Emotional vent

AandStilltrying · April 2014

Just needed to vent. Ever get on a crying spell and can't stop? That's been me since about 10:00pm last night and it won't stop. In fact it's getting worse.

I'm currently being told how disappointed Sarah is in me for driving my mom back to WV this weekend. Even though I left on Friday and am driving back as soon as I can chill myself out.

She's mad I wasn't there when she took her first injection. But this wasn't first time we've done this and I'm only gone for 48 hrs. She refuses to travel while we are ttc. For me it's hard because I only see my family 2-3 times a year because my mom won't drive. I feel like I'm being asked to put everything on hold, but we've been trying for 16 months and my moms days are limited. Just feeling hurt and I try to talk to her about it and it just makes things worse.

I've never been like this and it scares me. I think it's because I love her so much and hate that I can't get her to see things from any other view but her own on this. Feeling like an outsider in all this.

StacyLH24 · April 2014

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I think that TTC places a lot of extra stress on us all.

I will be honest, if you know your Mom's days are limited, you need to spend as much time as you can with her. You will never get that time back. As you said, you have been TTC for 16 months. While it is nice to do everything together, that isn't always possible, and that is ok.

I have had to learn not to put our lives on hold during all of this. C would talk about different plans and then I would interject with "what if I'm pregnant?" Well, 9 months later, I'm still not pregnant. I've learned to just live in the moment. We make plans for months down the road and just realize that we may have to alter them if need be.

It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, which is very well why you started crying and haven't stopped. Try to take a step back and see what you can do to take care of yourself. It may seem selfish, but at the end of the day, it is necessary. Do you see a counselor? If not, it might not be a bad avenue to explore. At the very least, it gives you an unbiased person to bounce your feelings off of and unload on. It can be so helpful.

Take care of yourself.

Jazibel · April 2014

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. The TTC road is so bumpy sometimes. It's really hard to be 100% supportive of each-other at all times. I think you're thinking along the right lines by making communication a priority. I'm guessing both you and your wife feel the pressures of TTC, and sometimes it blinds us from being able to see the other persons point of view. That said - it is really important to take care of yourself, and to know that your priorities still matter, even when TTC, even when pregnant, and even when parenting. It's a fine balance - but we can't put ourselves last, especially when making time for other loved ones.

Crying - totally okay in my book. Taking a few hours or days to "chill out" before starting the conversation again also really helpful.

One thing EV and I do when we're upset is email, or chat (or even text) each-other. Somehow that slows the conversation down so I can really "hear" what she's saying without getting as anxious, talking over her, etc.

Take care, enjoy the time with your mom & have a safe drive home.

2momsinCA · April 2014

Spending time with your family is never the wrong choice, particularly if you rarely see your mother and may have limited time to spend with her down the road. TTC is an emotional and sometimes painful process but it's especially important to not take care of the rest of life that is happening around you. I'm sorry things are rough right now and it's good that you can express these feelings here. I hope that you and Sarah can see eye to eye soon on this one.

JGY · April 2014

Well, S and I have some major communication issues and don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. So I have no good advice for you, but wanted you to know that I'm here and you're not alone! Sending hugs. Eventually you will stop crying, and the sun will come out a bit. The stress of TTC can make anyone do/say things that are unreasonable. Hang in there!

AandStilltrying · April 2014

My problem now is that when I got home she of course sat on the couch with little acknowledgement...pouting. I had just drove 7 hrs, was tired and cranky from the trip. I tried to get over it and rub her back as she was nauseated and laying on couch. Then the dog demanded my attention and I fell asleep snuggling with her.

Sarah had like 3 hrs. To talk to me about any of this and didn't. She waited until we went to bed and then wanted to wake me up and talk about it then. Grrr. So then I was in a worse mood and just feeling angry so I went to bed because I knew I couldn't keep my cool and would only make a rough patch harder.

This morning she tried waking me up as she left for work. I'm on spring break still so I can sleep in. Ugh!!!!

This is the worst part of ttc. I've really felt very alone without family support in all this and me crying all day yesterday didn't help because my family is smart enough to know I was fine before I talked to her. I always try to keep home drama away from my mom and sisters because it took a long time for them to even be able to send time with Sarah. And of course my sister the whole way back yesterday kept reminding me that she always does this when I go up there.

Hopefully today I stop being angry and find the right words to express to her how I'm feeling. Thank you all for advice and support.

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