Would you let little kids hold your newborn?

ss265 · April 2014

So some backstory here. When DS was a month old, SIL wanted her 8 year old daughter to hold him. She didn't ask me or anything, just asked her Mom to hand the baby to her daughter because her daughter wanted to hold the baby. Once her daughter had him, she then mentioned that we should watch her closely to make sure she didn't drop him. WTF?

Now, I admit I don't get along with my SIL. But since that incident, I was really against any of her kids holding DS, even her 10 year old. I should mention that both these girls (8 year old and 10 year old) have a younger sibling so they are used to being around younger babies.

With DS2 on the way, her kids will be 5, 10, and 12 when he is born. I think I will be ok with the 12 year old holding DS2 but I definitely don't want the 5 year old holding him and I'm not sure about the 10 year old (same girl who was 8 when we had DS1). Am I over-reacting just because I don't like my SIL? Any ideas on strategies to avoid the situation? SIL is super sensitive and if I am direct about it, she will likely bitch about it to everyone else behind my back.

ariel06 · April 2014

As long as they are sitting down, have washed their hands, and are supervived closely I have zero issues with kids holding my babies.

flyinmommy · April 2014

I plan to let my older LOs hold baby as long as they are sitting quietly on the couch. I wouldnt be comfortable having them walk around holding him or anything. Maybe after I get more comfortable with the idea and they get some practice, but not from the start.

ss265 · April 2014

jalara48 said:

Did the baby get dropped? Or did she say that just to reassure you that she was being super careful and mindful?

No, the baby didn't get dropped. I don't think she said it to reassure me either - I think she said it because she honestly felt that we should watch her carefully. And yes, her daughter was sitting down while holding the baby.

Sofia2529 · April 2014

ariel06 said:
As long as they are sitting down, have washed their hands, and are supervived closely I have zero issues with kids holding my babies.

This.

mer313131 · April 2014

I'd make sure their hands were washed, they weren't sniffly, etc. and then I would. However, NO kissing or touching on the face. My one friend was really flabbergasted that I wouldn't let her 9 year old daughter kiss my newborn's face, it just seems like a really easy way to spread bodily fluids. No thanks!

I am of the camp "your baby, your rules" so if you aren't comfortable with it, don't allow it!

ss265 · April 2014

Thanks everyone! I will probably discuss this with DH and get his thoughts. I am ok with my BIL's daughters holding DS2 but they are also older and BIL doesn't press the issue. I do agree that I think my feelings for SIL are swaying me - as long as their hands are washed and they are sitting on a couch with one of us next to them, it should be fine.

I think SIL also sensed that I wasn't comfortable with it so she might not push it as hard this time around.

MissMandyD · April 2014

Sofia2529 said:

As long as they are sitting down, have washed their hands, and are supervived closely I have zero issues with kids holding my babies.
This.

Ditto.

Eastie156 · April 2014

MissMandyD said:

Sofia2529 said:

As long as they are sitting down, have washed their hands, and are supervived closely I have zero issues with kids holding my babies.
This.

Ditto.

This.

Firemanswife11 · April 2014

MissMandyD said:

Sofia2529 said:

As long as they are sitting down, have washed their hands, and are supervived closely I have zero issues with kids holding my babies.
This.

Ditto.

Yep.

roundabout2 · April 2014

My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 5 when DD was born. I was OK with them holding her as long as they washed hands, were sitting, and were closely supervised. And I usually had them put a pillow in their lap so baby was up more.

lct2008 · April 2014

If they are sitting down I don't see anything wrong with it. Although I would probably say something like "remember a and b- you're not allowed to pick baby up. You need to ask me or uncle c if you can hold him/ her and we will set you up" Just as a precaution so that there are more set boundaries and would kind of set rules for sil too. My nephew was 5 1/2 when my son was born and we visited when he was a couple months old and I let him hold him while on the sofa. We had his arm propped on a pillow and I was sitting next to him.

heathera1979 · April 2014

Most certainly. I have nieces and nephews ranging in ages 2-18 (the youngest will be 3 by the time LO is born) and I cannot wait to see them all hold their cousin. Of course the young ones will be sitting down with an adult sitting right next to them. The only one that won't hold her is my niece that will be 5 months.

c&bmama0911 · April 2014

My kids will be almost 5 & 3 when baby comes.. they'll definitely be holding him as will our nieces & nephews

when my oldest was like 5 months old my niece was like 7 or 8 and was carrying him around a store and I flipped my lid.. im cool with kids sitting down and holding them.. but not so much carrying them around

ss265 · April 2014

Thank you for all your responses! Thinking about it, the thing that bugged me the most was that she knew it was a risk to let her daughter hold DS but yet didn't even ask me if she could hold him - she just asked my MIL to hand DS to her daughter, almost like it was more important for her daughter to be happy. And while her daughter was sitting down, it was in a dining room chair with arms so no one was directly next to her.

I'm not around kids a lot and honestly have no clue what age is appropriate to hold a baby. My plan with DS2 is to discuss it with DH ahead of time and just set ground rules (hand washing ahead of time, sitting on couch etc.) I appreciate all your feedback though - made me realize that young children holding babies is more common than I thought it was.

