H traveling for work

shakinros · April 2014

In mid may, my H will be starting a project out of town. For three months, he'll leave at 7am on Mondays and return at 8pm-ish on Fridays. Boo. Neither of us are thrilled but this assignment is definitely not optional or negotiable.

Got any survival tips for me? DD is 20 months.
Routines to make solo parenting easier?
Recs for managing stress?

DD looooves her daddy and I know she'll miss him a lot during the week. Will FaceTime help at this age?

shannm · April 2014

FaceTime does help at this age I think. My DD at about that age loved to FaceTime with me when I traveled. Getting in a routine and having dinner planned out helps me when I am doing all the kid stuff. In July, my DH will start a year of his training where he will be gone from 6am till well after 8pm. When he will be home, he'll be sleeping. I have done this before with one kid but not two. I plan to remind myself to breathe out a lot, lol. Good luck!

Klavanga74 · April 2014

I'm sorry that your family has to be missing out on your DH like that. I don't have personal experience, I have to admit, but I live in an area with several military bases and I have a lot of military friends or wives who routinely deal with it. So I can tell you a little bit about what I get from them... First, I'd say, if course, use FaceTime...it doesn't matter how young DD is, I think it's good for her to see him. Second, I think routine is huge. I'm assuming you work. FT, so you probably already have a routine in place because of that. If not, then start one for the time you aren't working. Outings are helpful...park, kid's museums, etc. One other thing that's helpful whether DH is in town or not...get out alone every couple of weeks with some GF's. If you can afford to hire a babysitter, or if not, look for a babysitting coop in your area. Free help, but means you have to reciprocate. I hope some of those ideas help. In my last house we had a retired military couple living across the street. They had seven kids, most of whom are ridiculously successful...like top designer in NYC with two shows on TLC and a line in Crate and Barrel, plus another kid on the Forbes multimillionaire list, and another named by Time as one of a few most likely to influence the world. I'm not exaggerating. I once asked her what she did when they were growing up, and she said her husband was deployed A LOT and routine was key. Just thought that was a fun story to share. Sorry for the lengthy response. Good luck!

dglvrk2 · April 2014

I totally agree w/ PPs. Routines are key. Like @Klavanga74‌ mentioned, alone time is important too. DH travels a lot and I may be doing likewise starting this summer....yikes!!!! My sister's DH works on the North Slope (Alaska) for two weeks each month. We both feel like there's an adjustment period when our H's return home; the kids are more demanding of our attention, the husbands are tired and no one is otherwise immediately on their best behavior. We both found that a mellow evening or day with a little decompression time for the H makes the adjustment to him being home again easier.

Katelobster · April 2014

That's my life, too. I work PT now, although originally went back FT.

One of the really difficult things for me is keeping the house stocked because I had no time during the week to shop. I had no time to stop at a store after work, and when you're the only one home, you're trapped in the house once the kid is in bed. I think I hit my low point once when we were both sick, baby was asleep for the night, DH was gone, and I was bawling my eyes out because we had no adult medicine. Don't let it get to that.

Use diapers.com or soap.com for household supplies. Make lists of everything you need. If you need something in the middle of the week, go shopping during your lunch time at work. Having a stockpile of something is so much better than realizing you've run out of it with no way to get it.

I have never had help getting out the door in the mornings. If you're going to be doing morning routines alone for the first time, it helps to have absolutely everything ready the night before- baby's bottles/lunch, my clothes laid out, purse packed, etc. Anything that I had to bring to my DCP (like diapers) I put in the car the night before). If I could figure out how to feed the dog the night before, I would...

Make things easy on yourself. I rarely feel inspired to cool meals for just a toddler and myself, so we eat lots of simple things and I throw in some Amy's frozen meals for variety.

Think about what your husband does around the house now, if he'll able able to do it when he's onyl home on weekends, and if not, figure out how to incorporate it into your routine. Mowing the lawn at dusk when your kid is in bed and you aren't exactly sure how to use the lawnmower sucks. If your husband does things like lawn care now, think about hiring someone to do it for you. Be realistic about how much he's going to want to when he comes home on weekends. If he's anything like my husband, the answer is: not much. If you have any big projects that you need to get done, do them now, because it's hard to get motivated to do anything other than the basics on a schedule like this.

