back talking?

jlpev · April 2014

Ds is 3 & wow hes become horrible!!! Im embarrassed to take him anywhere. He has started back talking & tells me no. He laughs at me. Dh doesn't think im doing enough. I take away stuff, leave whatever we are doing, time out & a few spankings. I prefer to not spank but i do that if he hits the dogs or dd to prove that hitting hurts. If i tell him no he just cries & Throws a fit.
What do yall do for back talking & throwing fits? Hes 3 & i cant wait for this phase to be over. Every day i want to scream. Tia! Desperate momma here...

zbeesma86 · April 2014

no hitting here either. they don't understand when you say hitting hurts, then hit them on the butt. that's a bit confusing.

we do time outs. when Z hits the dogs she sits on the steps.

if she hits me and I'm holding her. I set her down. if she has a fit. I walk away.

what do you do for time out?

LoriLee14 · April 2014

at home, I ignore as much as possible.

Out and about... it depends on the setting..... park, we just leave.

grocery shopping. I make sure to bring drinks and snacks. I would rather him not eat a real lunch that day than freak out. and again ignore as much as possible

LoriLee14 · April 2014

also make sure you are talking about what your expectations of him are. not just getting on him after the fact. "we are going grocery shopping. I need you to sit in the cart. No yelling." Give them a job. They sometimes act out because they feel they have no control. Tell them they can bring a stuffed animal and make sure the animal follows all the rules....

When I was a nanny, 3 is a tough age. I would also give chances for the little girl to change her mind before getting a punishment. Like she would scream "NO!" and I would say, would you like to try that again or straight to punishment. Most times she would try an appropriate response but her impulse was low and bad behavior came out first.

jlpev · April 2014

Im not a shitty human!!! Thanks for making me feel horrible. Im desperate as it is. Ive spanked him twice in 3 yrs but i was just being honest. I put him in time out in a corner in a chair by himself for 3 min. I use timeout for almost everything. Dh doesnt spank him. I dont agree with spanking either. I had my reasons & it worked out fine.

jlpev · April 2014

Thank you for the responses. I already do alot of those things. I will just keep it up. I know consistency is the key.

ariel06 · April 2014

We discuss behavior expectations in the car before we go anywhere. We do the majority of our errands in the morning when the kids are still well rested and more likely to behave well. I give one warning for bad behavior when we're out and after that we leave. It only takes a few times before they realize you aren't joking around.

Three year olds are challenging because they're learning the power of words. Be consistent on rules and consequences (I don't like the term punishment.).

Two parenting books that I found very helpful at that age were "1 2 3 Magic" and "Parenting your spirited child".

Our rule for hitting is "You hit, you sit (in time out)"

LoriLee14 · April 2014

yeah, my child has learned that as soon as he hits me, I can just look at him and he will put himself in time out

nonoemily · April 2014

For me, the number one problem with discipline that I have is staying calm. I have to stay totally flat, calm, and checked out while I'm dealing with frustrating behavior. Being in control of yourself is the first step, because they are looking for a reaction from you. As long as they continue to get that reaction, the behavior won't change.

The other thing that has been really helpful for me is focusing on one negative behavior at a time. It's really overwhelming for both of us if I'm constantly busting him on every minor or major thing he does.

Start with the big stuff, like hitting animals, and move on to smaller things like back talk and being disrespectful.

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