How to be sensitive when your pregnant, when someone close to you is having pregnancy complications.

Re: How to be sensitive when your pregnant, when someone close to you is having pregnancy complications.

• brooklyngirl46 member

  April 2014

  I would say to just be open and honest, and let your SIL take the lead. You can let her know that you are there for her, and that means both that you will support her being there, or understand if she needs the space. Not inviting her might be seen in a different way than you intend. 

  
  

  Being with my LO rocks! DD born 6/13/14.

  

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• nicolemcm member

  April 2014

  Same as pp, I would definitely make sure she knows you're there for her and that she's more than welcome at the shower. But let her know you would understand if she didn't want to come. Let her let you know what she needs.

  
  
  

   

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• Helenahhandbasket member

  April 2014

  Can you wait to find out the outcome of her pregnancy before you do anything?

  I am assuming she's pretty early on at this point where a matter of days can make a big difference on an ultrasound.

   

  BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

  

   

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• LoveOBX630 member

  April 2014

  I am having a similar issue. Most of my best friends are having fertility issues, and my husband and I were fortunate enough to not have any complications. We were the type that decided to go off of birth control options and see what happened, hoping for a baby within the year (knowing it could take a while and not wanting to stress) and getting pregnant very soon after. It's very hard to talk to most of them because the air felt strange. I've just handled it by checking on them like I always did and not mentioning the baby unless they ask. It seems to have worked well, but still at times I know things are odd and strange where they didn't used to be. I don't know how better to handle it, so this is what I have done!

  
  

  Good luck!

  
  
  

  
  

  

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• refletch member

  April 2014

  As someone who has miscarried and been on your SIL's side of the fence, I think you should still invite her.  While what she is going through is incredibly difficult, she needs to at least have the option of going and then its in her ball park for what she feels up to. For me, I found it extremely helpful to know that I had the support of my family and friends and didn't want them to walk on egg-shells around me.  My loss in no way negated the joy I felt for my friends that were expecting.

  
  

  So congratulations on your upcoming little one  And I hope this helps a little bit

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• darkangel42 member

  April 2014

  It's been said already. Invite her, make it known that you would like her there if she feels up to it and that you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable so understand if she wants to give it a miss.

  
  

  Depending on the type of people you both are, you could just ask her what she needs.

  My non-nonsense friend's Mom died suddenly and I just asked him straight out what he needed from us (the friendship group). He said he wanted normal as much as possible so that made it a little easier to know how to act - we went back to gently poking fun at each other, meeting up once a week for breakfast and he let one of us know when he needed something specific like space or a hug.

  Obviously, approach it more gently if you know she's sensitive or wouldn't appreciate this - you know her better than we forum people do.

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• Jodash24 member

  April 2014

  I have a similar situation, since me and my partner has been together sil has had fertility problems with two partners (over time) I'm due anyday now and it's so awkward around her, nothing has ever been said but I can see she wants what we have, though this hasn't been easy for us (previous mc) complications through pregnancy also. Mil says sil is excited for the new baby.... Just glad we don't see them that often I feel awful around her

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• veetveet member

  April 2014

  As a loss mom... I can tell you that I am not interested in talking about anyone's pregnancy...even though I lurk these boards like crazy. Let her know you are there for her and when she is ready to get together or talk you will be there.
  
  As for the shower let her know she is invited but there is no obligation to attend and no hard feelings if she doesn't.
  
  I lost my boy 9 weeks ago and I have my bff who is pregnant with twins. All she can talk about is her pregnancy (rightly so... she is excited) I have had to pull away. I just can't deal with it right now.... and I will not be attending anyone's shower for a very long time.

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• jasrun80 member

  April 2014

  yes, just be honest. you seem very kind & intelligent & can show your compassion by telling her how much you don't want to hurt her, and that you would understand if it's too much for her right now, to be present for all your excitement. tell her you are here for her & that you hope your own excitement over your rapidly approaching future isn't making it worse & if it's hard for her, then you understand & that you aren't meaning to make her position harder.
  sorry to hear about her rough start.

  
  
  
  
  

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