Which type of provider do you prefer when selecting childcare?

draeray · April 2014

Backstory: My MIL watches DS and my older son(8) before and after school. We pay her $800 a month in cash, and do not 1099 her. Well, starting at the end of July, she will no longer be watching my children but will be moving to Arizona for a whole year to watch my BIL's children while his wife gets stationed in Qatar (both of them are Military). This means we need to figure out childcare arrangements.

So for the first time in DS's life, I am going to have to put him in daycare. I have found a few centers that aren't too far away from our house that are comparable in price to what we pay my MIL for both children. The benefit to a center would be he would get the structure he is lacking currently, socialization, and a learning program implemented. Not to mention we get a tax break! The down side is we would have to put our 8 year old in before and after school care and that is $450 a month and it's an additional drop of and pick up for me since they aren't close to each other. There are a few ladies in my neighborhood who are not licensed but are SAHM's, and they have offered to watch both the kids for the same price as I pay today. The age ranges of their children aren't really good for the 8 year old since the kids are younger than 4 and there would be no tax break since it would be under the table. DS would also not be in the structured environment that I feel he might benefit from. But the positive would be both kids would be together, more convenient for me to drop off and pick up and close to my father if he ever needed to pick them up for any reason.

I am so torn because I feel like the pros and cons are the same for both of my options. Tell me how you chose and why!

djm31012 · April 2014

How many hours total do you need care? I think the idea of the SAHM in the neighborhood is nice if you know her and trust her. and if its jsut an hour in the morning and like 2 hrs in the afternoon i wouldnt worry about structure. Couple things besides the money to consider...what would happen if either child is sick? Will she still take them like a nanny would? it sounds like she watches her own kids but no one elses, am i right? WHat will you do about vacation time?

I do like the structure of a center and the fact that its licensed to me means its monitored and safe. People love their in home providers for the smaller feel, but for us it just wasnt an option.

draeray · April 2014

It would be full time for DS and only part time for the 8 year old (before and after school). DS would be dropped off about 7:15 and picked up at 5:00pm. It would be a total of about 3 hours for the older son.

If I were to put DS in a center with the structured environment, I would have to drop him off earlier since it's farther away and I would have to take a longer commute to work (which I am willing to do if it was the best for DS). If he went to a center then the 8 year old would go to before and after school program which would be costing us a lot more than we pay today.

As far as sick days, I am not sure what the SAHM would do (yes she only has her own children to watch- no one elses). My father lives exactly 1 mile from us and he is retired so he could do sick baby days if he had to but he wants nothing to do with any full time work watching them.

djm31012 · April 2014

I would do the SAHM then as long as you know and trust her. Talk to her about sick days/vacations before hand...make sure you agree on what you will pay (if anything) if you dont send your kids for a day or a week or whatever. Thats important..at centers and in homes you still pay, at least a percentage, of your normal rate.

is she going to be able to drive your 8 yr old to school and pick him up? or can he walk?

draeray · April 2014

The 8 year old walks and/or rides his bike to school since we are 2 blocks from the school and can see it at the end of our street. Since we are so close, there aren't any buses that pick up. She lives on the street behind us making it only about 1/2 block longer of a walk.

The thing is, we really don't know her at all. I mean, we know her in passing and that she has 2 young kids, but not much more. But that would be the same as the center, I would be putting him with a stranger which isn't ideal either way you look at it. I am so sad that I have to make this decision.

The advantage to the center is more structure and more of a learning environment. I feel like DS could really use this type of environment because I feel like he has been really sheltered by his current situation. The center is further away and would cost us more money by us having to put the 8 year old somewhere too.

The advantage to the SAHM is she is close and I can keep both children together. Also, I can start having DS spend time with her during the day while my MIL is still here so he can get used to the idea of someone else being there instead of mom/dad and grandma which is all he knows. It would really help his transition....

brachysira · April 2014

I would do the SAHM thing and if it doesn't work, switch later. Like others said, make a contract or similar. See if there are ways young LO can still have structure--like, perhaps they go to storytime at the library or a playgroup. Look for ways for older DS to have fun after school. Would one of his friends' moms take him once/week for a price? Is there a church group that has after school events? Can he take a lesson or something once/week. I think it will be fine, and it is only a year.

Drea926 · April 2014

We use a licensed in home provider. I love her. The woman runs it with her daughter and there are 10 kids total. As the kids get older, she introduces a reading program and does other Kindergarten readiness programs. I feel like I get the best of both worlds and DS really adores going.

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

I selected a center, because in-homes with people I don't know prior to a DC arrangement kind of scare me. It's a 100% personal hang-up, and I believe plenty of kids get excellent care from in-home providers. At a center there are more checks and balances, and if any teachers are out sick, their shifts are covered, meaning I don't have to scramble for last-minute care.

