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Hello there, let me introduce you to my unconventional family!

ImJessesGirlImJessesGirl member
in Blended Families
Hi there! So glad that I found this section of TB!

I am Katie, 32. I married my DH a month ago. My DD, 9, is from my previous marriage to her father. We divorced when she was 4 years old. XH got remarried almost immediately (like within three months). For quite a while, I HATED DD's step mom. Like, with a passion. I hated her voice, her mannerisms, etc. Basically, I hated the fact that another woman was around my child and I couldn't control the circumstance. I am sure other mothers have felt the same way after a divorce.

This went on for years. Then, after a family tragedy, I learned that DD's SM was actually one of the nicest and kindest people I know. She and I developed a friendship that is very unusual. We get a lot of flack from family members on both sides. My mom took a long time to come around and understand why I'd want to be friends with this woman. My DH's mom also made comments about how "sick" (her actual word) it is that I am friends with my XH's wife. I don't see her as my XH's wife. She is my friend and we are parenting the same child.

I met my DH 3 years ago and I was so proud to be able to say that there is NO DRAMA with my DD and her other parents. We get together frequently, we go to DD's functions together. I have even stayed over at their house overnight when visiting them (they live far away as XH is active duty military).

My DD loves and hates this relationship all at the same time, lol. She loves that there is no drama, but she HATES that she gets away with nothing. If she is in trouble at dad's house, then she's in trouble at my house too. Once, DD, stepmom, and I brought DD to a concert that required us to stay overnight in the city the concert was at. While standing in line to enter the concert, we struck up conversation with the others in line. My daughter, at one point blurted out "Yep, I'm just standing here waiting for a concert with my moms!" You should've seen the stares. I think they assumed we were polygamists! LOL.

Anyway, just thought I'd share with y'all as I will be sticking around. It helps bring perspective to our truly blended family. I'm including a picture of all of us that was taken at my wedding a month ago. It's myself, DH, DD, her step mom, her dad, their kids, and then the step mom's mother.
image
image
Me: 33 DH: 31
DD: 10 (born August 2004)
Married 03/01/14
TTC#2
BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





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Re: Hello there, let me introduce you to my unconventional family!

  • cole2144cole2144 member
    Welcome! Your daughter is very lucky that you all get along so well, as you will see here, that is often not the case.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
    image






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  • ImJessesGirlImJessesGirl member
    I see just from lurking... And it wasn't always the case for us, but I am thankful we are at that point now!
    image
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    TTC#2
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    That is fantastic! I don't know why people can't see those rate relationships as blessings. Welcome! And what a beautiful family you have! All of you. That color looks stunning on your daughter.
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  • hopankahopanka member
    When I opened this post I was wondering, if one of the old regular posters came back to update, but I see it's a new "jesse's girl". Welcome, OP! It is great that everyone is getting along in your family, I am sure it is much less stressful when people can put their own agendas aside for the greater good.
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  • ImJessesGirlImJessesGirl member
    When I chose my screen name, I had noticed that there were other Jesse's girl screennames, because I had to try like 3 different ways to write it.

    Thanks for the warm welcome!
    image
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    TTC#2
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





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  • IlumineIlumine member
    This is a wonderful post! And screw your MIL.  Who actually thinks being the bigger/better person is "sick".  
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • ImJessesGirlImJessesGirl member
    Oh my MIL is another whole topic in itself!!! She's psycho. And that's putting it mildly. @Ilumine
    image
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    TTC#2
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





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  • Muffins_MomMuffins_Mom member
    Having that sort of relationship does make life easier, doesn't it? My parents were able to finally get there and we were able to get there with DH's ex. DH's ex even helped sell Girl Scout cookies for my daughter this year. I describe us as the "new American family." We're weird, but in a good way. :)
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  • ImJessesGirlImJessesGirl member

    Muffins_Mom said:
    Having that sort of relationship does make life easier, doesn't it? My parents were able to finally get there and we were able to get there with DH's ex. DH's ex even helped sell Girl Scout cookies for my daughter this year. I describe us as the "new American family." We're weird, but in a good way. :)
    Yep! I always just say we're one big happy family!
    image
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    TTC#2
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





    Report Reply
  • allgood921allgood921 member
    You are not alone in the unconventional family!   My DH's  and his ex (They never married) broke up when their little was about a year old, ex met her now husband around the same time DH and I met, which was when SD was about 2.  Ex and her DH got married after about a year or so of dating and grew their own family by 2.  DH and I waited MUCH longer to get married and grow our side of the family.
    There was a lot of tension for a few years, and I mean A LOT! Tension got even more intense when DH decided it was time to take ex to court to establish custody of his daughter (ex's hubby was in the military and was receiving orders to move further away).  It wasn't until about a year ago that things simmered down.
    When DH and I got engaged I decided to take the step to get to know BM and try to be friends, and sure enough it worked!  We get along very well and while her husband was away on deployment DH and I spent a lot of time with her and her kids during the summer and even vacationed to Disney with her.  

