Emotional Mess

mvandesteene · March 2014

My baby boy was born one month premature, but mostly pretty healthy. We spent 9 days in the hospital with him, but are doing just fine now. I, however, am not. I know I'm not suffering from post-partum, as I never want to be away from him. I'm mostly pretty happy actually. However for the past month or so I've been getting spikes of focused depression. I truly miss being pregnant. I feel like I missed out on my last month. It really upsets me when I see pregnant people on tv, in public, on Facebook, etc. I'm honestly jealous

Has anyone else gone through this?

KTZ17 · March 2014

Ohhhh yes. This is a pretty common preemie mom affliction. My DD is almost 10 months old and it's still hard for me to be around big pregnant women. I didn't want to go to my SIL's shower or go meet the baby in the hospital because I was jealous. It has gotten slightly better for me over time and I'm holding out hope that I'll go full term when I have another one. It just doesn't help when I'm upset and DH tells me not to be because "she's ok now." It doesn't change that our experience didn't go the way we had hoped and it was really scary and upsetting. I don't think I'll ever be fully okay with what happened, but hopefully it will hurt less with time.

JoJoGee · March 2014

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. All of us end up grieving the birth experience we hoped to have. It will get better over time. But, if it gets in the way of your life. If you end up more depressed than not, I'd urge you to see a counselor.

PhillyGal34 · March 2014

I went through the same thing. I had a 31 weeker and barely had a third trimester. For a long time I was really bitter about that. Ds is almost 2 (how is that possible) and although I'm mostly past it all I still have moments of sadness when I think about that lost pregnancy time. It's completely normal. How old is your son now? I'm on mobile so I can't see the siggy if you have one.

Brummy14 · March 2014

Yup. Absolutely normal. We spent 81 days in the NICU. We've spent the year+ essentially on lock down. We have developmental delays. I don't so much mourn my pregnancy -- granted, I don't have a ton of patience for hearing details of elaborate birth plans or whatever (people can even choose to have a non traumatic birth?!), but now it's how everyone is able to willy nilly take their little babies all over the place into public places, see friends, and not have weekly doc visits...all of the additional baggage that comes with a pair of 29weekers. It gets better, but it will certainly never go away, I'm sure.

JEPES1348 · March 2014

Same here. LO was a 32 weeker and I feel like I missed out. I was pregnant with 2 other co workers and we were all do within the sane 2 weeks. They made it to term. We even had a joint baby shower at work which was held 3 days after my baby was born. I'm truly not upset about that at all, by the way. My baby was in the NICU but thriving. Now I have a other pregnant co worker who just made it to 33 weeks. I just "made it" like it's something that's achieved rather than the norm! That's how it feels. Of course I'm elated that all of their babies are developing well and were or likely will be full term, but it still makes me feel a little sad inside. I actually long to be pregnant again so I can have a do-over that works out more the way I expected.

KTZ17 · March 2014

Hugs, @MaiTaiBeth‌. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope the steroids help Fiona along. My thoughts and prayers are with you, as always.

Tylynngrace · March 2014

Definitely! I get irrationally irritated when I see my friends go full term even though I don't wish having a preemie on anyone. I had my baby boy at 27 weeks and I honestly hardly remember pregnancy because it was so short for me. I'm so jealous seeing how big everyone's belly got because mine wasn't very big at all. I guess jealousy is very common in preemie moms, and mourning the loss of a term pregnancy is normal.

LucyRicardo3 · March 2014

I've been through this with my twins and my last singleton.
I think what makes the disappointment worse, for me at least, is when uneducated people try and downplay what you and your baby/entire family went through (ie, my Father in law said out loud that all that was wrong with my son was Colic?!)
or things like: that you are a crazy germophobe because you won't take your baby out or let non-flu shot people around you
or many other unimaginable things...
hugs!!!

mvandesteene · March 2014

My son is 6 weeks 4 days. Time sure does fly!

@MaiTaiBeth‌ I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss and current situation. I feel bad for even starting this thread now- my situation was so much more ideal than all of yours. I pray your baby girl makes it and comes out strong!

You're all such strong mammas- I hope I can learn to be as strong as you, and quick.

abwatts · March 2014

Im sorry your feeling this way, but so normal. I described it to my doctor as mourning my 3rd trimester. I could not look at pictures if myself pregnant until recently without breaking down in tears. I'm jealous of all my friends reaching full term, knowing that their babies get to stay with them in the hospital room and even better go home with them. It's hard not to... But then I think about how God trusted me and my husband enough to know we could handle this, and we are getting to witness His miracle everyday.

@MaiTaiBeth‌ huge hugs and prayers. You are just an inspiration

mvandesteene · March 2014

@MaiTaiBeth‌ absolutely no need to apologize. I'm sure "having a bad day" doesn't even begin to describe your feelings or predicament.

MinaE01 · March 2014

I totally understand what you're feeling. I was wildly jealous at all the women who were still pregnant or getting pregnant (which seemed like EVERYONE!) after I gave birth 7.5 weeks early. Time certainly helps. Taking to other preemie moms helps, too. Try to focus on the fact that LO is healthy and thriving and that is the most important thing of all!

cukimerrydoll · March 2014

JEPES1348 said:

Same here. LO was a 32 weeker and I feel like I missed out. I was pregnant with 2 other co workers and we were all do within the sane 2 weeks. They made it to term. We even had a joint baby shower at work which was held 3 days after my baby was born. I'm truly not upset about that at all, by the way. My baby was in the NICU but thriving. Now I have a other pregnant co worker who just made it to 33 weeks. I just "made it" like it's something that's achieved rather than the norm! That's how it feels. Of course I'm elated that all of their babies are developing well and were or likely will be full term, but it still makes me feel a little sad inside. I actually long to be pregnant again so I can have a do-over that works out more the way I expected.

This! Including the do-over part. After pregnancy losses followed by our NICU twins, I have my days where it's hard and jealousy takes over. It sucks. I'm still in my grieving period with my pregnancy for sure: our MoDi twins had so many in utero complications that I'm definitely mourning the romantic to-term-happy-birth scenario (The credit card commercial with the new mom in a wheelchair holding two babies made me cry). But I'm so thankful that my boys seem to have beaten the odds and are really doing well.

gault530 · March 2014

This happened to me after my twins were born. In fact, I had to see a different OB for my numerous follow up appointments because seeing the one that delivered the twins was too hard. It was hard to see anyone pregnant. I talked with a therapist which helped me to move forward.

Your feelings are totally normal.

femininecomplex · April 2014

Yes. And I'm still in denial sometimes. It took me the longest time to come back to thebump and read the forums, because just reading about baby development reminds me of the trauma of having given birth at 26 weeks. I cried uncontrollably the other day because my LO is showing signs of motor/speech development. I try so hard no to compare the LO to other babies born around the same time, but it's often difficult.

For the most part, when I have my moments, they all melt away when I look at the LO's face and bright smile! He's been such a trooper.

Bluebird2318 · April 2014

I felt the same way for the first year or so after DD was born. I couldn't read about pregnancies without feeling some jealousy but it did get easier over that time. It's normal and you are allowed to feel that way!

@MaiTaiBeth Thinking of you as always! That sounds like an incredibly rough day; I am so sorry. (((Hugs!)))

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