I need some advice ladies

seannasmommy16 · April 2014

So for the past week or so me and DH haven't really spoken to each other. When we do talk it's not a real conversation just a lot of small talk, when we kiss it's not like it use to be. We both just seem really unhappy or really bored, I don't know.. but I don't like how we seem so far apart now a days, is there any suggestions you have to try and spice things back up abd bring some excitement back??
The post partum thing is really getting to me. I'm just always bummed out, just don't really enjoying things anymore. Idk. Advice please!!!!

MamaFantastic · April 2014

I would adjust your expectations... the first month home isn't meant to be spicy for parents. Do you have access to a PPD screening tool? It sounds like you might possibly benefit from talking to someone.

I'd type more but I'm nursing and legit SO tired.

seannasmommy16 · April 2014

I understand that.
I didn't expect it to be all crazy but I didn't expect to be how it has been.
I'm not sure. Going to look it up

NatalieBier · April 2014

I think it has always helped the month before baby gets here to admit to each other this time period sucks and will continue to suck for the next few weeks. You and he will eventually feel normal and connected again. It's just a hard time with all the anxieties that come with a new baby.

seannasmommy16 · April 2014

Alright. Thank you, I'm going to see what I can do to pull myself out of the dumps

nicole mackenzie · April 2014

Hugs!

It may just be some baby blues and anxiety but don't hesitate to get help. There's no shame in having or getting help for ppd.

HNRomance · April 2014

MrsEll said:

The newborn phase really tested our relationship last time around. Sleep deprivation and stress can really take a toll. It might be helpful to talk about how you're feeling with him. "Honey, I've been so exhausted and stressed lately. I'm sure you feel the same. I know it might not seem like it sometimes, but I love you and need you and I'm glad we are in this together." But I agree that counseling can help too, especially if you're feeling like this is more than just feeling tired and stressed.

I agree. Sometimes verbalizing helps, even if it only makes you both feel less lonely for a bit. Is there something that you can do together for a bit? Maybe a threesome cuddle or a two-some one when baby sleeps? Something that's low-key intimate?

seannasmommy16 · April 2014

HNRomance said:

MrsEll said:

The newborn phase really tested our relationship last time around. Sleep deprivation and stress can really take a toll. It might be helpful to talk about how you're feeling with him. "Honey, I've been so exhausted and stressed lately. I'm sure you feel the same. I know it might not seem like it sometimes, but I love you and need you and I'm glad we are in this together." But I agree that counseling can help too, especially if you're feeling like this is more than just feeling tired and stressed.

I agree. Sometimes verbalizing helps, even if it only makes you both feel less lonely for a bit. Is there something that you can do together for a bit? Maybe a threesome cuddle or a two-some one when baby sleeps? Something that's low-key intimate?

yeah. I tired taking a bath with him last night but once again we just sat there not saying anything to each other. It was very awkward..but I'll try the cuddling and talking and see what that doesn't do.

Calla123 · April 2014

Yeah we went on a date 3 weeks after having our first dd and all we could talk about was dd and how we were anxious to get home to her

I think it's normal to feel this way for the first while. We started to feel sane and a like a couple again when our dd was around 2 months old. Good luck!

mooncusp22 · April 2014

I won't be much help but wanted you to know you are not alone ..I could have written exactly what you wrote. I am a FTM so didn't know what to expect (I have written a few posts about how I am feeling too). DH & I haven't really spoken since Friday, except for "is the dishwasher clean?' Type things. I don't remember the last time I smiled or laughed. I too am having a hard time enjoying things, the only thing I love right now is my daughter. Holding her is the only place I feel "safe" DH has made comments to me to "snap out if it" . I wish he would just hug me, tell me he loves me & tell me everything will be OK. We too sit there in silence when we eat dinner or when we went grocery shopping yesterday. It is very awkward.

I think I will call my doctor tomorrow as others have suggested. I feel I no control over my emotions & the one person I would love to help me is acting emotionally unavailable to me.

You are not alone...and I am glad I am not either. But if you are at a point like I feel like I am, I need more help then to try to push everything inside by myself.

seannasmommy16 · April 2014

mooncusp22 said:
I won't be much help but wanted you to know you are not alone ..I could have written exactly what you wrote. I am a FTM so didn't know what to expect (I have written a few posts about how I am feeling too). DH & I haven't really spoken since Friday, except for "is the dishwasher clean?' Type things. I don't remember the last time I smiled or laughed. I too am having a hard time enjoying things, the only thing I love right now is my daughter. Holding her is the only place I feel "safe" DH has made comments to me to "snap out if it" . I wish he would just hug me, tell me he loves me & tell me everything will be OK. We too sit there in silence when we eat dinner or when we went grocery shopping yesterday. It is very awkward.