That said, I might move DS to parttime at the current center, and have a SAHM friend watch him 2-3 days a week for a very low rate. She's been too busy, but said she'd like to do it once the school year comes to an end (she homeschools). She would be unlicensed, and it would be under the table, but I've known her for years and trust her.

draeray · April 2014

Thanks ladies. I am leaning more towards the center for DS just so he can get the structure and benefit from the learning environment because Lord knows he doesn't get it at home now (he gets free reign and does whatever he wants with my MIL). My commute will get 1000x worse with this option and I guess if I can't hack it or it doesn't work out, my son could always go to the SAHM option. Today, I drive 30 miles to work but I take a toll roll which means hardly any traffic and I get there in 30 mins. This would make my drive 1 1/2 long each way if DS goes to a center, I'll have to be in the middle of rush hour in stop and go traffic because it would force me to take a different way. :Sigh: the things we do for our babies!!

My dad has 'half' offered to come over in the mornings to take care of the older son but he doesn't want to do afternoons so maybe I can find someone to watch him in the afternoon or just bite the bullet and pay full price at the school program.

draeray · April 2014

expatmama said:

draeray said:

Thanks ladies. I am leaning more towards the center for DS just so he can get the structure and benefit from the learning environment because Lord knows he doesn't get it at home now (he gets free reign and does whatever he wants with my MIL). My commute will get 1000x worse with this option and I guess if I can't hack it or it doesn't work out, my son could always go to the SAHM option. Today, I drive 30 miles to work but I take a toll roll which means hardly any traffic and I get there in 30 mins. This would make my drive 1 1/2 long each way if DS goes to a center, I'll have to be in the middle of rush hour in stop and go traffic because it would force me to take a different way. :Sigh: the things we do for our babies!!
My dad has 'half' offered to come over in the mornings to take care of the older son but he doesn't want to do afternoons so maybe I can find someone to watch him in the afternoon or just bite the bullet and pay full price at the school program.

Ah, I thought when you said a longer route it would be maybe an extra 15-20 minutes. The extra hour would be a deciding factor for me to try a solution closer to home first with a SAHM. But that's just because I used to do a 1.5 hour commute each way before kids and it was really tough on the long term aspect. But if it is a good center, and you can handle it, then sounds like a good solution for your family and it sounds like you have a lot of options if it gets to be too much! Not an easy decision at all.

I know. I live off the beaten path so today, the closest highway to me is a toll road which most people don't take because it costs money but for me, it's a direct path to work and totally worth taking everyday.

The center I would consider sending DS to is my other option to take to work but it's really an awful drive. It's the same amount of miles, but they have some major construction going on and even when that wasn't going on, it's only a 2 lane road and it's ALWAYS backed up. Takes 45 mins to go about 6 miles to get to the next highway...completely horrendous.

brachysira · April 2014

I like to drive, but I would do anything to avoid that commute. Daycare has some really nice things going for it, like more education and more peer interactions. But it's not better to have a lot of illnesses, to pick up bad habits, and to have to fit your child into their plans (e.g. send x foods because they won't prep y. Get your kid on a sippy cup because that's what they use). Perhaps you can get a nanny and afford it if you do the math about how much gas you will be spending on the long commute. Or do nanny part time and SAHM part time. I work 1 day/week at a place 90 minutes away (longer if there's a wreck or something) and it really takes a toll and you lose that time with your family. I'd avoid it unless you really hate your other choices.

wifeofadam · April 2014

I prefer a smaller adult to child ratio, so in-home care is my choice. I also have a bit of a germaphobia and so daycares are out of the question for me.

Socialization isn't a concern of mine at all. And it sounds like the SAHM has other children, so your children would, in fact, be "socialized" there.

tamarar5 · April 2014

When DD was in daycare, I mostly had her in centers, but she HATED it, andi did too. To many kids, too much going on. Dd would get so wound up it was crazy ridiculous trying to unwind her at night.

I was able to get her into a private licensed home care for a while and it was so much better for her. There were kid of different agrees for her to play with and not as many kids, so she didn't get that super over stimulated.

I also had her in an unlicenced home for a while, but the woman was actually one of my close friends who quite her job when she found out I was looking for child care, so that may have skewed our experience a bit.

I will say that the most RELIABLE care we've had was at the center— no me missing work because babysitter was sick — but DD's favorite full time place was at my friend's home. We still use a center for drop in care. Good luck!

Drea926 · April 2014

A note about the idea that an in-home place doesn't have backup care. If my DCP is sick she has her daughter take over her position and has another assistant that works one day a week come in to assist. I'm sure other places have contingency plans as well.

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