While I'm being a whiny little b*tch

MickeyM04 · April 2014

I am SO. SO. SOOOOOO sick of:

"When are you due again?"
"Are you STILL pregnant?!"
"You're still here??" (from people I work with)

"When is that baby coming?!?"
"Man, you've been pregnant forever!"

"I bet you can't wait to pop that kid out!"

"How do you still have ___ weeks left?! You are so huge/big/etc."

I would just once like to have a conversation with someone that does not revolve around my uterus. I have literally been at my office for 20 minutes and I have already had one, "When is that baby coming?!" comment.

If I was sh!tting rainbows and puppies I'd be all, "Man, that's so sweet that everyone wants to share my excitement," but I just can't. I mean a) the comments are never from anyone that talks to me when I'm not pregnant--it's always people that literally only speak to me when I'm pregnant, b) they are borderline rude (how can I still be pregnant, I've been pregnant for so long, I'm so big, blah blah blah), and c) it's just starting to make me feel like a walking reproductive chart from health class that I literally cannot speak to someone without referencing how pregnant I am.

I cannot even imagine how irritating this is going to be if I go late...

Sorry I'm such a pissy b!tch these last few days. I'm clearly in a funk.

AnyMax · April 2014

I am sorry you are having a crabby day, but this is not one I can get behind.

I have been asked eight times today if I know what I am having yet. That means I am pregnant. That is the most glorious thing.

MsAmandaPants · April 2014

I do get where you are coming from and see how it could be irritating. Deep breaths and try to keep it in perspective.

i think you also have to remember your audience a bit here. I cringed thinking of new graduates reading your post--women that are holding their breaths praying for doubling betas--and worse still TTCAL lurkers that would give anything for that kind of irritation. It displayed just over a post that is someone that sadly had to say goodbye.

This isn't said to make you feel bad. You're totally allowed to be irritable and complain, but as perspective: remember how far you've come and how soon you are going to have your beautiful LO in your arms!

I'd also consider coming up with some less than friendly responses that nip it in the bud. And practice your withering glare in the mirror

Also? If anyone tries to touch your belly, I totally authorize inappropriate touching in return and/or stabbiness.

MickeyM04 · April 2014

Bahaha, perhaps I do need to work on my withering glare. I apologize if my post offended anyone, as that was not my intent. I just seriously wish I could have a conversation with someone without them asking me when the baby is coming, if we have a name picked out yet (we do but we're not telling anyone), if my doctor thinks I will go early or not, if I am getting an epidural, if I'm really uncomfortable yet, or telling me how big/huge I am, and how much bigger/huger I am than last time. I don't know, I feel like a lot of that is really personal? Like I would never ask an acquaintance that I never speak to about her birthing plans or tell her how big she was getting...I mean I would seriously never tell anyone how big they are getting! How rude!

I think the other frustrating thing is it's the same people...like the people who have asked me when the baby is coming have literally asked me about 6 or 7 times. And I give the same answer every time. So it's like why are we wasting our time here? Clearly you are just making small talk because if every week you ask me when I am due and every week I give you the same answer, clearly you don't really care/aren't really paying attention/are just engaging in small talk. And in that case, can we engage in small talk about something else? The weather? How busy it's been around the office lately? Summer plans? It's like no one wants to talk to me about anything other than my pregnancy, and sometimes it would be nice to feel like I'm just a regular person or something.

