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Family member baby loss.

meganschneidermeganschneider member
in 2nd Trimester
So my husband has a relative who is pregnant. She's a few mot us ahead of me. It looks as if she will lose her baby. I feel awful and want to do something. Ice for her and her husband. What do I say or do? I'm afraid seeing me pregnant will upset her. I feel guilty that this is my third baby, and she is losing her first. I'm afraid if I see her ill just cry and makes things worse. Would it be ok to take dinner to her house with some flowers? I would love to know what to do.
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Re: Family member baby loss.

  • GlitterMuffin914GlitterMuffin914 member
    If it was me I'd probably stop by and bring dinner and flowers like you said. Let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk. But be prepared for her to not want to talk about pregnancy with you right now or anytime soon.

    You might want to post this over on the loss board and see if anyone there has recs of things they've appreciated in this situation. 

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  • ready-or-notready-or-not member
    Do you have an obvious baby bump yet? I think seeing you pg would be really hard right now, ESP in the "as it's happening/right after" phase. Send your DH over with dinner or something & keep the communication between you & her to call/text/what ever is normal for your relationship for the next week or so.
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  • jonahsmajonahsma member
    :lurking: I am sorry your dh relative is going through this right now my thoughts and prayers to you all. As a loss mom myself I would not want to see Any pregnant woman.even if you are showing or not she knows you're expecting. I think it's a great idea that you want to send over dinner and flower s. Maybe even sending a card, or a text letting her know that you are thinking of her. Again I'm sorry you r family has to go through this.
    (( hugs))
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  • nickielachickienickielachickie member
    My husband's best man's wife miscarried and we didn't find out until the day after we shared our news with them (she had miscarried a couple months before).  His friend emailed him the next day.  Let's just say I told DH that if they wanted to hang out with him and not me I wouldn't take it personally and I'd totally understand cause his friend said she will still really upset.

    I would send DH to be safe.  But it depends on your relative.

    My twin sister told me she miscarried the day I called to tell her I was pregnant (felt like a douche but not like I wanted it that way).  She is totally okay with it and me talking about it.  As she put it, me telling her about all the exciting stuff can be painful but it lessens everytime, and hearing about how I feel with the ultrasounds makes her happy.  

    So I would use DH to feel it out.  I'm sure you will have to see her at some point with family stuff, just try not to bring it up unless she does.
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  • JoyfulJulyJoyfulJuly member
    I think it's nice of your to send flowers or dinner but maybe have your DH do it.  I think if that does happen, you can also gently let her know that if she needs some space from you that it's okay.

    Several years ago my SIL and I were both pregnant at the same time and I was in your SIL's position. I think I would have appreciated something like "I'm sorry for your loss" but for you to be so thoughtful as to send food or flowers is above and beyond.
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  • shesamommyshesamommy member
    My cousin and I were expecting at the same time and I lost our 1st. It's better to send something to let her know your there for her.  Don't show up, being reminded of what you just lost hurts. It's nothing personal its just too soon. My cousin waited for me to recover before she talked to me about baby anything.

     

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  • kareik01kareik01 member

    I think it depends on your relationship with her.

    My sister miscarried a week before my husband and I announced our pregnancy. I felt awful sharing our news so soon after her loss, but I was also wanting my family to know! I asked my sister the next day if she was upset I shared my news so soon, and she said the opposite. She said she was so happy to have a piece of good news during her bad. She said my pregnancy makes her loss seem easier to take because she's still gaining a new little one to love, even if it isn't her own.

    I agree that I think flowers and dinner would be a nice gesture. I'm afraid not going to see her would make her feel even worse when she would inevitably see you with a baby belly, or even after your baby is born. It'll never get easier for her.

    Good luck, so sorry for what your family is going through.

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  • 12bailey1812bailey18 member
    My friend had a 2nd trimester loss when I was about 8 weeks along. They wanted no company after it happened so we left dinner and a small gift on her front porch for her. Please remember they may not want to see anyone during this time, even if it's to drop off food.

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  • mrsrhettmrsrhett member
    I would call with your condolences and then ask if it is ok that you come with flowers etc. My sister lost her baby at 24 weeks and I had my son 3 weeks to the day later. We hung out 24/7 after her loss, but that is how our situation worked for her. Everyone is different, and she may not want any visitors, to each their own, and respect whatever she wants

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