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EBF & Nights

PeachyBellaPeachyBella member
in November 2013 Moms

Moms who EBF, how are you coping with doing night duty on your own at this point? I know LO has it in him to STTN, but we're up 3 or 4 times each night and only nursing will put him back down. Of course, there's not much my husband can do about that, so I'm the only one up. (LO doesn't need MOTN diaper changes or anything else he could assist with). This is making me crazy with resentment. I tried to talk to him about it last night and the discourse went south fast. I basically just need some ladies to commiserate with. So how are y'all dealing?

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Re: EBF & Nights

  • daniann333daniann333 member
    We just do it.  I gave up on getting DH to help in the MOTN (or ever).  The less I think about it, the less I resent him (if that makes sense).  Because I am pretty much the ONLY one taking care of DS2, this will be our last child, so I tell myself to enjoy it, because I won't get this again.  I too have tried talking to DH and every conversation ends in disaster.  So I gave up.  It might be hurting my marriage now, but in the long run hopefully we can overcome it (when DS2 doesn't BF anymore, or when the kids are 18...lol) and get back to where we were.  You can also give LO formula if you want him to help in the MOTN, but that is something you have to decide.  
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  • AlisonM12AlisonM12 member
    Will LO takea a bottle? Maybe pump after putting LO down and have DH give a bottle for the next feeding. That's what we did when we were EBF. Or as PP said, formula would work too if you choose to introduce it.
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  • CarrieB.CarrieB. member
    JoeLies said:

    Can you nurse then pass your LO off to your DH to rock and put down?  We've been doing that when C fights sleep and it's a huge help.

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  • Kim22Kim22 member
    We started something new last week. If T gets up less than 3 hours after he went to sleep, DH takes him and bounces him to see if he will go back to sleep without nursing. Most of the time he does. If it doesn't work, then I will feed him. He does not takes bottles or pacifiers so we don't have a lot of options.
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  • ximenita003ximenita003 member
    edited April 2014
    I pray hard for sleep, for peace, for grace to continue!!

    I'm dealing with the same. DH stopped helping at all overnight around two months because he said he needed his rest for work. Well because of that, even if DH would try to comfort him, it never works. LO got used to only me. So I'm being tortured every night and I wake up cankerous almost every day. Seriously on a good night I'll sleep a total of four hours! I'm just waiting for my little guy to become a better sleeper and as for the resentment..I pray and try very hard to not lash out.

    Sorry I'm not much help.


    Edt. I think I meant cantankerous ....
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  • sands42sands42 member
    edited April 2014
    My little guy is up off and on 5-6 times or so starting around 3 am until he gets up at 5:45 am...and that's after also getting up at least once or twice for a feeding. It's frustrating but it's not going to last forever! :) I just tell myself that someone ALWAYS has it worse than me and I'm lucky to have healthy babies. My husband is on a 70/35 day rotation overseas so he's gone more than home- so I struggle with resentment issues with that. I need help dang it!! Lol

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  • ximenita003ximenita003 member
    LizB8943 said:

    Bradley has been sleeping through the night (7-9 hrs) but he got his 4-mo vaccines Monday and the last 3 nights have been pure hell...I feel like I have a newborn again with wake-ups every 1.5 hours. No amount of rocking, paci, etc. will get him back down--he just wants to nurse.


    Part of his problem (I think) is that he's not filling up during the day, and then doesn't have the reserves to get through the night without being hungry. I think a combination of being fussy from the vaccines (he was running a 101.5 fever, etc) and just the age--being more alert and aware, more easily distracted while eating, etc.--are preventing him from eating as much as he normally does during the day. I'm going to start making a concerted effort to work on this, and see if that helps at night. Just a thought...hang in there and good luck!


    I also think my lil dude isn't getting enough during day but I offer him all the time and he just flat out refuses and only nurses for a few minutes. At night he eats like a champ :/ what can a girl do? Let us know how it goes with this ok?
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  • 88sharonlee88sharonlee member
    The quote:
    Grant me serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
    Comes to mind!
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  • amberrrjadeamberrrjade member
    Honestly (don't kill me) since we bed share I barely notice our night feedings. She rouses I guide her to my breast and then we fall back asleep right away. Once I feel her stop sucking I wake enough to move her a bit and then I'm out again.
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  • SamanthaPoSamanthaPo member
    We have a good system. When she wakes up, SO brings her into bed with us, and she eats. She falls asleep and so do we.
    We had a talk early on about what we needed from one another. He helps me at night so I can keep up with my sleep and I take LO out with me on the weekends if we aren't together so he can do side work.

