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Advice needed/Vent re: substance abuse

keags5496keags5496 member
in February 2014 Moms

I'm going to apologize in advance because I have a feeling this is going to be long and rambly because that's kind of how my thoughts are atm.  A bit of back story first...my younger brother (who is 27 now) graduated from college and moved out to Colorado for a few years.  He came back home to CT about a year ago and has been pretty up and down since he got here and has talked about moving back.  I found out yesterday that these movements are tied directly to a problem that he has with prescription pain meds, mainly Percoset. 

Turns out that during college he got hooked on the drug and started to feel really overwhelmed.  We have been raised in a family where addiction is common...my aunt, uncle, and grandfather are all alcoholics and my mom always reminded us growing up that we have addictive personalities and that we needed to be careful.  He got scared and basically "ran away" from the drugs here.  Supposedly he was totally clean while he was away and didn't even think about it (kind of hard for me to believe...but) and decided to come back to his family.  Almost as soon as he came back he fell in with the same crowd and started using again.

Around Christmas this year he confided in my parents that he was addicted to pain meds and wanted help.  He was broke and scaring himself again.  He gave my parents all his passwords to his banking and they've been monitoring him.  He was good for a while, but fell back into using again recently.  He told my parents that he wants to go back out to CO again.  He does not have insurance atm so counseling wouldn't be covered, but he has a job lined up that would give him benefits if he leaves.  Oh, and this is all coming out at the same time that my cousin is coming back from a month and a half stay in rehab for the same addiction.

I'm just at a loss.  I dont' know what to do for him.  I want to be there for him, but I don't want to seem overbearing.  I'm scared to death for him for lots of reasons.  I see why he wants to go and realize that it may be the best decision for him, but it scares me to think he's away from family completely and any support system that he has here.  I also know that when you're off of the pain meds for the first few months your body doesn't produce endorphins and you feel pretty down/depressed.  What if he decided to hurt himself and there wasn't anyone there to stop him?  I'm just so torn for him.  Thoughts?  Advice on how to let him know I'm here for him?  Anything I can do to help him out without counseling?

TIA.  Feel better just having typed it.

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Re: Advice needed/Vent re: substance abuse

  • jrosa1jrosa1 member
    My younger brother also is a drug addict and he got help and relapsed several times. It was heartbreaking to is as a family, but it really is a disease. Unfortunately, unless he really wants to get better, there is nothing you can do. My brother always said a drug addict needs to see life sober as better than life addicted before they will be ready. If he is truly ready, I think just calling him and letting him know you're there if he needs anything is great. You can be a phone call away if he is feeling like he wants the pills again. I totally understand what you're going through and how you're feeling. My brother is in recovery and has been sober for 2.5 years so there is hope! Good luck to you and your family!
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  • keags5496keags5496 member
    @jrosa1 Thanks for the story.  He does seem like he's ready to get better it just is scary to me that he feels the need to go across the country to do so.  I get that he needs to get away from the influences here, but he could just as easily find the influences out there.
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  • keags5496keags5496 member

    I like the idea of a letter for once he moves.  maybe I'll mail it and have it waiting for him when he gets to his new place.  Also, we were just about to ask him to be LOs godfather and I'm wondering if I still should.  My hunch says yes, but I think it'll be a nice positive motivation for him.

     

