Tell me how ridiculous I'm being

thesportsgal · April 2014

Back story: I've been back to work since LO was 12 weeks. My sister has been watching her 3 days a week, my husband 1 day and myself 1 day. It's been a pretty decent enough arrangement and I'm lucky we had this time before she had to go to day care.

The day care we chose had a one year waiting list and looked awesome when we chose it last May. Our LO had "orientation" yesterday and I HATE IT. While I was pregnant, it looked like sunshine, lollipops and rainbows and yesterday it looked like baby prison, with snotty, germ infested kids who were singing "No body knows the trouble I see...."

I *think* I'm being ridiculous. We chose it at the time because we thought it was "the best" but now things just seem different. This is a normal feeling, right? That nothing will be good enough for her?

I've been crying thinking about it ever since (and even while we were there) and I'm SURE it's normal but I don't know what to do. I guess start by just sucking it up because the only other place we liked has a one year waiting list as well.

Sorry for the dear diary. I'm sure this is normal and I'm even crying as I write this. I'm sure she'll be fine but for the love of god CAN'T THEY WIPE THE KIDS' FREAKING NOSES?????

rkcaraway · April 2014

Trust your gut. Maybe you can get on the other waiting list asap?

northport6 · April 2014

You know I'm a FTM, but I bet this is totally normal. Creepy internet hugs.

:-S

stacers33 · April 2014

All I can say is when it comes to DC, trust your gut!!!

It took me a while to find the one DS is in and DD will start in a week, but it was so worth it. It was the perfect match for us and the DC provider is now an extension of our family and I trust her completely (as much as my own mother) with my kids. When I found this place they didn't have an infant spot. Something stuck with me though and I called back 3 weeks later and one opened up the day before. Trust your gut!

If you are not happy start looking for something else. Look for in-home care, centers, whatever you are comfortable with. If you need a temporary care provider while you search you can also check on care.com and sittercity.com

Good luck!

Eta: grammar

thesportsgal · April 2014

Now my husband just admitted he felt the same way. MOTHER F!! I have no idea what we're going to do now. And seriously, how can it be like that with as freaking EXPENSIVE as they were???

KFED103 · April 2014

Echo the trust your gut feeling. The DC that DS went to before I SAH...I remember walking into the infant room and immediately knowing this was the right one.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

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redmond_steph · April 2014

I feel the same about the DC we're on a wait list for. I went to see it at maybe 15 weeks pregnant and thought it looked good. I recently started having second thoughts since DS has come along, so I went back for a second look and found it appalling!

I'm sure that part of it is bc I don't want to go back to work, but I don't care, I'm looking for another DC now. Thankfully I'm in Canada so I have until next January before I have to go back.

thesportsgal · April 2014

Nabours3 said:

I did the exact same thing OP. However, I really was over reacting ( you might not be though). I spent the first two weeks hating it and refusing to get to know her teachers. Thankfully, I gave it a month and I am so happy I did. I love her teachers and I know she is in great hands. I just had to get over myself.

I know. In some way, I do think I'm over reacting and it's just the reality setting in of someone else watching her. I also think maybe give it some time? UGH.

thesportsgal · April 2014

KFED103 said:

Echo the trust your gut feeling. The DC that DS went to before I SAH...I remember walking into the infant room and immediately knowing this was the right one.

What's weird about it is that we chose it last year because we "knew" it was the right one. I really can't put my finger on what's changed between now and then (other than actually HAVING her now, haha

.

ugoglencoco · April 2014

I sah now but when looking for daycare for ds1, I just knew. There was a couple places that haver that wrong feeling, and when we walked into the right one it was like a weight lifted. Trust your gut, you know what's best and you've already said it!

littled2013 · April 2014

If you are both having second thoughts I would really discuss it before sending her. Just because it's super expensive doesn't mean it's the best. We looked at one that was way more expensive than the one we decided on and I just didn't have a good feeling so we didn't send her there. We absolutely love our DC that we chose now.

musicnmoon123 · April 2014

Is there something specific you didn't like, or is it more the feeling you just don't want to send her to day care?

