much when he ____? He'll do it when he's ready. I hope they chill out about it!

PurpleIris30 · April 2014

We haven't been totally successful, but a blunt email has worked the best.
Sometimes I think people think they are being encouraging, but don't realize that ignoring the reality of prematurity and delays doesn't help.

ziggy903 · April 2014

People are stupid.
That's the only response I have.

ETA: sorry... My family does this too. "Oh in July he will be 6 months, he'll do x, y, and z!"
No. He will act like a 4 month old. He'll develop on his own schedule.

Tylynngrace · April 2014

At least I'm not alone! Everyone's saying how he should start sitting up, no he's two months old he's not sitting up for a while. Yesterday my MIL made it seem like I was making it up that he's really only two months but she was here since he was born. Oh and DS is starting to teeth and someone said that he's probably starting to teeth because he's 5 months old after I explained that babies can get teeth at 2 months old, so annoying.

DrRx · April 2014

Blunt emails, or just say "His/her pedi says that he/she is right on schedule" and leave it at that. Is your LO getting EI? I would also mention that his therapist says that he is doing great in the progression of events. It helped when I threw other people of my daughter's "team" to make it clear that I wasn't just being crazy. Also, I would mention with my LO that it wasn't so much the age, but the sequence of events. So, first she was rolling over, and then she would be sitting up, etc.

Throw3ks · April 2014

I would say and have said "I'm glad you are a peditrician/occupational therapist (many say WTF is that?) or physical therapist and know what my LO is suppose to be doing." Plus if they don't know what an OT is, they can just shut up right then. And I always follow it up with a simple when did so and so start doing X milestone? Oh not exactly when the books say, how strange. With a lot of snark
I've employed the IDGAF attitude towards people. We know what were doing and what's best for our LO not grandma or grandpa or aunt or uncle and etc... If they don't get it, then so be it. Just stop answering them. Say I've explained it before. The end.

Tylynngrace · April 2014

We just hit a milestone! At 3 am my little man rolled from back to belly for the first time! ...maybe that'll shut them up until he figures out sitting up

starrdiva211 · April 2014

I havent had too much of that but at time my DS' paternal grandmother will mention something about walking (DS is 18months and is crawling like no other but not walking). I sent a video of him doing this crazy super fast crawl and Grammy replied back TOO CUTE followed by HE BETTER START WALKING!!! All I simply said was "We are working on it in Physical Therapy". She replied back with "I Know, I know". I am blessed that my mom has been a little bit more understanding (she had her moments though). I think it is b/c my aunt has CP and other handicaps.

But try having your child's father say stuff like this out loud... :-/

Want a personalized experience?

how to get family to understand?

Re: how to get family to understand?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards