My Marriage

ByeBabyBunting · April 2014

My marriage is not doing well at all. I don't want to do a giant TL;DR, but I could really use some support and inspiration. I'm starting counseling Monday, DH is taking a lot of responsibility and is in counseling and now a support group, so I'm trying to be hopeful, but it is so hard to put on a brave front with DS and even at work.

Has counseling worked for you? What other things do you do to bring yourself peace in hard times?

Being an adult sucks sometimes.

ByeBabyBunting · April 2014

@CTgirl30 my counselor mentioned bringing in DH to some appointments so yes, we'll at least do a little of that and who knows, maybe more later. Thanks for the support

lauralew · April 2014

I think something no one tells us (or we don't listen) is how hard marriage is. I'm really impressed you're both taking initiative to address your own well-being and how that affects your relationship.

I think it's okay to break down from time to time. One coping technique I teach clients is to set aside a time every day/week to allow yourself to break down. That way when you have a tough day, you can set your emotions aside momentarily and deal with them later. If possible, set a timer during break down time so you are forced to stop. Also plan something positive for afterwards...watching a funny movie/tv show, hanging out with friends, etc.

Sending you lots of hugs and hope.

BluepointToasted · April 2014

Counseling, both individual and couples, has helped us so so much. We have both learned a lot of things that have changed the way we interact with each other. I am much happier in my marriage than I ever was, and to be honest I thought I was pretty happy in the past. I hope you have a good experience as well. Big hugs to you. If you ever feel like tl;dr-ing someone, feel free to PM me.

Smootchy · April 2014

I'm sorry. I don't want to be a downer in your post when you're looking for inspiration... but things are not so good in my household right now either. Try to take comfort in knowing you're not alone.

hugs

MrsT0514 · April 2014

Im sorry you guys are going through a rough patch right now. Huge hugs to you.

MH and I have been in couples counseling for about 8-9 months now and I cant even begin to tell you how its changed our relationship for the better. Its a wonderful feeling to be able to communicate efficiently and openly with each other. Not to say that we dont still have our ups and downs in our marriage (who doesn't? ), but now when it comes to disagreements and such, we deal so much better and are able to weather it much easier.

Best of luck. Kudos to you and YH for taking this step to better yourselves and your marriage.

LucilleAustero · April 2014

We never did individual counseling, bu couples counseling helped us a lot. It helped us identify our core issues and the defense mechanisms we developed over the years with each other. I still catch myself keepng score, every once in a while, but I am now able to talk to him about it, rather than attack or nag. And my husband used to just shut down and now is much mroe communicative.

Marriage is hard work, hope that this helps for you guys.

ILoveBoys · April 2014

We did couples and individual counseling last summer. Not many sessions but enough to pull us back from the edge (we almost divorced) and identify what our main issues were. Things are much better.

angelashly · April 2014

((Hugs)) I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with couple counseling as well.

aforst · April 2014

I'm sorry you guys are going through this. I think it's a great thing that you are both willing to work on yourselves and your marriage. Like everyone has said, marriage is hard, constant, work. I really hope you can get to a place where you are feeling better about your relationship. Lots of hugs.

azmama20 · April 2014

No advice, but I can tell you that I sincerely hope everything works out.

MamatoA2010 · April 2014

I'm sorry you're struggling. I think talking to a therapist can help. I hope things work out! My story didn't have a happy ending as my marriage resulted in divorce. My XH was sleeping with his client and had a child with her. I hope you guys can work things out! HUGS

wiggyslilsis · April 2014

I think the fact that both of you are taking responsibility and going to counseling speaks a lot. You guys are setting yourself up for success.

FWIW-DH and I did counseling to repair our marriage and it worked. We still go in for refresher every now and then. It just worfor us.

*hugs*

plus12012 · April 2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through a tough time right now. My sister and her husband went through a rough patch a few years ago, about a year after her youngest was born. They started seeing a counselor and he suggested they go on a marriage retreat/marriage boot camp. She said it was amazing, they were able to really focus on their issues with the help of counselors and other couples that were also struggling and they did not have any outside concerns (like taking care of the kids) to shift their focus. Now they seem to be really happy and back on track.

aintnoyuppiemom · April 2014

A lot of ladies on here posted that I should just sit down and spell everything out for my H and I have had a few in depth talks with him lately and my life has gotten a lot better I am not saying we are fixed but I do not feel so depressed I am accomplishing tasks and I feel more loved then I have in awhile.

Without knowing exactly what is happening all I can say is go into consoling with an opened mind and be thankful he is willing and wanting to work things out enough to do this for your marriage. You will be in a safe place with someone who will help sort things out with you who will have an un-baised opinion about the matter. Good luck with consoling and I hope that things work themselves out.

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