Sensitive Topic- Selective Reduction

JenniferChess · April 2014

We just found out we're having triplets and we're freaking out. My husband has told me that he pretty much cannot handle 3 and wants us to explore selective reduction. There's a million and a half reasons why I should consider this- we live in a 2 bedroom, we have no idea how we'd afford 3 kids, I'm worried my husband will leave, etc. But all I can think about is seeing the 3 little heartbeats on the U/S monitor. Has anyone done selective reduction that would be willing to tell me about your experience? If you'd rather PM me, that's fine.

legaleagles · April 2014

This is a very personal decision, and I think there are many ladies on this board who have faced this same decision. Many may not want to talk about it openly, but hopefully will PM you to talk about it further. It's definitely a talk you need to have together as a couple/family as well as with your doctor (RE). It's a very difficult and personal decision and I wish you the best of luck as a family in coming to the right decision for you all. I know it would have been very difficult for my husband and I to agree on what to do.

So much dust and love and support coming your way whatever you choose - and either way, you're always welcome here for advice/support.

somewhereincali · April 2014

I don't have a personal experience to share (though we had talked about the fact that we would do SR if we had ended up with more than 2). But just wanted to echo what the previous poster said, and warn you that you may find that you will get a lot more responses from people who chose not to do SR because its such a difficult topic, especially in a place where others chose not to, and some people have strong personal opinions about the subject.

If you want to find more resources and support in making a decision you might also try here

https://www.fletcherallen.org/health_information/?id=tn10007

https://www.mother-to-one.com/

Ylvelill · April 2014

It is such a personal question, I hope you and your husband come to a decision that works for your family.

megs2011 · April 2014

No advice just wanted to wish you luck. That can't be an easy decision. A friend of mine had to have a reduction but it was due to medical reasoning... she couldn't carry trips. I can't imagine that was easy at all.

Rannndi · April 2014

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I definitely echo PP and say thoroughly think it through EITHEr way. The multiples shock lingers for a while and then settles a bit. It's also amazing how many people want to step up and help out and how cheap you can actually find things. T & Ps to you!

RachC624 · April 2014

I don't post often, but your post hit close to home. My husband and I are currently 13w4d with triplets and when we first found out the topic of selective reduction was brought up. The PP are right, more people tend to talk about not doing it rather than if they did it. It's a very difficult decision to make and it's only one that you can make together. I definitely recommend researching the topic because that's what made the decision for us. I'm on mobile so I don't know how far along you are. Just take the time to make sure it's the choice for you two.

Even now starting to shop it can be overwhelming but there are so many things you really don't need 3 of. Good luck in your decision and my t&p are with you.

somewhereincali · April 2014

I would also suggest looking for help from a therapist who can help the two of you work through this together - whatever you decide it should be together

TripMomma · April 2014

Been there, we were freaked, living in a 2 bedroom, I would have to quit my job...but in the end SR wasn't for us, and I am so glad. HUGS to you, best wishes.

DivaMom22 · April 2014

Only you will know what's best for your family. But I fear that if this is more his decision than yours, you may end up resenting him whether you want to or not. Which won't be good for the family regardless of the size. I agree with the pps. Talk to a counselor and do you research as a couple. Make sure you're both on the same page whatever your decision is.

ks3pink · April 2014

DivaMom22 said:
Only you will know what's best for your family. But I fear that if this is more his decision than yours, you may end up resenting him whether you want to or not. Which won't be good for the family regardless of the size. I agree with the pps. Talk to a counselor and do you research as a couple. Make sure you're both on the same page whatever your decision is.

This is exactly what I have been thinking as I have followed this thread. I get the feeling that you are not in agreement with your husband and this is definitely a decision you want to make with no doubts on either end. I personally know I couldn't do SR but that is a personal decision. You mentioned in your OP concern that your husband would leave. That is an extreme reaction on his part. My husband all but had a break down hw he we found out we were having twins but I never once felt that he would leave me. I definitely think counseling is a great option you you two as you seem to be on very different pages.

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