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Pre-School and Daycare
groovygrl
member
please help me w/ my overindulgent helicopter H ;)
groovygrl
member
I need some good sites, research, etc to show him clearly how giving in all the time and 'helping' kids with every single thing does not = "supportive"as he seems to think it does. By helping, I mean giving answers to questions too quickly, setting limits or consequences & then constantly altering & changing them to make it easy for them to get what they want, etc. It is making me crazy. thx 
. I try to explain some of the psychology to him re giving in & giving the message that enough crying or 'negotiating' will get what they want & that will set us up for bigger problems but he really doesn't seem to get it, want to get it, or maybe just not from me, I don't know, so anything that would be helpful (not a book, he won't read something like that) would be great.
. I try to explain some of the psychology to him re giving in & giving the message that enough crying or 'negotiating' will get what they want & that will set us up for bigger problems but he really doesn't seem to get it, want to get it, or maybe just not from me, I don't know, so anything that would be helpful (not a book, he won't read something like that) would be great. This discussion has been closed.
Re: please help me w/ my overindulgent helicopter H ;)
I'll give examples from yesterday-
Kids are learning to read. I try to get them to sound out words. He gives the answer before they get a chance if they don't 'get it' immediately. Does this also if we're looking at a book & I ask them questions about different things/situations, he will jump in & give the answer.
We have been offering a new coloring book to DD for good behavior all weekend (she is very fresh, talks back etc)> at dinner she got up & went to bug her brother. We asked her twice to get back to the table. She then made faces & talked back a little to MH. He told her no book. Yay I was happy he followed through. Then the tears started. He holds her, hugs her, comforts her then tells her ok ok how about if you finish your dinner & take a bath without fighting, then you can have the book. He is the one who re-negotiates the terms half the time, not them.
DS is playing w/ legos. DS knows how to read the directions & find the pieces> I tend to chime in only if he tells me he's having trouble finding one or having trouble doing something. H points out every single step to him and even locates & poitns out the pieces.
As for hovering, he is definitely a hover-er and is always like "I'm just trying to keep them safe!" like he won't let them further than 5 ft away if outside or out & about. this one I struggle w/ b/c of safety but I feel like he needs to give them a little more space sometimes and let them make their own decisions if there is not an immediate danger.
To me, it sounds like he's an anxious person and has a hard time going with the flow. DH can be like this sometimes and tries to interject when it's not really needed. I have to remind him sometimes that's it's ok and they are just kids being kids ie in your LEGO example.
ETA: Bad grammar
Here's an article also
https://psychcentral.com/news/2013/02/13/helicopter-parenting-can-undermine-students-self-image/51550.html
I don't know about the giving in. Maybe watch Super Nanny with him (is that show on anymore?). She talks about consistency a lot. Do you do most of the parenting/ discipline? Maybe discuss how you need him on your team and to back you up rather than trying to teach him child psychology.