MsAmandaPants · April 2014

MickeyM04 said:
Bahaha, perhaps I do need to work on my withering glare. I apologize if my post offended anyone, as that was not my intent. I just seriously wish I could have a conversation with someone without them asking me when the baby is coming, if we have a name picked out yet (we do but we're not telling anyone), if my doctor thinks I will go early or not, if I am getting an epidural, if I'm really uncomfortable yet, or telling me how big/huge I am, and how much bigger/huger I am than last time. I don't know, I feel like a lot of that is really personal? Like I would never ask an acquaintance that I never speak to about her birthing plans or tell her how big she was getting...I mean I would seriously never tell anyone how big they are getting! How rude!
I think the other frustrating thing is it's the same people...like the people who have asked me when the baby is coming have literally asked me about 6 or 7 times. And I give the same answer every time. So it's like why are we wasting our time here? Clearly you are just making small talk because if every week you ask me when I am due and every week I give you the same answer, clearly you don't really care/aren't really paying attention/are just engaging in small talk. And in that case, can we engage in small talk about something else? The weather? How busy it's been around the office lately? Summer plans? It's like no one wants to talk to me about anything other than my pregnancy, and sometimes it would be nice to feel like I'm just a regular person or something.

I get that! And I would find it über-irritating if the same person kept asking. And i understand wanting to have an identity outside of pregnancy.

Sigh. Maybe next time, just gently say, feigning surprise "didn't I tell you last week, in a month" and then shift to something you want to talk about. Alternately, try starting the conversation first and keep it off pregnancy to remind people that you are more than a body gestating.

.

All I can say is, get used to it. I suspect it won't stop when baby gets here and you graduate from office pregnant lady to office new mom. Then all small talk will be about that and probably same questions over and over again, so start working on your strategies now.

Alternately, you could respond with inappropriate questions! Bob, how's the prostrate? Karen, you get that hypertension checked?

kimmyberly26 · April 2014

I get where you are coming from and get asked this a lot. Some of it is because most of my building knows about my late loss with my twins. Each time I get asked these type of questions, I just think about how happy I am that people are finally able to ask me this question again.

Just try to take a breath. It will all be over with soon.

MickeyM04 · April 2014

Hahahahaha @MsAmandaPants, you have much better responses than I could ever think of. I should keep you in my pocket or something so you can tell me the good ones.

Honestly, I didn't mind it when DS arrived, getting tons of questions about him and how he was doing, and what he was like, and what we did on maternity leave and all that. I liked talking about him because who doesn't want to brag on their new baby, right? And he was here, safe and sound, so I didn't get paranoid talking about him, like "If I talk about him, am I jinxing him?"

I am just not one to really like talking about my reproductive stuff, ESPECIALLY having had a loss before. I still get nervous buying baby items, setting up the nursery, etc. And I didn't actually ever announce my pregnancy at my office (this is where most of my comments are coming from)...I told my bosses, and everyone else basically figured it out because I started showing. I didn't want to talk about it or tell anyone, because if heaven forbid something happened, I didn't want to have to go tell random secretary A, random file clerk B, receptionist C, and mail guy D that something had happened. We never did a FB announcement or other pregnancy announcement--pretty much everyone other than our parents found out because I started showing and they would ask me if I was and I would have to say yes. And having so many people a day want to talk about it reminds me if something happens everyone and their mother will know about it. And then I get all anxious/pissed off because I'm like, I don't want these people in my business! If I did, I would approach them to talk about it, announce my pregnancy to them, etc. etc. And then on top of it for people to be rude about it with my size and how big I am, like they ask me when I'm due or how far along I am, and I choose to share that with them, for the response to be, "But you're so huge, you'll never make it that long," it's just a huge frustration.

4legsRbest · April 2014

Oh, you have every right to be frustrated at this point! And you can of course voice your frustrations here. In my past experience here, this kind of thing is absolutely allowed. Of course we all know you are happy to be pregnant and we were all that girl who would give anything to be pregnant and uncomfortable like you. I feel for you. It is a really stressful and frustrating time full of anxiety and fear.

And seriously no offense meant to anyone (although when people say that they really mean "I am getting ready to offend you" but I am not, really) but this is a pregnancy board. If you are a member of TTCAL and are having a bad day I suggest you not come over here and look at posts, IMO. But if this board has moved to an etiquette where we all care about what other boards think about our posts then why bother posting? To just ask about lunch meat and braxton hicks? Oooh! There is a new reality when you are 38+ weeks pregnancy that maybe isn’t being appreciated here, or the sentiments have just weakened. I actually didn’t even see a complaint in MM’s post about not wanting to be pg anymore, not one word, she was just complaining about people who only ask her the irritating questions over and over again when she near the end of the pregnancy.

