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Shy? Social when comfortable, but withdrawn around active kids. Help?

Beth.1212Beth.1212 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
My DS (15 months) is really friendly and loves meeting new people - as long as things stay calm. He's great with one or two new people in a calm setting, especially if it's familiar. He's okay with a bunch of new people as long as things stay pretty low key. He gets a bit withdrawn if we're in a calm new place with a whole bunch of new people. If there are a bunch of kids running around making a ruckus, he gets really intimidated/overwhelmed and can even start to cry, especially if we're in an unfamiliar place. 

It's confusing that he's so social and interactive in some situations and so withdrawn, even scared, in others. I'd love to do what I can to help him be more comfortable in new, bustling places. Any tips? 

Also, we just started a new class, and there is a range of ages. A lot of the kids are older and a little wild (relative to my LO, though they're good kids and just acting like normal, energetic kids). I'm debating whether I should see if there's a different class that I can move my LO to or if I should keep him in this one to try and acclimate him to this semi-chaotic environment. Does anyone have advice? 
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Re: Shy? Social when comfortable, but withdrawn around active kids. Help?

  • acbfreireacbfreire member
    DD is very shy at times and very social at other times. I try to help with transitions, but it is her personality.
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  • Litgirl77Litgirl77 member
    My 15 month old is the same way - I'm convinced that it's just his personality combined with the fact that he's an only child and is used to a more quiet household. I make sure we get out and about a lot and that he has the chance to interact with other children almost everyday. We just started a park district music class (he cried/fussed through most of it), he goes to child care at our gym, the church nursery, and storytime at the library. I think the most you can do is give them opportunities to experience new situations, but they're going to react however they're feeling in the moment. I've found the more I force it, the worse it gets. If I just relax and go with it, he responds a lot better. Bringing familiar toys (for my LO, it's his blankie) helps too - especially if I'm leaving him with someone else.
    Married November 2009 ~ Sam is here! (12/26/12)

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  • traveltheworldtraveltheworld member
    Litgirl77 said:
    My 15 month old is the same way - I'm convinced that it's just his personality combined with the fact that he's an only child and is used to a more quiet household. I make sure we get out and about a lot and that he has the chance to interact with other children almost everyday. We just started a park district music class (he cried/fussed through most of it), he goes to child care at our gym, the church nursery, and storytime at the library. I think the most you can do is give them opportunities to experience new situations, but they're going to react however they're feeling in the moment. I've found the more I force it, the worse it gets. If I just relax and go with it, he responds a lot better. Bringing familiar toys (for my LO, it's his blankie) helps too - especially if I'm leaving him with someone else.


    This.  DS was really not into other children or rowdy places when he was that age.  I was starting to get worried about how he seemed so withdrawn compared to other children.  But we just kept bringing him to different activites and made sure he had plenty of opprotunities to interact with other children.  Now at 21 months, he is a LOT better, and I think it helps too that other children can now kind of play alongside him, whereas 6 months ago, most kids are just running around randomly.

    What I also found helpful was if we are attending a class, I'd make sure we go early so he has an opportunity to see other children come in one at a time.  I found he did a lot better with that as compared to us being the "late" ones and him suddenly finding himself in the middle of 8 kids.

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  • pb_bridepb_bride member
    DS is 17m and is similar.  He is shy if we go to a new environment or meet new people, but he does okay IF the new place is big and open.  However, if we go to a new place that is kind of a small space (eg, friend's home/living room), he will be a cling-wrap to me for at least 10-15 minutes before he feels comfortable.  Once he's comfortable, however, he is all over the place.  

    Sometimes if we have people come over to our place (not strangers, but people he doesn't see often), he will also cling on to me and stay away from those people initially until he feels comfortable with them... again it can take 10-15 minutes or even longer.
    TTC since 10/2008  RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF

    Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI

    3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c. 

    Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN

    Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23  EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~

    Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
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  • bionic4mebionic4me member
    Honestly, I am the same way... quiet in new & unfamiliar situations, don't enjoy chaos, prefer only talking with 1-2 people at a time, enjoy meeting new people, and can appear quite social as long as the conversations are kept short and I feel up to it. I am not "shy"... just an introvert and there is nothing wrong with that.

    The best description that I have heard is that introverts recharge by taking a step back and extroverts recharge by getting involved. It's just a different approach to meeting our needs.

    As for the class, I don't think it matters one way or another whether to change classes. Follow your motherly instinct and do what feels best for your LO.

     

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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    DS is a very cautious child.  Just to give you an idea, as a toddler, I signed him up for a Kindermusik class.  We met once a week for 15 weeks.  He would not even leave my lap for the first two months.  All the other kids were dancing, clapping, playing with instruments, and exploring the room.  It was painful, but I kept bringing him.  I have always tried to let him be who he is. 

    I give him lots of opportunities to interact with others and explore new things.  Now, at 4.5 years old, he is more comfortable in social situations.  He has tons of friends at school, enjoys his soccer team, and loves playing with his cousins. Not every kid needs to be a social butterfly.
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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  • LyndseylovesHughLyndseylovesHugh member
    edited April 2014
    bionic4me said:

    Honestly, I am the same way... quiet in new & unfamiliar situations, don't enjoy chaos, prefer only talking with 1-2 people at a time, enjoy meeting new people, and can appear quite social as long as the conversations are kept short and I feel up to it. I am not "shy"... just an introvert and there is nothing wrong with that.

    The best description that I have heard is that introverts recharge by taking a step back and extroverts recharge by getting involved. It's just a different approach to meeting our needs.

    As for the class, I don't think it matters one way or another whether to change classes. Follow your motherly instinct and do what feels best for your LO.

    Your LO may just be introverted, like PP is saying. Nothing wrong with that at all! My H is exactly like your LO and is 30. Just keep introducing him to new situations and people and follow his lead.

    Eta: my DD is very social sand extroverted, but if it's super loud and overwhelming she gets quiet and will hang back with me, I think that's totally normal.
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  • divajackie67divajackie67 member
    My son is exactly the same way. I have always described him as cautious as well. It's hard because I feel like there is all this pressure to make him be more social. I tried the Little Gym classes, but honestly he hates them. All the music and singing overwhelms him. He walks up to the window and bangs it saying "Ouuuut"! I stopped taking him, because he seemed miserable.  

    My mother-in-law takes him to the library for story hour and he is pretty good there. He participates and dances. It's definitely more low key and quieter and that works for him. 

    I support my son being an introvert. I try not to pressure him and let him handle things in his own time. His father is an introvert; so I figured there was a 50/50 shot. :)
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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    Nicb13 said:
    emberlee3 said:
    DS is a very cautious child.  Just to give you an idea, as a toddler, I signed him up for a Kindermusik class.  We met once a week for 15 weeks.  He would not even leave my lap for the first two months.  All the other kids were dancing, clapping, playing with instruments, and exploring the room.  It was painful, but I kept bringing him.  I have always tried to let him be who he is. 

    I give him lots of opportunities to interact with others and explore new things.  Now, at 4.5 years old, he is more comfortable in social situations.  He has tons of friends at school, enjoys his soccer team, and loves playing with his cousins. Not every kid needs to be a social butterfly.
    This sounds like my son and I also use "cautious" to describe him. This might just be the way he is and that's ok by me.
    And you've said your LO is a picky eater, too, right?  I think it all goes along with being cautious. 
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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