Adjusting to two (or more)

homediva · April 2014

How are you other new STMs coping? I still have family here helping but I'm already scared of being outnumbered when they leave!

How on earth will I ever do bedtime/naptime/ get out the door/ make dinner with an infant and a 2.5 year old??! My older son has been sick and I've had a c/s so in sure that adds to everything but I honestly am a little scared for when real life starts. I know eventually I'll find my groove and routine but....yikes!

Having one seems so easy!! I can't imagine having even more than two even though I thought I wanted 3! I know, I know - too early for such talk.

How's it going with you?

kseccomb17 · April 2014

So far, so good. DD just turned three and she's been a huge help. As far as getting things done like dinner and such, no luck yet. I'm just getting into a new routine and DS is starting to get on some sort of sleeping/eating patterns. I try to wake up before everyone to drink my coffee and relax for the day to come. I straighten up before bedtime when DH is home and then we try to get in some alone time. It's still pretty hectic, especially with cluster feeds andmy classes. I really never know what day it is and by Friday, I'm so grateful for the weekend because DH is so helpful. He could only take four days off when DS was born because he's in such high demand at work.Slowly but surely things are less like a giant cluster fuck. We'll get there and have a new normal, someday

MapleLeafMama · April 2014

I look to DH to take care of DS in regards to bath time and getting him fed, because I'm feeding dd at that time and I do her baths because DH is a little leery about bathing a newborn. I'm going to be home all day on Friday with both kids while DH is at work and I'm kinda scared of how it will go. I'm planning on going to my parents house for a couple of hours so they can entertain DS. I'm very lucky that DS is in school all day every day, so it's just me and the baby all day. But getting him ready and out the door with a baby in tow in the morning is a big adjustment.

ksulli · April 2014

DD1 (2.5) still goes to school because I don't want to mess up her routine or make my return to work harder than it needs to be. So that's forced me to be up & dressed with her ready to go in for mornings (DH leaves the house by 6:30, so he doesn't help). I pack her lunch the night before so that it's just a matter of getting dressed & breakfast down.

I shower while she's out, make an attempt at picking up around the house, try to get a load of laundry through and keep up with DD2's nursing and diapers. Some days go better than others. Then I bring her home and cross everything we survive a few hours until DH gets home. He does dinner while I continue to manage the kids, then he takes DD1 and I take DD2.

cwm11985 · April 2014

It's not easy but I take advantage if their nap times or when the toddler is eating to clean/shower/get things ready to leave the house/prep dinner, etc. I try not to be too hard on myself if something doesn't get done. I don't really have my H's help right now due to work, but it's manageable on my own.

beautifulstr13 · April 2014

My DH has been a lot of help. He gets DS up for school, takes him and picks him up. I'm just now getting some time away from DD during her naps to spend time with DS. DS is still having a hard time adjusting to the baby so he doesn't quite know how to act when we are all in a room together. It's getting better every day.

MalyJ · April 2014

I could have written your post myself! My two are the same age as yours and I don't know how people do this, but I keep telling myself people do it all the time. My 2.5 year old is so high energy and DH and I have always been very active with him and having to suddenly put the brakes on that is hard for all of us.

No advice here, but know you're not alone and that people somehow adjust all the time! We will make it!

Calla123 · April 2014

I am definitely worried about this!! Dd#2 does not arrive until the end of the month though so I have more time to worry $:\$

homediva · April 2014

Thanks ladies! Nice to be reminded other moms are getting through it too! My husband works insane hours and we are living away from our support networks so I'm solo most of the time. With one I operated best on a strict schedule - I need to be easy on myself and be breezier about meal times, bedtimes, etc!

MamaFantastic · April 2014

things are actually pretty great over here right now. tessa sleeps like a champ, which means we're only marginally under-rested (which is a rarity, i know...) and this means we can be better parents to kiddo since we've not walking around like sleep deprived zombies all day long. today was day 2 of being home alone with the kids during business hours, and it was fine. we managed to grocery shop and i actually played games on the floor with kiddo while i breastfed (gotta admit... i was giving myself major mental pats on the back for that!)

kiddo is about to turn 4, though, and he goes to school 2 mornings a week, so things are definitely easier than if he was a few years younger. he's more independent and he's downright helpful a lot of the time too. so far i'm pleasantly surprised by life with 2 kids!!

momofmanyinthemitten · April 2014

3u3 here, and it's been tough. DD (3) doesn't do well without her normal routine and DS (14 mos) is a mama's boy, so me being in the hospital and FIL and my mom staying with them, followed by DH being home for a week, has really thrown them off. I will actually be a little bit relieved once DH goes back to work on Monday, so we can get our new routine rolling. It took one week after DH returned to work with baby #2, so I'm hoping it won't take much longer than that this time as well.

horae4me · April 2014

Ds is 15 months. Having had a csec makes it so tough to take care of him. He goes to daycare (dh drops off and picks him up ) so that helps during the week. Weekends are hard when I have them both. Dh tries to help, but i usually end up juggling both kids. Yesterday they both had dr appts. My mom went with me since I'm not suppose to even drive yet, but boy it's exhausting. No real suggestions, but I think we have to have faith that it'll work out. Ds is also going through a little jealousy from his new little sister so I have to make sure he gets his mommy time. So much harder after a csec!

Bees Everywhere · April 2014

DS will be two next week (holy cow- and my birthday is Friday!)

It's been tough but we've been doing ok. DS goes to daycare 5 days a week and I didn't change it because I thought he has enough change in his life right now. Of course, two of his three teachers (his favorite ones) are leaving to a new location this month so we're considering changing daycares.

Anyway DH has been great about spending LOTS of time with DS, who is a total Daddy's boy so he's loving all the attention. I'm running on very little sleep while letting DH sleep pretty much through the night since he's working. We started getting up earlier- we're the worst morning people, but I've been trying to start my day by 6am so DH can take off for work earlier so he can pick up DS from school.

I still wouldn't say we have a routine down, we're still trying to figure out what we're doing. It is definitely hard- especially because I wasn't healing well from my tear and had to go back into dr/ hospital a couple times.

House is pretty messy right now but I'm just focused on everyone being safe and fed and rested (except me) until we get used to things.

AcaAwkward · April 2014

So far we're doing well but last week DH was on leave and this week my mom is here (and will be next week as well)...so I really haven't faced reality head on yet!

DD is 2 and I would say she's doing good, but definitely having more meltdowns than usual, and there have been a few new, annoying behaviors that have cropped up (example: if we're in the car and DS starts fussing, she'll make a constant "wah wah wah" sound like a baby; she also tends to want to eat each time DS nurses if she's not fully engaged in another activity and freaks out if we tell her she needs to wait for a more appropriate snack or meal time). She also really only wants me at the end of bedtime (usually DH and I both do books, PJs, and teeth, but I rock her and sing and put her in bed)... Since I had a CS, I'm really not supposed to pick her up, but the past few nights she's been inconsolable if I try to let my mom or DH help.

Generally though, she's a great big sister for her age. She plays well independently and she's still going to school twice a week. She will start a third day in the fall. We've stocked up on lots of activities that she can mostly do by herself while I hold or nurse the baby next to her -- sidewalk chalk, reuse able sticker books, playdough, paint with water books, etc. We'll bust those out once my mom leaves, and hopefully they will entertain her well while we settle into our new daytime schedule.

seannasmommy16 · April 2014

My DD is 4 she's been a big help. She's always asking to help me get stuff, but she tends to get more upset when I'm breastfeeding. The biggest adjustment for us is my DD and helping her though all the emotions. Everything else has been pretty easy.

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