Kid's video game use, Dad not backing me up.

Re: Kid's video game use, Dad not backing me up.

• ASmallWonder member

  April 2014

  I agree with the others that you need to find balance and you need to respect that your son may not like the outdoors.  Dig in to find out what he likes and doesn't like and come up with ideas.  For example, if you want him to be active, see if there's a sport he might like, or swimming at the Y.  If you want him outside but he doesn't want to PLAY outside, suggest he take up reading on the porch, kwim?  Give him time for his games and then figure out what, exactly your goal is for him and find ways for him to be active and get a little fresh air that works for him.

  Formerly known as elmoali

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• Loading the player...
• RondackHiker member

  April 2014

  I agree with @bearsbearsbears‌. You and husband need to back each other up.
  
  What do you want from your son? To suddenly love being outside and come up with fun things to do on his own? He's not you. Just because you loved being outside and could find things to entertain you, doesn't mean he's the same.
  
  Have you tried helping him find fun things to do? He might like something like geocaching where there's a goal and reward and you get badges for accomplishments (so like a video game). If he likes animals he may like learning to bird or track animals. He may like to garden or play a sport or camp. But if you just expect him to be like you as a child and love being outside all the time? That's not fair.
  
  The line "I see nothing of myself in him" made me flinch. Saying he has no ambition isn't fair. Have you tried to teach him to have ambition?

  
  

  
  

   

  Report2 Reply
• Summerlovin6411 member

  April 2014

  Yes few things to clarify, he has so many things he could do outside. We've had him playing tball which he liked at first and then got bored and starting picking flowers out in the field not paying attention at all. He has a fourwheeler, a bicycle, we have taken him to more places than I ever dreamed of going as a kid and he complains the entire time no matter what, walks, hikes, fairs, six flags, car shows (we have show vehicles ourselves, which he shows no interest in) he literally whined the entire time we were at sea world. And I will say my husband when he says yes, does give him a limit, usually 20 minutes. The issue however, is once the 20 minutes is up my husband is no where to be found (usually in the garage or something) so he doesn't have to enforce it and I'm right back to being the mean mom.

  Report0 Reply
• RondackHiker member

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  Fredalina is wise.
  
  Edit: and really, look into geocaching.
  Do short short hikes till he gets into it (if he does). No pressure. He might complain and feel reluctant because he feels pressure from you. He likely knows or can sense that he is disappointing you. If he feels like the only way he will please you is by being super outdoorsy and he only enjoys the outdoors on a limited basis, why even try.
  
  I've gotten a number of young children and non outdoorsy people to hike excitedly when they know a geocache is five minutes away. Everyone likes a treasure hunt.

  
  

  
  

   

  Report3 Reply
• ASmallWonder member

  April 2014

  Listen to Fred.

  Formerly known as elmoali

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• lildevil968 member

  April 2014

  My DD is the same way, and she is 10. She would rather be sitting at home watching tv, then outside. PP's are right about finding a balance. My DD gets 1 hour a night for TV. The rest of the night she is either doing homework, outside, or helping me around the house. Iam a very outdoorsy person, and I love to take my daughter on hikes with me. She used to hate it until she started to really get into science. Now that I have incorporated science into our hikes, she loves to do them. I usually take her to a nature center before starting our hike so she can see what to look for (flowers, animals, etc). Then we hit the trail after the nature center, and she doesn't complain because she is too busy looking for things. I bought a few trail books for her, so she usually picks the trails we go on based on what she can look for on the trail.

  I also really like the Geocaching idea. We have done that, and it is alot of fun.

  
  
  
  

   

  Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

  "><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/825/1820/8251820.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - Free <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Calorie Counter</a></small></p>

  Report1 Reply
• dashofreality member

  April 2014

  1. Listen to Fred.

  2. I don't have older kids, but I know that anytime you create a battle of wills, you will lose. You've created a huge battle of you must do what I like and enjoy it.

  3. Your son is old enough to work things out with you. Sit down with him and your husband and explain the situation with him and have him work with you on a solution. Something like -  video games, like everything else in life is something that we do in moderation. We want your input on how best you would like to implement your video game time. Would you rather have smaller increments of time every day or would you rather be able to only play on the weekend, but for a longer stretches? How much time do you think is reasonable? Why?

  4. Then work on brainstorming a list of things he wants to do that aren't video games.

  5. Talk to your husband, you need to get on the same page.

  DD Nov 2010 ~ DS June 2012

  Report0 Reply
• 74dragonfly member

  April 2014

  Imo the issue is not just that he doesn't like being outside it is just that he seems to only want to play a video game. Most child care experts advise limiting screen time to two hours. first things first though you need to get on same page with your dh.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• TiffanyBerry member

  April 2014

  My take on it is this - DD gets a set amount of screen time a day.  (It actually is close to two hours, but it's spread through the day, and part of it gets us through things like hair brushing and teeth brushing.)  She can spend it how she wants to, but that's all the screen time she has.  And, really, two hours out of the ~twelve that she is awake and out of bed is a lot.

  
  

  

  

  Report0 Reply
• TiffanyBerry member

  April 2014

  Summerlovin6411 said:

  Yes few things to clarify, he has so many things he could do outside. We've had him playing tball which he liked at first and then got bored and starting picking flowers out in the field not paying attention at all.

  So?

  Let him go outside and do what he wants.  You could even say "ok, it's gorgeous outside.  I want to play with you and I want us to get some fresh air.  What do you want to do that's outside?" And let him answer with just about *anything*.  Pick all the dandelions in the grass? Great.  Play red light, green light?  Great.  Draw with chalk on the driveway?  Great.  Sit on a blanket and have a lunch picnic? Great.  Read a book?  Great.

  It doesn't matter what it is!

  
  

  FTR, DD loves to be outside.  But not if it's super bright (sensitive eyes).  And not nearly as much if we're going out somewhere - she'd rather be at home.  But often, when I go outside to garden, she doesn't want to come at first.  So I let her stay inside.  She usually eventually comes out and plays with bubbles, or digs in the dirt with me, or just sits on the grass under a tree.  Whatever!

  
  

  

  

  Report0 Reply