                                                              

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  • amberrrjadeamberrrjade member
    NYChs said:

    amberrrjade said:

    Honestly (don't kill me) since we bed share I barely notice our night feedings. She rouses I guide her to my breast and then we fall back asleep right away. Once I feel her stop sucking I wake enough to move her a bit and then I'm out again.

    How do you handle the opposite breast? Say the baby is to your left but you need to give the right breast? I'm way too uncoordinated for the side lying position. Never could do it.
    ---
    If I nurse her on the right I lay her to sleep on the left and then around 6 am I move her to my opposite side.

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  • katmac17katmac17 member
    I love my husband and he does a TON during the day, but he has slept in the guest bedroom since LO was born.  He has a hard time falling back asleep when he wakes up, so I have managed every.single.wake-up since she was born.  He feels really bad about it, but it also doesn't make sense for him to just lie awake from 2am on after I have him change a diaper or something when I can just pop in, nurse, and fall back asleep.  He tries to make up for it during the day, helping with our toddler, the dishes, etc., which helps.  I do become resentful when he talks about being tired after sleeping poorly for a night or two.  

    We are done with babies, so I just keep saying that in another month or two I will hopefully never be this sleep deprived again.  A few months of sleep deprivation doesn't sound that bad until you are in the middle of it, when a few months can feel like for-effing-ever!

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  • beka2525beka2525 member
    amberrrjade said:
    Honestly (don't kill me) since we bed share I barely notice our night feedings. She rouses I guide her to my breast and then we fall back asleep right away. Once I feel her stop sucking I wake enough to move her a bit and then I'm out again.
    We also do this. DS wakes up quite a bit, but sometimes he just likes to cuddle.
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  • mmm50mmm50 member
    I do exactly what @amberrrjade and Mish do. Soooooo much easier. If he sleeps through the night when we start solids I will move him to his crib. Otherwise he is in the bed for the near future.
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  • Shan8671Shan8671 member
    I pump before bed and then we take turns giving MOTN bottle! This has worked great because I know she is filling her belly up and not just "snacking" many time per night!
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  • jennifertewartjennifertewart member
    It is hard... but I just try to enjoy the MOTN snuggles.  I also make sure he gets all he can throughout the day so he is filled up for bedtime!  
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  • babymama619babymama619 member
    Sorry but I can't really relate to the resentment. I'm a single mom doing all the feeding and cleaning and shopping myself. You could pump or formula feed at night but you've chosen to EBF. That's an awesome decision so why add a negative feeling to it? MOTN come with the territory. Is the problem really that YH isn't helping during the day when he could be?

    Personally I think MOTN feedings are wonderful right now because dd is focused and and lovely and it's special time for us where I have nothing else to be doing or thinking about. Maybe try to focus on that.

    Soon you'll be able do cereal before bed and then maybe LO will give you more time at sleep at night.

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  • MJM291982MJM291982 member
    I guess it just comes with the territory. When DS was still in our bedroom, I would be so resentful listening to DH snore next to me while I woke up to nurse 3 times a night. Now that he's in his nursery, at least I don't have to hear the snoring. I already have supply problems so it's rare that I am able to pump extra. And those MOTN feeds help with my supply so skipping them is out. I'd much rather get up to nurse him than to deal with the dang pump in the MOTN. As PP said, it won't last forever- I have to keep telling myself that.
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  • Littlemama01Littlemama01 member
    babymama619 said:

    Sorry but I can't really relate to the resentment. I'm a single mom doing all the feeding and cleaning and shopping myself. You could pump or formula feed at night but you've chosen to EBF. That's an awesome decision so why add a negative feeling to it? MOTN come with the territory. Is the problem really that YH isn't helping during the day when he could be?

    Personally I think MOTN feedings are wonderful right now because dd is focused and and lovely and it's special time for us where I have nothing else to be doing or thinking about. Maybe try to focus on that.

    Soon you'll be able do cereal before bed and then maybe LO will give you more time at sleep at night.

    I agree completely, you choose to ebf so then it's not your H's fault he can't feed the baby. If it's causing resentment then It might be time to consider alternatives such as formula at night or pumping otherwise your H doesn't stand a chance in making it better.

    I don't ebf any more because I found I felt resentment too and now our relationship is much more relaxed and I am all around happier. And lo is doing great on a combo of ff and bf.
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  • ximenita003ximenita003 member
    So LO wouldn't settle down after his 11:30pm moTn so I brought him into bed with me and he slept beautifully and I side nursed with my bigger boob (which is no easy task) am I on the road to attachment patenting??
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