I'd suggest really contemplating that before making any changes. If it's just the fact it's daycare, you will have that feeling ANYWHERE you enroll her. You will adjust.

If you don't trust this place for some reason, keep looking. Good luck!

KFED103 · April 2014

thesportsgal said:

KFED103 said:

Echo the trust your gut feeling. The DC that DS went to before I SAH...I remember walking into the infant room and immediately knowing this was the right one.

What's weird about it is that we chose it last year because we "knew" it was the right one. I really can't put my finger on what's changed between now and then (other than actually HAVING her now, haha

.

@thesportsgal‌
That is weird. We chose it after we had the baby so maybe that's different. Maybe go see a few other day cares , even if you've seen them before, to see if you feel the same or different about them too

Aycul18 · April 2014

If you and your H feel that strongly about it, then absolutely find another day care! To an extent I'm sure it's a normal feeling, but if you both strongly hate it, then find a new one!

If you think you may be over reacting, then give this DC a try. The problem with snotty noses is, that if there are 20 kids with snotty noses, they can't clean them all at once :-) unless there is one person/teacher per child, which is unlikely, and if that's what you are looking for, then perhaps a nanny is a better option for now.

74dragonfly · April 2014

Aside from the snotty noses what is bothering you about it? do the teachers not seem caring? are the babies sleeping?

You can also go on yelp and or angies list and look at recent reviews to see how other parents feel.

I would go tour a few other places so you can compare. that said I was not happy about DD first daycare. the ladies who took care of her were nice enough but I didn't like the place. we switched when she was one to a place I LOVED. It cost a lot more but it was worth it to me.

Dd went to daycare when she was 13 weeks old. It is hard to adjust but you will and so will LO. My DD LOVED her daycare, seeing all the other babies.

Again Id look around and see what else is there and if you like something better. Even if they dont have an opening get on the list things change.

thesportsgal · April 2014

It must seem different because she's actually HERE now and I KNOW her, if that makes any sense. I am sure the teachers would be nice people if I actually gave them a chance and I am confident they do the best they can with 8 babies.

But I know my LO loves bouncers and swings and I only saw 1 swing? And no exersaucers so that means she would just lay on the floor until she could pull herself up? And only 1 rocking chair, which was in the middle of the play area (now I KNOW she can't get special attention when there are 8 kids but you would think it would be by the nap area).

And yes, I know I sound ridiculous. But those are just a couple things I know she loves that she wouldn't get to do 4 days a week (we didn't even swaddle her arms from the beginning because she loved her hands so much

. Maybe her dad and I are just major saps who are spoiling her too much, lol.

thesportsgal · April 2014

KKDRAGONFLY said:

Aside from the snotty noses what is bothering you about it? do the teachers not seem caring? are the babies sleeping?

We WERE there at nap time, which I know must be hard. All of the babies were crying while mine was sleeping peacefully in my arms...now THAT broke my heart

.

notkateanymore · April 2014

OK, I am all for trusting your gut, I really am...but you just don't want her to go to DC. Would any DC be OK?

I totally understand BTW.

stacers33 · April 2014

@thesportsgal‌ - have you looked at small in-home daycares? They usually can only have 2-3 infants. From what you have posted that seems to be more of what you are looking for.

thesportsgal · April 2014

KateMW said:

OK, I am all for trusting your gut, I really am...but you just don't want her to go to DC. Would any DC be OK? I totally understand BTW.

I don't think I have been anti-daycare? I think it can be a good thing, just like I think staying home could be a good thing. I've always wanted to go back to work so I knew daycare was always there - I am very lucky in that I run a company with a lot of flexibility (she's actually here now

just not the ability to work from home. So I always knew it was coming...

I'm probably just being a baby.