    My MIL completely disagreed with this until I finally convinced her to look at it from my SD's point of view where "all her parents get along" and there is no fighting or drama she has to be stuck in the middle of.  
    My aunt said nastier things along the lines of "I'd be ruining my marriage and relationship by being close to 'the ex'"

    But I have to say, I personally enjoy being able to be friends with my SD's other family.  Her younger siblings think of me and DH as aunt and uncle type roles and are more than welcome to come visit with their sister when it's her time to come see us.  The same will go for my child as well when he/she is born!

    We all live about 2-3 hours away from each other, so we don't have the luxury of having as many family nights as we'd like, but we still plan certain vacations or visits with each other.  

    It's nice and makes the whole blended family/co-parenting SO much easier!!  Props to you!!  And don't let nasty comments and opinions sway you any different!!
    Me- 23; DH- 29
    Started dating Oct. 2008; Married Sept. 2013
    TTC since Sept. 2013
    BFP 11/25/13 EDD 08/04/14
    MC 12/13/13 @ 5 wks 2 days
    BFP 02/11/14 EDD 10/24/14

    “When everything seems to be going against you,
    remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
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  • allgood921allgood921 member
    Btw, months ago I posted a similar Intro about my blended family and received some rather rude comments about my situation being fake or that it wasn't possible for things to be "that perfect".  I'm glad to see so many positive responses, it makes me want to come back and visit this board more often!
    Me- 23; DH- 29
    Started dating Oct. 2008; Married Sept. 2013
    TTC since Sept. 2013
    BFP 11/25/13 EDD 08/04/14
    MC 12/13/13 @ 5 wks 2 days
    BFP 02/11/14 EDD 10/24/14

    “When everything seems to be going against you,
    remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
    Report Reply
  • ambrvanambrvan member

    If I remember correctly, allgood921, you got some responses you did not want because of the way your post came across, not because you family can get along. Your post came across very juvenile and naïve. This board doesn't dish out rainbows and sunshine.

    And truth be told, this board doesn't like to see young people getting involved in blended families if they can help it. I don't say that to bash your age (your sig says 23). I, too, am also young (24), and I got involved with my DH at barely 19. I received some pretty harsh judgments, as well. I was also naïve, though. In the five years I have been part of this board, I have realized that almost everything that was ever said to me on this board was to help me.

    And while I acknowledge that the ladies here (me sometimes, too) can be overly harsh or quick to snark, most of the women here have "been here, done that" and really are just telling truths that people don't want to hear but usually need to hear. If you stick around here enough you'll see.

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  • allgood921allgood921 member
    @ambrvan

    I think you may be referring to someone else because my original introduction was done under an account I later deleted due to my inactivity at the time.  And my intro was no different than what I posted earlier in response to the OP, so I'm not sure how that's juvenile or naive?  I have not posted a single intro with this account since I have come back.

      And no one was really harsh to be, it just seemed more of a "We don't want to hear your story".  So when I came back I decided to just lurk and maybe post some advice if I saw a subject I could help on.  I don't really like stirring up drama on the internet so if I feel anything is every snarky or rude I just ignore it and try to stay away from posting full blown discussions but instead find one that already exists I can partake in.


    I do appreciate your guidance though!  I've been wanting to participate here a lot more especially since I may be seeking advice on my own for introducing a LO to my SD in our home where she's been the only child for the past 6 years.  I didn't mean to come across as I was brushing off the entire board. 

    Me- 23; DH- 29
    Started dating Oct. 2008; Married Sept. 2013
    TTC since Sept. 2013
    BFP 11/25/13 EDD 08/04/14
    MC 12/13/13 @ 5 wks 2 days
    BFP 02/11/14 EDD 10/24/14

    “When everything seems to be going against you,
    remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
    Report Reply
  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Maybe I am thinking of someone else. I do remember a young poster with a really super... happy.... post with lots of exclamation marks. Lol
    Report Reply
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