babysitter vent

gris37 · April 2014

Thanks for the advice! I needed to vent and got the support I needed. However, I prefered to delete now for privacy reasons.

gris37 · April 2014

No I don't pay her. We spoke of starting to pay her when we thought we would need more days and time, but it ended up being less time and less days, so we didn't. I think that started up the problems. I realize that free daycare is a big favor. My H and I were also there to take care of hers when hers were younger and she worked, and my parents helped her out a huge deal, so honestly I figured it was family helping out family. Now I feel like this is turning into a bigger argument because my parenting style is different from my sister's.

@CourtandNateExactly, I'm trusting them with my son. Now I think they're mad because really it's the only time they see him. So taking him to another babysitter means they will actually have to make the effort and take time out of their lives to come visit. They flat out asked me "so we won't see him anymore"....um..I guess if you don't intend to visit!

mae0111 · April 2014

I agree - you did what I would have done. My parents do little things to undermine me to my kids. For example, I told them that DD1 is not allowed to watch Caillou. He's a horrible kid, and whines incessantly, and my kid whines just like him when she watches. Well, one of the few times my mom was watching DD1, I overheard her saying she could watch it. When DD1 said, "No, Mommy said I can't," my mom replied, "It doesn't matter what she said. She's not here. I make the decisions, and you can watch it!"

Which is one of many reasons why my family doesn't babysit often.

You SHOULD dictate how they treat your kids. They're YOUR KIDS. And even though I have cousins that nanny, I wouldn't even hire them. I wanted an employee, not a relative, watching my kids. So that when you have to have these difficult conversations, there's no history, or guilt, etc., thrown back at you.

jlaOK · April 2014

You made the right decision. You realized the situation wasn't working and so you found new childcare arrangements. Free family care is always a sticky situation because it's total gray area of employer/employee expectations.

If you feel like you want to smooth things over you could contact your sister and let her know that it was obvious that the situation wasn't working for either of you and you chose to find a new babysitter because you wanted to preserve your relationship with each other. It's no use to make any more mention of your issues because they are no longer relevant.

mlee116 · April 2014

jlaOK said:

You made the right decision. You realized the situation wasn't working and so you found new childcare arrangements. Free family care is always a sticky situation because it's total gray area of employer/employee expectations.

If you feel like you want to smooth things over you could contact your sister and let her know that it was obvious that the situation wasn't working for either of you and you chose to find a new babysitter because you wanted to preserve your relationship with each other. It's no use to make any more mention of your issues because they are no longer relevant.

Ditto this. I paid my mom to keep DS but it wasn't working so I put him DC. She was inconsistent, undermined my requests and would call me at work all the time. She still watches him occasionally and its great, but our lives got so much easier when we put him in DC. Another thing was that it felt like we were around her all the time between dropoffs/pickups and then family events. It sounds mean, but it was just too much contact and it opened the door for a lot of tension. Our relationship has improved a lot since we made other arrangements!

Like PP said, I would talk alone with your sister and then move on. If other family members bring it up, change the subject or just don't talk about it. Eventually it will blow over!

gris37 · April 2014

Thank you ladies, you have no idea how much your comments help! I was seriously up all night thinking that I must be going crazy. I am definitely joining the "no free childcare" side now. It's been too many problems and arguments.

mlee116 · April 2014

mae0111 said:

I agree - you did what I would have done. My parents do little things to undermine me to my kids. For example, I told them that DD1 is not allowed to watch Caillou. He's a horrible kid, and whines incessantly, and my kid whines just like him when she watches. Well, one of the few times my mom was watching DD1, I overheard her saying she could watch it. When DD1 said, "No, Mommy said I can't," my mom replied, "It doesn't matter what she said. She's not here. I make the decisions, and you can watch it!"

OMG, I can't stand Caillou! He is the most annoying kid ever. He's not allowed at our house either!

TheBorg7of9 · April 2014

You get what you pay for.

cecilyandgautam · April 2014

Your sister's sarcastic comments and hints that she could use some babysitting herself - I'd try to make amends in terms of her feeling unappreciated and offer to reciprocate. Say you appreciate all the loving care she gave your LO and you're more than happy to babysit when available & your sister needs it.

Beyond that, I'd just let the other family know that it was out of respect for your sister's requests that you found another babysitter (sounds like she was feeling overwhelmed, told you to get another sitter before baby #2 comes, and needed some babysitting herself). If they feel disappointed their time with your LO is now cut short, they're welcome to set up regular visits (if you would indeed appreciate that).

gris37 · April 2014

I agree with all the above. Yes, I got what I paid for. Which is why we are switching to paid DC now. I definitely believe that her manner of handling things have been immature. Unfortunately my family thinks that it is acceptable behavior and sarcasm is an effective way of communicating. I have offered to take care of her kids and she has refused. The comments she made were more recent, after she found out she is pregnant with her 3rd, which was anther reason we knew she would eventually stop babysitting although she sort of left it for is to assume that. She once told me that taking care of my son made her realize she could handle a third kid. Which makes me think it couldn't have been that hard for her. And I know she perhaps said the curse word once or twice, but I think she could've just said that instead of blowing up and tell me to find someone else. That's what hurt me the most.

Mustardseed2007 · April 2014

I just want to say that I think this will probably blow over after you and your sister have some space from each other for a little while. You can address it as PPs have said, but I bet that separation will smooth things over more than anything else.

*sparky* · April 2014

I agree w/the advice you have already received so I won't be redundant. But as far as your parents not getting time with your kids anymore, you could see if they want to pick up from DC a little early one or two days/week so they get a couple of hours of quality time with the LOs then.

gris37 · April 2014

@Mustardseed2007 I appreciate you mentionnig that, because as mad as I am with her right now, it does make me sad to not talk to her daily like we used to. I hope things get back to normal soon.

@*sparky* that's a good suggestion, I will definitely mention it to them.

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