MissJenna2011 · April 2014

Trust that momma gut. My long story:

I took my son (then 3.5) to a childcare facility and had that mom feeling, but assumed it was normal, He survived day 1 just fine, day 2 I still had that feeling, I went to drop him off & he said he didn't wanna go because it was gross (the lunch room had just been demolished with 30 children eating smelly food) my stomached turned at the thought of leaving but I did, and as I did a 2 yr old followed me out... nobody even noticed! I had to bring him back in, search for a teacher and return him.... I returned the boy & grabbed my own son and never looked back. There's never been a huge scandal or anything about the place since, but I have run into many other moms that had the same feeling towards the facility. GO WITH THE GUT

Since then I have found a WONDERFUL home daycare. A mom with similar parenting style, kids around the same age, her husband is a great hands on (but not overly creepy involved) guy and a corrections officer at a prison, and she and I have hit it off and become great friends in the past years. She watches my 4mo old, 21 month old and 5 yr old after school. She can have up to 8 kids but pretty much just has mine & her 2 yr old & 3 yr old. My gut never turns when I leave them, not even on day 1. She sends me pictures throughout the day and we have great mutual communication. She keeps their routines & schedules, she's even going through potty training with us, since my LO refuses diapers but still isn't a panty pro, that says alot. She knows never to take "my moments" lol ex. Don't paint tiny nails, I want to do that first! Don't remove any training wheels lol or wiggle any loose teeth

my kids love her, they call her NeeNee. I pay 900$/mo for the girls to go full time and my son part.

MissyC979 · April 2014

I actually would be more concerned by more equipment versus less equipment. A ton of exersaucers, swings, etc., would tell me they are just parking the kids in those things all day, rather than interacting and playing with them. Our place focuses less on "containers" and more on exploring and movement on the floor, which I like.

Daycare is tough. Maybe go back again in a couple days, once you've had more time to process and spend an hour or so there, watching the teachers taking care of the other kids and getting to know them. I spent some time in DS2's class before I went back to work and it made me feel a little better. I was already comfortable with the place because DS1 goes there, but he was never in the infant room so that's taken some getting used to.

KateVA · April 2014

MissJenna2011 said:
Trust that momma gut. My long story:
I took my son (then 3.5) to a childcare facility and had that mom feeling, but assumed it was normal, He survived day 1 just fine, day 2 I still had that feeling, I went to drop him off & he said he didn't wanna go because it was gross (the lunch room had just been demolished with 30 children eating smelly food) my stomached turned at the thought of leaving but I did, and as I did a 2 yr old followed me out... nobody even noticed! I had to bring him back in, search for a teacher and return him.... I returned the boy & grabbed my own son and never looked back. There's never been a huge scandal or anything about the place since, but I have run into many other moms that had the same feeling towards the facility. GO WITH THE GUT
Since then I have found a WONDERFUL home daycare. A mom with similar parenting style, kids around the same age, her husband is a great hands on (but not overly creepy involved) guy and a corrections officer at a prison, and she and I have hit it off and become great friends in the past years. She watches my 4mo old, 21 month old and 5 yr old after school. She can have up to 8 kids but pretty much just has mine & her 2 yr old & 3 yr old. My gut never turns when I leave them, not even on day 1. She sends me pictures throughout the day and we have great mutual communication. She keeps their routines & schedules, she's even going through potty training with us, since my LO refuses diapers but still isn't a panty pro, that says alot. She knows never to take "my moments" lol ex. Don't paint tiny nails, I want to do that first! Don't remove any training wheels lol or wiggle any loose teeth my kids love her, they call her NeeNee. I pay 900$/mo for the girls to go full time and my son part.

I completely agree. I have always used in home care and have been very happy. Initially I had a well reviewed daycare lined up but my gut said no. Instead I found a sahm to watch him along with her 1 young child and 1 school age child. We are still friends and she still helps me out even though I'm home now

thesportsgal · April 2014

@missyc979 Good point!

jy725 · April 2014

Ask about bringing in a swing or bouncer for LO. My DC doesn't have a problem with it. They rec. finding them on craiglist or at yard sales. Just a thought.

juliagulia38 · April 2014

Like PP I say trust your gut. My DS was in daycare when he was 10 months old and the morning teacher was awful but I loved the afternoon teacher. I ended up taking him out because they were not feeding him the food I brought from home and didn't call me when he was sick and a number of other things. If you can afford a nanny, I would look into that, I used to nanny and loved it. I would try setting a time frame, say a week and see how it goes. Visit, call, check up on LO as much as you want and after that time frame you still aren't happy reassess.

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