I think I will call my doctor tomorrow as others have suggested. I feel I no control over my emotions & the one person I would love to help me is acting emotionally unavailable to me.

You are not alone...and I am glad I am not either. But if you are at a point like I feel like I am, I need more help then to try to push everything inside by myself.

I feel like a zombie. I'm just going through the motions of things, but I'm not really enjoying any of it. DH seems to be having the same problem. I hate the way I've been feeling but I can't seem to do anything to pull myself out of it. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I just don't know.

kseccomb17 · April 2014

It might benefit your DHs @mooncusp22 and @seannasmommy16 to look up and really read into post partum hormone changes, signs of PPD and PPA, and how a woman can feel in general after having a baby. I really think it's a hard concept for men to grasp and by doing some research it may give them some insight they need to better understand what you're feeling. It's also important to be open and literally tall them what you need from them in an emotional sense. Another thing is to seek counseling and they can sit in with you, if you allow, and they might learn more there. If you think you're feeling more blue than normal, seek help. It's a common thing to go through, but you don't have to suffer.

Mustardseed2007 · April 2014

I think it's been easier on us this time around simply because we knew it was going to suck. I mean, we all are aware going in that newborns are hard, and th you experience it and experiencing the hard times is simply always worse than expecting them. I think it's helped me and dh to acknowledge when the other person does something good or apologize to each other when we have been annoyingly selfish (even if it's totally excusable). I should note that I started doing this with dh and then he started doing it too, which was both surprising and nice. It is a reminder that we are on the same team, even if it means that dealing with the current challenge isn't an intimate, romantic thing.

mooncusp22 · April 2014

I won't be much help but wanted you to know you are not alone ..I could have written exactly what you wrote. I am a FTM so didn't know what to expect (I have written a few posts about how I am feeling too). DH & I haven't really spoken since Friday, except for "is the dishwasher clean?' Type things. I don't remember the last time I smiled or laughed. I too am having a hard time enjoying things, the only thing I love right now is my daughter. Holding her is the only place I feel "safe" DH has made comments to me to "snap out if it" . I wish he would just hug me, tell me he loves me & tell me everything will be OK. We too sit there in silence when we eat dinner or when we went grocery shopping yesterday. It is very awkward. I think I will call my doctor tomorrow as others have suggested. I feel I no control over my emotions & the one person I would love to help me is acting emotionally unavailable to me. You are not alone...and I am glad I am not either. But if you are at a point like I feel like I am, I need more help then to try to push everything inside by myself.
I feel like a zombie. I'm just going through the motions of things, but I'm not really enjoying any of it. DH seems to be having the same problem. I hate the way I've been feeling but I can't seem to do anything to pull myself out of it. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I just don't know.

Yep...I totally feel like a zombie too. I feel like I don't recognize myself in the mirror. I think that is a part of my blues too. I feel fat, my hair is a ratty mess, my face is still battling pregnancy acne, I wear pj pants, a robe and slippers everyday. I don't know who I am any more. And I feel so guilty when I cry too. I feel like my poor little daughter deserves a happy mom.

Jessimax · April 2014

Your not alone. I know for me it's just a lot of resentment at this point. Because let's face it, with a new born women do all the work (especially since I am breast feeding) so I see him sleep and basically live a normal life and I kind of hate him now. Got over it last time.

mooncusp22 · April 2014

Jessimax said:
Your not alone. I know for me it's just a lot of resentment at this point. Because let's face it, with a new born women do all the work (especially since I am breast feeding) so I see him sleep and basically live a normal life and I kind of hate him now. Got over it last time.

This exactly. DH went into the guest room during the night when LO was stirring in her sleep. Then took a nap during the day. I snapped and said "yeah, you must need a precious nap after a full nights sleep". He said I should have woken him in the night if I needed help. Why would I wake up to go wake him up to feed her? I told him if he really wanted to help me he would set his alarm & get up so I could sleep . Total resentment

kseccomb17 · April 2014

Is breastfeeding really worth feeling resentful toward them? Maybe you should sit down and tell him how physically/emotionally demanding it can be. You guys need to come up with a solution like try supplementing with pumped milk or switch to formula. Baby needs a healthy mom, that includes mentally. They can sense your frustration and that makes it hard on everyone. Communication is really the key.

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