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Pregnant after a Loss
kikimeemee
member
Intro
kikimeemee
member
Hello Ladies: I'm new to this board and grateful to know there's a category just for us. I had a missed miscarriage (and D&C) with my first pregnancy in December 2013, and became pregnant on what I can only imagine was a 2-week late ovulation date (what a wonderful surprise). I'm just over 10 weeks pregnant but still in disbelief and am not feeling the pregnancy giddiness I see on other boards. I don't dare buy any pregnancy books for fear of having them around if I am to go through another loss (I use the library instead). Every day is just odd because I can't really tell what's going on "in there" but I've had no signs of trouble either. I've had two promising ultrasounds with a strong heartbeat and expected growth but there is still a very big part of me that can't let the fear of loss subside. I'm trying to let myself enjoy the early stages of pregnancy but "trying" and "succeeding" are two different things.
Have some of you felt this disconnect and/or fear during your first successful pregnancy after a loss? I am hoping/praying with time that I will relax and feel comforted that things are well on their way, but today I still sit in disbelief. And the thought of telling people I am pregnant in 2 weeks is completely out the window; I'd rather wait until well into the summer when I am much further along. 12 weeks just seems to early to share the news once a loss has been experienced.
I'm disappointed that I can't enjoy early pregnancy more and that every time I use the washroom I am expecting the worst.
So that is my story...and hello! 
(Edit: Forgot to add that this current pregnancy, my 2nd ever, was looking pretty negative before my first US in that my numbers weren't growing strongly enough so doctor said --and I also thought -- that this was a second miscarriage. Probably adds to the intensity of my fears and disbelief!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro
Tkparry16: Like you (I just read your intro) I had a missed miscarriage in November in which the embryo stopped growing, and I didn't know it until much later at the US. Then I had a D&C in December.
It's hard waiting for the upcoming doctor's appts when they are around the corner (I usually get anxiety) so I will be praying for you as we get closer to Tuesday. Wishing you a wonderful appt and peaceful rest each night!
BFP 4/17/13, MC began 5/2/13 @ 6 weeks
My FF Chart
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
Femara + Gonal F + Ovidrel 3/6/14 IUI #3 (plus 2x acupuncture)
Team Pink!!
ALL ARE WELCOME
Married DH 3/14/09
TTC Since Jan 2011
Diagnosed with PCOS Jan 2013
BFP#1 June 2013/ EDD 2/23/2013 Blighted Ovum confirmed July 18, 2013
took Cytotec July 20, 2013
BFP #2 12/28/2013 EDD 9/11/2014 Its A Girl!!! Rebecca Ann!
Rebecca Ann born 8/31/2014 6lb 1oz 19 inches long 8:55am!!!!
BFP#1: 2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14
BFP#2: 2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed
Surprise BFP#3: 4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!
John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz. He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
A little bit about me...
Married my awesome guy on 12/27/08
DD Lucy Rae born on 11/16/2010
Loss #1: November 29, 2012 at 8w1d
Loss #2: June 9, 2013 at 13w (Amelia Grace)
BFP #4: We are having a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peter Matthew was born on July 16, 2014!!! Welcome to our family!
"If anyone asks me how many children I have, the answer is 4. Just two of them live in Heaven."
*All are welcome in my posts*So many supportive comments form you all, thank you!
@Squiddly and @Shayna0408 -- thanks for sharing your personal stories. Helpful to know I'm not alone and that the feelings very likely will subside...
Welcome!
Yes, I relate entirely to what you have written. I've had three missed miscarriages: My first pregnancy, my daughter's twin, and then my most recent pregnancy. And even though I have two healthy kids, I still have lost more babies than I've taken home. And of 4 pregnancies, only 1 hasn't resulted in a loss. So yea, I'm jaded... :-<
That being said, for me, things do get better at about 20 weeks. I start to relax a little and enjoy things. In the past, I've always found out the sex because it helps me bond a little more. Obviously that isn't true for everyone (I think waiting for a surprise at delivery would be awesome in a lot of ways!) but for me, I do emotionally distance myself quite a bit until I can feel kicking and have had the anatomy scan and things have looked healthy.
Be gentle with yourself. You are still early and you will bond with your baby. PGAL just means you protect your heart a little more than someone who hasn't experienced the gut wrenching loss of a baby. It's normal.
Congratulations and good luck!
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens