Ok now what DH...so frustrated

TTCBabyJ · April 2014

I am so frustrated today. I couldn't even get out of bed to go to work. So DH really really wanted me to try the "natural" way to get pregnant for the last two cycles. In March his SA results were not very good (only 4% morph) but RE said let's repeat the results. DH already had such a rough time giving the first sample, he practically begged me to wait and see if we get pregnant naturally.
DH was convinced the SA results were a mistake because he has an 11 year old from a previous marriage. Well my RE has made it very clear that he will not put me on clomid or anything else until DH repeats his SA. So last month I ovulated on CD 21 very late but I did it and this month nothing, today is CD 21. My RE has stated that the egg quality and uterine lining diminishes with an ovulation this late. I NEED meds!!! I'm so tired of using the "we" sentences with DH. Because "I" am the one temping every morning and "I" am the one checking CM and "I" am the one taking a boat load of OPKs for 10-15 in my cycle because I never know when or if I'm going to ovulate.
Well DH has agreed to retake SA this weekend. But these last 2 months have been stressful and complete waste. I'm just so upset with my ovaries, my hormones, my DH, my DH's sperm just everything!
Ugh! Sorry ladies I just had to get that out.

BunnyBerry · April 2014

I'm so sorry! Keeping track of O is so annoying, especially when it comes late and we're just wishing it would come.

Maybe the "wasted" cycles could be reframed as 2 months spent allowing DH to come to terms with the diagnoses? It's not very logical to think that having a biological child should mean great SAs a decade down the road, so maybe he just needs time to open his mind to the situation?

LOL about the "we" statements, by that point I think I'd be ready to use not only "I" statements but even the dreaded accusatory "you" statements - "You" don't have to hold your pee to POAS day after day, "you" are not the only one disappointed with test results, and "you" should just go play your favorite independent game at the dr's office so "I" can take body-altering drugs...and then maybe "we" can get pregnant!

Sorry no one is cooperating with you (from the ovaries to the hormones to the DH). I hope everything shapes up and flies right very soon!

lebradford · April 2014

I like what @BunnyBerry‌ said about reframing the past two months as an opportunity for your husband to come to terms with things.

On the other hand, I think it's time to lay down the law. You aren't really asking much, and waiting is not going to help the situation. I'd have a come-to-Jesus meeting if the problem continued. But, I'm pretty forward.

I hope he goes through with it and you can move on.

Lillovebug79 · April 2014

I am sorry that you are going through that. I went through the same kind of thing getting my husband on board with IVF. I finally had to tell him how I felt, and I was really blunt and honest. I'm sure it upset him but he really understood my frustration after that.
It's great that he agreed to get the 2nd SA done!

theholmanherd · April 2014

calindi said:

I am so sorry. Sometimes when DH and I aren't communicating well, I will write him a letter. I can then edit and sit on it. Often I then use some of that phrasing to talk to him, but other times I just give him the letter to read. Maybe how frustrated you are feeling because he isn't getting on the "we are going to solve this together" train would be one of those topics? Glad he's finally going to do the SA.

This! Sometimes, we just can't come up with the right words on the spot when you're emotionally invested. I have been known to do this when I had a lot to say and didn't know how to say it.

TTCBabyJ · April 2014

Thank u all for the great advice...@calindi I think the letter is a great idea...I get so emotional talking about IF with DH.

Sami14vb · April 2014

I'm so sorry. I totally understand; it gets so frustrating when it is a challenge to get on the same page with your DH especially when they may not understand what you are going through every day with doctors, charting, etc. I'm glad your DH has agreed to do the SA and I hope that he gets to a place where he is more comfortable giving samples. Best wishes to you!

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