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  • kathegreatkathegreat member
    Let him know that you are worried about him and love him. It sounds like he really wants to change and that is a good thing. Keep the lines of communication very open with him while he is in CO and either talk to him on the phone or send a quick text but don't make every conversation about his addiction. He is more than addict and hopefully will have more things to look forward to then work or his next high.
    It's so hard when you want to be able to actually do something or help shoulder a burden and it's scary to let people go! By being a support that he can talk to you are doing everything you can. He's got a rough road ahead of him with some pretty tough choices and no one can make them for him.
    The last thing you've got to do is take care of you, you can't be there for anyone if you have nothing left in the tank.
    Praying for you, your brother, and your family!
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  • keags5496keags5496 member
    Madisonpenny said:
    Is your brother willing to go to narcotics anonymous? At least this way he will have a sponsor and have someone he can confide in that knows what he's feeling that isn't family.
    That's an awesome idea...never even thought of that.  He has himself scared enough that I think he'd do that. 
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  • breadpuddingbreadpudding member
    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know all too well how it feels to love someone who is an addict. Apart from your brother seeking help through Narcotics Anonymous (NA), you and your family can also attend Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. It's like AA or NA but its specifically for friends and family of addicts. I've attended MANY of those meetings and it truly will give you a better understanding on how to help the addict in your life, along with helping YOURSELF. They say that when someone you love is on drugs, then everyone close to that person is too. It really effects everyone. And there are so many people there who will know exactly how you feel. It's amazing. Find one in your area and attend just one or two meetings. You will not regret it. Plus they are free.

    The first step (in the 12 step program for addicts) is admitting they have a problem. Your brother has already done that and that is amazing! :)

    The first step (in the 12 step program for loved ones of addicts) is admitting that you are powerless over the situation. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. And once you get through that realization, then things will be much easier.

    You can PM me if you want to talk or if you have any questions. Hang in there. We are all here for you.
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  • mamacrunchmamacrunch member
    keags5496 said:

    @jrosa1 Thanks for the story.  He does seem like he's ready to get better it just is scary to me that he feels the need to go across the country to do so.  I get that he needs to get away from the influences here, but he could just as easily find the influences out there.

    I have had to deal, support, love, help and even turn my back on my oWn mother several times.

    We had been through counseling, jail, and rehab together.
    The best rehabs are out of state where there is no connection to the world of influence.
    So maybe he does need to go across the country to better himself and start over.

    All you need to do is to let him know he is loved and not judged. Even if you do judge, don't let it be known.

    Withdraws are no joke. Its going to be hard and he may need someone to take are of him for a while.

    Is there someone trustworthy in the area he will be to give honest updates? Because changes are your bother is going to say he is fine even if he isn't, because he doesn't want to burden his family and lovedones.
    Understand that as much as you want to help he is going to have to fight this addiction himself, not alone, but by himself.
    i know that seems contradictory, but it will make sense as this battle begins.
    good luck big hugs.

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  • CodypupCodypup member
    Resident alcoholic here to offer hugs and my opinion. First off, it is awesome that your bro is being honest about his drug use. It sounds as if he wants help. I personally had to get sober kicking and screaming, so I admire anyone who actively seeks help.

    However, the fact that your bro wants to relocate again screams of red flags to me, in the sense that it could be what we call "a geographical cure" to his addiction. It's incredibly common among addicts and alcoholics, and most of the time we don't even know we're doing it. We consider it a new start!!!! Or whatever., when in reality, we're only running from ourselves.

    Now what can you do?...unfortunately, not much. This is his personal battle to fight, and it's up to him to get the help he needs. Addiction is a family disease, one that affects each member to different extents. Al Anon might be useful for you. And I also agree that AA or NA would he great for your bro, if he is open to that suggestion.

    AA is the only thing that worked for me personally -- that and long term treatment. I think your bro is on the right track in asking for help though. Big hugs to you. Feel free to PM me of you need to.
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  • keags5496keags5496 member
    Thanks for the insight and suggestions and for sharing your stories. It helps to hear others stories. I have a feeling I may be PMing some of you when I'm not mobile.

    @Avswolf‌ He's going to be in the Boulder area when he heads out. You anywhere near there?
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  • inluv4life2inluv4life2 member
    Hugs! I'm sorry you and your family are dealing with this.
    I hope to create a real siggy but first I need some sleep!

    Mom to Lily and Colin!
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  • gingerm84gingerm84 member
    I'm sorry your family is going through this!
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  • emar129emar129 member
    Has he applied for any reduced insurance thru healthcare.gov? It might be worth a shot. I'm so sorry you and your family are going thru this. I've dealt with addiction in my own family so I can understand the emotions you are feeling. Hoping for the best for him!
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