MM- Your comment made me think about this oldie. Maybe it can be a new badge?

MickeyM04 · April 2014

@4legsRbest:

(edited in attempt to fix horrible spacing, not successful)

jgreig83 · April 2014

Arg, I hear ya! Unfortunately as time goes by, it just gets worse. I feel like answering the phone with "Nothing is coming out of my vag right now". I hope the next few weeks fly by for you.

MickeyM04 · April 2014

LOL @jgreig83!!!!! Seriously LOL right now.

Thanks ladies. It is so true that it makes it so much harder professionally. 99% of this stuff is from people I work with. And I'm an attorney, so I'm even getting it at court from other attorneys. I feel like it's hard enough in this profession being a woman (which is unfortunate in this day and age) without these comments being made. I actually had someone go off on me in court at the bench yesterday, like screaming at me and needing to be escorted out by a bailiff, and another male attorney comes up to me after and goes, "I'm sorry, you really shouldn't have to deal with that in your delicate condition." I'm not just a gestational vessel! I'm a woman/mom/attorney/hockey fan/Game of Thrones lover/etc. We can talk about other things!

MsAmandaPants · April 2014

jgreig83 said:

Arg, I hear ya! Unfortunately as time goes by, it just gets worse. I feel like answering the phone with "Nothing is coming out of my vag right now". I hope the next few weeks fly by for you.

Oooooh! I love this reponse and it gives me another idea. Maybe an overly detailed totally oversharing response that makes heavy use of words that make people uncomfortable. "Yes, just a few more weeks! I've been doing the Kegels in preparation, really hoping to keep that vaginal tone and strengthen my pelvic floor. Really hoping we can prevent tearing and episiotomy!" They'll probably never ask again (or at least not forget that they asked).

ETA: I know, I know. Not realistic, but kind of fun to imagine the mortification creeping across their faces.

MsAmandaPants · April 2014

MickeyM04 said:

LOL @jgreig83!!!!! Seriously LOL right now.
Thanks ladies. It is so true that it makes it so much harder professionally. 99% of this stuff is from people I work with. And I'm an attorney, so I'm even getting it at court from other attorneys. I feel like it's hard enough in this profession being a woman (which is unfortunate in this day and age) without these comments being made. I actually had someone go off on me in court at the bench yesterday, like screaming at me and needing to be escorted out by a bailiff, and another male attorney comes up to me after and goes, "I'm sorry, you really shouldn't have to deal with that in your delicate condition." I'm not just a gestational vessel! I'm a woman/mom/attorney/hockey fan/Game of Thrones lover/etc. We can talk about other things!

UGH. Ok, while perhaps well-intentioned (and I question that) *THAT* would have made me want to stab someone in the forehead. Using pregnancy as yet another reason to be patronizing to women in male-dominated workplace is infuriating. <facepalm>

2redtulips · April 2014

Random comments from people are already starting to get to me. I can imagine it only gets more annoying.

I am sorry people can't be more constructive in their conversation skills.

Hugs.

MrsWallick · April 2014

I do love talking about my pregnancy and baby to be honest. But yea, I do see where you're coming from that it gets annoying when nobody talks to me outside of the pregnancy. One thing that gets to me is the question "what are you having?" My latest response was "It really feels like a dolphin, but I'm hoping for a baby"

SoxFan777 · April 2014

AnyMax said:

I am sorry you are having a crabby day, but this is not one I can get behind. I have been asked eight times today if I know what I am having yet. That means I am pregnant. That is the most glorious thing.

I'm kinda here, too... I can't WAIT to look down and have it be obvious... But I know my perspective might change soon, and I'm open to that change.

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