Good luck!

Katelobster · April 2014

Also, my daughter is now 23 months but I know we used Skype with her as young as 15 months. I have a picture of her at 15 months feeding plastic peas to her daddy in the computer screen while he was in Tokyo. It definitely helps.

laurakaz13 · April 2014

My husband was deployed for 10 months last year. We made it just fine. My advice:

-One or two reliable babysitters for during the week, even just to come over and be a "mother's helper"

-Cleaning service

-Have family visit. My parents visited one week per month while he was gone. I could look forward to that break from single parenting.

-Treadmill at home, so I could work out after bedtime.

-Skype/Facetime, etc.

I have more tips for weekends, but it sounds like your DH will be home each Friday. You can do this. It's not always fun, but it is empowering.

DiveFrog · April 2014

DD is 23 months and I just finished a similar travel schedule for my current work project. Facetime was definitely helpful and beneficial for both me, DH and DD. We set a standard time a facetimed every night I was gone.

To make things easier on DH, I would do as much as possible to get things ready for the week on the weekend and prep as much as possible ahead of time. If you and DH can work together on the weekends to make sure you are set up for success during the week it will definitely help. Things like making sure all the laundry is done, prep/plan dinners, I would put together DD's clothes for the week, and pre-pack DH's lunches as much as possible. We would make sure to do grocery shopping on the weekends so DH wouldn't run out of anything and have to make a trip to the store. We also hired a company to handle snow removal for us so you may want to consider having lawn service if needed for the next few months so that isn't on your plate, if we could have afforded it I would have hired a cleaning service as well while I was gone, but we couldn't swing it so the house just didn't stay as clean as I would have liked and I just had to accept that.

I won't say it is super easy, but once things fall into a routine it really became our new normal and second nature. I will say we have a lot of local family so the few times things came up, DH always had a few options for help when needed.

emberlee3 · April 2014

Definitely FaceTime. Come up with morning and evening routines, including some snuggle and play time. Meal plan. Maybe choose one day a week to take a class with LO or go to the park after work? Good luck!

shakinros · April 2014

Thanks for the recs everyone. I'm stressing about it but i know lots of folks are doin just fine with more solo parenting time.

We just moved to the area a couple months ago so we don't have babysitters yet. I will definitely work on that. No local family either but maybe my parents will come visit during the week sometimes.

thedash · April 2014

I'm alone with the two kids one week per month on average. It's really fine. I greatly relax my (already relaxed) housekeeping standards so a cleaning lady every Saturday is a must. We eat really simple things for dinner - rice and beans with a side of veggies, frozen pizza, breakfast for dinner, etc. It's also much easier now that the weather is nice and we can go outside for an hour before bed rather than bouncing off the walls indoors.

And I agree that DS (3 years old) tends to behave really badly for a day or two when DH gets home. I'm not sure how that will play out with weekly travel but just be prepared for some behavior challenges.

groovygrl · April 2014

I was in the same situation for about 4 months when my twins were 2. I was really nervous about it esp b/c we were also showing our house at the same time b/c we were moving but the crazy thing was that it was pretty smooth, in fact when MH came home on the weekend I found it stressful b/c it messed w/ our routine

hehe. I had a sitter come help me 2 nights a week for most of it, so taht I could clean the kitchen & downstairs since our house could be shown any day while I was at work. She helped me feed them & then took them up & did baths & PJs and helped me put them down...it helped me get a short breather esp if they didn't go to bed well or woke up a lot etc.
I also hosted girlfriends at my house every week one night for a glass of wine...it helped me to have some social interaction, I had about 6 friends that had a standing invite for those several months and some weeks just one would be able to come and some weeks it would be like 5 of them, it gave me something to look forward to during the week, some adult company, etc.
We didnt' live near family either and I think my mom came to visit once or twice probably. I was very lucky that I had a super flexible job at the time so I didn't worry too much about what would happen if they got sick, etc.

Good luck, it will go quickly & be easier than you think!

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