newbie (BFP mentioned)

longcat07 · April 2014

hi all. i'm in the process of my first loss, so this is all new territory for me. i have a son from a previous relationship...my husband/his father passed away before he was born, so i raised him on my own for the first 18 months of his life and with my current partner from that point forward. i met my partner when DS was 11-ish months old and we moved in together 7 months later. we've been together three years now and started TTC just after xmas. it was our third cycle when we got our BFP, and my EDD was 12/7. i had a teeny bit of spotting tuesday night, and yesterday i woke up bleeding in earnest. my beta was really low...appropriate for someone 7 or 8 days behind where i was supposed to be gestationally (and i'm counting from my O date, so no LMP confusion). i'm trying hard not to be too devastated, as this is only my first loss and i DO have a healthy 4yo. it just plain sucks, and worse, only i can't really find the words.

we had been trying to tell DS about the impending sibling, but he wasn't really getting it, which i guess now was a blessing in disguise since we don't have to tell him the sad news. i'm just having trouble keeping up with how needy he is right now when all i want to do is crawl in a hole and pretend the world doesn't exist.

Wifey xo · April 2014

I am sorry for what you have gone through, and for what you are going through. Hugs to you, and welcome.

Mom2anAngel2 · April 2014

((HUGS)) I am very sorry for your losses. It is very difficult when dealing with loss and the needs of a living child. Please take the time you need to heal and accept any help that is offered to you. It is worth it.

longcat07 · April 2014

thank you both.

ellebelle2384 · April 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with what @Mom2anAngel2 said. Please take care of yourself. Hugs.

ravenclaw1 · April 2014

I'm sorry for your loss.

You're welcome here, but I do recommend TTCAL once you are ready to start TTC again. A lot of us spent time there and it was very helpful.

km_md · April 2014

Sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. I agree with ravenclaw about also checking out ttcal. It is a great board for when you start to ttc again.

jobiann · April 2014

Please take care of yourself, I wish no one had to experience loss. (((hugs)))

longcat07 · April 2014

i started lurking on TTCAL yesterday, read their rules and the blog and everything. i might start posting in a couple days, when this has resolved.

thank you all.

MJM3108 · April 2014

I am so sorry for your losses, and sending lots of (((hugs))) to you. I also want to let you know that there is a check in here specifically for TTCAL w/ a living child(ren). A lot of the moms from TTCAL joined us over here a few weeks ago, and in addition to the check-in have become active posters on the board in general.

Welcome, though, and GL on you TTC journey!

KJsbabe · April 2014

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for your loss.

longcat07 · April 2014

my beta today was 14, down from 38 two days ago, and the bleeding has let up to light spotting, so i guess the good news is that my body is good at this. i need to get back in touch with the OB on monday anyway to find out when i can start having sex in general again (even protected), but can anyone give me any insight on why he told me in a note with my test results that i should wait a cycle to start trying again? i've been all over the internet and i can't find any real medical reason why it's necessary to wait after an uncomplicated early miscarriage. the consensus on the internet seems to be that it makes a subsequent pregnancy easier to date, but chart anyway (and i always O later than "textbook", except for once). i hate to have wait without even knowing why.

ellebelle2384 · April 2014

With both my losses I was told to wait a cycle before TTC. They were also early (6 weeks and almost 5 weeks) and "uncomplicated" medically. My OB said the wait was because of dating purposes but also because hormone levels may still not be quite evened out. My post-loss charts were all over the place and one was annovulatory so I do believe my OB about that. I know personally that even if I was medically cleared I needed that one cycle emotionally to grieve and focus on taking care of myself. I'm sorry again you're in this place. I wish no one ever was. Hugs.

longcat07 · April 2014

yeah, my partner and i talked about it in depth this morning and we both agreed that we need a little time before the stress of TTC again (he has possible issues so we really pulled out all the stops, and it's exhausting). at the same time, the thought of actively preventing just makes me really, really sad, especially since i can count on one hand the number of times we've used barrier protection since i went on BCP when we got together. it's just a big fat reminder. we've decided that i'll track my BBT so i can tell if/when i ovulate but not bother with the CF and CP this cycle (like i was before), and we'll just NTNP this cycle and revisit it after AF. go with the flow and try to feel normal again. i know my HCG is decreasing rapidly, to the point that my OB is confident i don't need further monitoring, and my BBT should show roughly what my progesterone is doing (seems to be going down slowly right now...it's in the ambiguous range between pre- and post-O temps). the rest, well who knows, i guess.

kbhaynes · April 2014

Mom2anAngel2 said:

((HUGS)) I am very sorry for your losses. It is very difficult when dealing with loss and the needs of a living child. Please take the time you need to heal and accept any help that is offered to you. It is worth it.

Definitely agree with this ^ ...I'm so sorry for your losses ((hugs))

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