AF symptoms and grieving

Sami14vb · April 2014

I'm currently in my 2ww and 12 dpo. I'm feeling AF symptoms such as cramping in my pelvis and back just like I have felt every other month for the past 18 years. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and freely be depressed, but I have to be at work and go to an Angel's game tonight with other couples I've never met even though I tried to get out of it. It's so hard because everyone expects for you to just act normally when all of your dreams and hopes die again each month. When someone gets cancer or a loved one passes away people rally around that person and are so sympathetic. With infertility you get none of that. You're supposed to just pick yourself up again and pretend that everything is ok. It is exhausting! I wish every month that our fertility efforts fail again that we got two days off from work or whatever just to grieve. I just want a pass to be sad and shut down for 2 days, not be back at work and the infertility clinic, like yep, I failed again, but I'm ready to go another round...

BunnyBerry · April 2014

I'm so sorry! It's really unfair, no one seems to give permission to grieve the constant losses/hurts of all types and the ups and downs of IF.

I hope the game goes quickly and you get enough special time with DH at the event to feel bolstered.

I saw that you took off Feb. for an emotional break. I've read on TB that other women choose to take regular emotional break cycles. Maybe planning for break cycles would help relieve that feeling of pressure to keep going full steam ahead?

theholmanherd · April 2014

I'm sorry, honey. @calindi is right about the depression rates. What makes it worse is that most people aren't as sympathetic. Granted, you're not dying, but it still hurts like a bitch every month you don't get pregnant. I am so thankful for this board because it gives me a safe place to vent. I am lucky that my two best friends and my aunt are willing to listen to me. My aunt went through IF, so she's been the most understanding. I hope you can find someone IRL that can help you get through these hard moments.

FutureMrsBaldwin2012 · April 2014

So sorry, I am right there with you. I am open about our IF so when people ask how I am, I am honest about it. I called into work tonight because I have spent all day crying and being depressed over a BFN. My close work friends understand completely. Although after this cycle I have learned that I will not be so open next time we do IUI. So many people have asked how my test went today, thankfully by text. I am grateful for the support but it is hard to have to tell people about a BFN.

Mommalawyer · April 2014

I'm sorry. I share your sediment just like the other ladies. Depression from IF can be debilitating. I think what can make it harder is that with each new cycle, there's new found hope. Unfortunately that new found hope can come rapidly crashing down. The meds don't help that emotional roller coaster either. And IF is pretty much of your control, there's not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. I have been through some trauma in my life & am familiar with that feeling of depression. IF depression is a whole other beast of its own. There's no quick cure or right words. People generally don't understand IF. That why there are so many of the annoying and/or hurtful comments. There are people with big hearts who can emphasize with someone going through IF. Then there are the folks that have gone through it, which is a whole different level of understanding. Keep your chin up, we've got your back on your happy days & not so happy days. IF isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.

nswain85 · April 2014

Awe, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. This is one giant, hard as hell, crap shoot some times and it is really hard when other people don't get it. Try and do something nice for yourself. If you need to bail on the game, go ahead. You need to take care of you. ((big hugs))

jencity9 · April 2014

I'm sorry.

I know it is so hard. People just don't get IF because they look at it like at having children as an "optional" thing and we should just be okay with whatever outcome and it is sooo hurtful I know.

(((hugs)))

Sami14vb · April 2014

Thank you guys for your support. My husband told me I had to go to the Angel's game, and I ended up having a really good time. So I was glad he was tough with me and didn't let me lie in bed like I wanted to. I ended up having a conversation with a couple of women and we were laughing about stomach weight gain and bloat, and I told them I was on medication that made me bloated which made someone ask me if I was pregnant. Of course the conversation led to them asking which medication I was on and for what and then all of my IF story was out there. In a way, I'm glad it happened because the women were really supportive and we bonded which led to them telling me all of their personal dirt. I got the "You have to relax comment" but I've just learned to accept that comment and that it will always come. All in all, it was a great night, and I am glad I was there rather than at home sulking.

hope2bmom83 · April 2014

I'm so sorry, sending big hugs your way!

Sami14vb · April 2014

@hope2bmom83 So cute! Love it!

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