Send gifts when you don't attend?

KSwen719 · April 2014

So, I have ALWAYS sent a gift when I've been invited to a gift giving event and was unable to attend. This goes for baby showers, bridal showers, and weddings mainly. But my shower has passed and there were several ladies unable to attend and none of them have sent a gift. These aren't just acquaintances - they're relatives and very close friends. Granted they may plan on sending something later (I'm not due for two months). And I am in NO WAY complaining - I have literally every single thing I need (most of which we bought ourselves) I'm really just wondering if sending a gift for an event you did not attend is no longer required. What do you all suppose the etiquette on this is?? I'm invited to a bridal shower in a few weeks and I can't go, so now I'm rethinking what I should do.

And seriously, I am not complaining. At all.

KSwen719 · April 2014

Darbie914 said:

KSwen719 said:

So, I have ALWAYS sent a gift when I've been invited to a gift giving event and was unable to attend. This goes for baby showers, bridal showers, and weddings mainly. But my shower has passed and there were several ladies unable to attend and none of them have sent a gift. These aren't just acquaintances - they're relatives and very close friends. Granted they may plan on sending something later (I'm not due for two months). And I am in NO WAY complaining - I have literally every single thing I need (most of which we bought ourselves) I'm really just wondering if sending a gift for an event you did not attend is no longer required. What do you all suppose the etiquette on this is?? I'm invited to a bridal shower in a few weeks and I can't go, so now I'm rethinking what I should do.

And seriously, I am not complaining. At all.

A person is never required to give a gift- PERIOD. If someone can't make it to an event, it is up to them to decide if they still want to send a gift or not. It's not mandatory.

Also, if you want to give a gift, then give it. Don't rethink it based on what others do or don't do.

Lol, yea reading my post again my use of the word "required" was a bit silly - my apologies. I know giving a gift isn't ever required per se. Good point.

ETA: I guess I'm just mostly wondering what other ladies here do.

lexusolsen · April 2014

It depends on the situation. A family member is getting baptized this Saturday night. I can't go but will mail a card with money. Earlier this year we got invited to a co-ed second shower for people we have distanced ourselves from. I RSVP'd no and didn't send a gift. I don't think an invitation is a summons, for your attendance or a gift.

MMason12 · April 2014

For me it is about my relationship with the guest on honor. If they are a family member of a close friend whom I would give a gift to anyways, yes I would send a gift at some point. If it isn't someone I am super close with and can't make it, nope -- I wouldn't worry about sending a gift.

ccam · April 2014

It depends on my relationship with the bride / MTB. If I'm very close with them, then I would definitely send a gift. If not, then I don't. It's not required.

Sam Buttons · April 2014

It depends on my relationship with the person. I always send gifts for major life events - i. e. a wedding - but not for every party - i.e. a baby shower, birthday party, etc.

If it is a close friend or family member, I would likely send one or just give them a present when the baby is born.

jf198400 · April 2014

Agree with the others, it depends on my relationship with the guest of honor. DH's cousin out of state, yes sent a small gift. DHs friend from college that we see once every couple years, no gift.

VOR · April 2014

FOr a wedding, I'd still send a gift. For a shower? Probably not. If I'm close to the person, I'll probably be giving them a gift anyhow, so I don't feel I need to send a "shower" gift, per se.

If I'm not close to the person and the chances of me seeing them or what have you is slim - I probably won't give a gift.

sschwege · April 2014

Darbie914 said:

Gotcha.

It depends on my relationship with the guest of honor. If it's a close friend/family member and I can't attend, I'll usually send a gift or save it until the next time I see them.

If the event is for someone I don't really talk to or see much, I usually don't send a gift.

Same

Jags8 · April 2014

Add me to everyone else who says it depends on the relationship. I've missed a few of my cousins' weddings and/or baby showers (usually due to living halfway across the country). I wouldn't say I'm terribly close to any of them, so I've never sent a gift.

I missed my sister's baby shower, but when I was back in the state after my nephew was born, I gave her a gift.

zazu13 · April 2014

My babies are 6 weeks old. My showers were 3 months ago and Im still getting gifts from those who couldnt attend. Dont assume they wont send something. Like others said, theres no rules. Send a gift if you want to (and it sounds like you usually want to.)

bohemianlc · May 2014

I agree with PPs that I don't think it's an obligation to send a gift, but I do think it's a kind gesture to send a small gift if you know the person pretty well. That's the rule of thumb I use for myself, anyways. With that said, I was recently invited to a shower for a girl I haven't seen since 9th grade (seriously!), and I didn't send anything because I honestly don't even know where she lives or what she's been up to since high school. The invite was even sent to my parents' house that I grew up in because she doesn't know my address, which I thought was rather odd.

I agree with zazu13 that you may still get some gifts, so don't feel bad if someone really close to you didn't send anything.

winterviolethope · May 2014

I would never not send a gift if I was invited, but maybe they are just waiting for the baby to be born now? I usually give a gift twice - at shower and birth.

Ceridwen21 · May 2014

I would just get a nicer "meet the baby" type of gift if I couldn't attend the shower.

Ciardasully · May 2014

I would send a gift if I couldn't attend a shower unless I am not close to the person.

Send gifts when you don't attend?

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