Justabean3 · April 2014

I let my 2 yr 2 month old son hold his brother with our assistance and I don't mind older kids as long as there is an adult close by and they are sitting on a cushioned seat like a couch or recliner

angeltennis3 · April 2014

My friend had my husband sit in a chair and put a pillow under his arm when he held their one-day old. Rightfully so since he had never held a newborn before! So I would definitely expect the same of a child!

megsandjohn · April 2014

I let my 2 year old hold his sister when she was born with a lot of assistance! I liked to swaddle her so she was more secure and he had to sit obviously and I was right there hovering. It's different when it's siblings though. They need to bond and feel important as older siblings.

Now my kids will be 6 and 3 when baby comes and they are so excited. It wil be clear that they are NOT to pick up the baby and need to ask to hold baby and be sitting. Rules!

As for other children, it's totally your call! If you're not comfortable with it, you have the right to politely decline! I would say something like sorry honey, her neck is just really fragile right now and it's only safe for adults to hold her. Maybe when she's a bit bigger. Something like that as an out?

ss265 · April 2014

megsandjohn said:

I let my 2 year old hold his sister when she was born with a lot of assistance! I liked to swaddle her so she was more secure and he had to sit obviously and I was right there hovering. It's different when it's siblings though. They need to bond and feel important as older siblings. Now my kids will be 6 and 3 when baby comes and they are so excited. It wil be clear that they are NOT to pick up the baby and need to ask to hold baby and be sitting. Rules! As for other children, it's totally your call! If you're not comfortable with it, you have the right to politely decline! I would say something like sorry honey, her neck is just really fragile right now and it's only safe for adults to hold her. Maybe when she's a bit bigger. Something like that as an out?

Thanks for the suggestion. My SIL is really pushy though and would argue with that response. She would take it personally that I don't want her kids holding my baby. I will probably just say something about not being comfortable with younger kids holding the baby and accept that she will probably not be happy.

kyashley1227 · April 2014

I know my daughter who will be 3 is going to want to hold the baby. I will definitely allow it but she will be supervised while doing it.

toomanycats1 · April 2014

Well, I'm not going to be as nice as everyone else and say that you clearly are letting your judgement be effected by your opinion of your SIL. These are your nieces right? You don't sound very warm and fond of them either. You don't like SIL fine... but you might want to be a little nicer to (as you keep saying) "her kids".

I have a 7 year old and will of course let him hold his baby brother or sister. If you know the kids will want to hold their cousin, then why don't you offer first, and stick nearby to supervise? Make a comment that it's only if you're there, and don't even give SIL the option to be pushy about it.

Obviously it's your business if you want to let them hold him or not, but don't blow this out of proportion and make it a huge family drama. There are worse things you could worry about.

ss265 · April 2014

HelloSweetie1 said:

Well, I'm not going to be as nice as everyone else and say that you clearly are letting your judgement be effected by your opinion of your SIL. These are your nieces right? You don't sound very warm and fond of them either. You don't like SIL fine... but you might want to be a little nicer to (as you keep saying) "her kids".

I have a 7 year old and will of course let him hold his baby brother or sister. If you know the kids will want to hold their cousin, then why don't you offer first, and stick nearby to supervise? Make a comment that it's only if you're there, and don't even give SIL the option to be pushy about it.

Obviously it's your business if you want to let them hold him or not, but don't blow this out of proportion and make it a huge family drama. There are worse things you could worry about.

@HelloSweetie1, I appreciate your candor. And yes, you are right, I am likely letting my feelings for SIL affect my judgement. I have a long history with her, starting from when she tried to get my ILs (her parents) to break up DH and me simply because I am a different race and she didn't think that her brother should be involved with someone of a different race.

And honestly, I am not around older kids/don't know older kids very well and I had no idea if 8 years old is an appropriate age to be holding a baby. And I probably wouldn't have questioned it if not for her comment to watch her daughter closely. It also doesn't help that I had a fear of dropping DS when he was young (and still do, to an extent). It just annoyed me because it seemed that she didn't care about DS's safety and just wanted her daughter to have the experience of holding him. In fact when I told DH about the incident later, he was like "why did she let her hold him in the first place?".

I like your suggestion to offer to have them hold him first and be nearby to supervise. And no I don't want to blow it out of proportion which is why I started this thread to begin with and also why DH and I will discuss it ahead of time so that there will be no surprises.

dreamystarrbaby · April 2014

My daughter was 2 when DS was born and she held him all the time because she loved him so much. She had to wash her hands and sit next to an adult but I dont see why not.

TheOtherJacobsons · April 2014

I was 6 when my brother was born and I was like a second mom to him. I held him, carted him around the house non-stop, changed his diapers. I think children should be given more credit. Make sure that the kid knows how to hold the child, but I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Abjurback · April 2014

When DS1 was born, the girls I nannied (who are like family) wanted to hold him ALL THE TIME. They were 5 and 7 at the time. The rule was that an adult had to be right there, they had to be sitting, and had to wash hands first. They did great! (Although they soon wanted to toss DS around like we did when he got a bit older so we had to have the conversation about only grown ups doing that, as well as carrying him around).

Would you let little kids hold your newborn?

Re: Would you let little kids hold your newborn?

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