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NWMR at all- Wedding Gifts/Showers

mlee116mlee116 member
in Working Moms
I know this should probably go on the Knot but I'm going to post it here anyways :)  It's been awhile since I've known anyone that has gotten married and I feel clueless.  I have a friend who is getting married soon and my family was invited to the wedding plus four different showers.  The showers all had different gift themes like outdoor/yard stuff, stock the bar, etc.  I've only gone to one shower so far and that may be the only one I go to because of scheduling conflicts with other events.  So my question: should I get them a gift for all the showers?  Or give a wedding gift in addition to the shower gift I've already given her? 

I want to be generous and not come off as a cheapskate, but four showers seems like a lot to me.  What do you all normally do?
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Re: NWMR at all- Wedding Gifts/Showers

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  • *sparky**sparky* member
    Totally agree with the PPs - no need to go to all four showers or buy gifts for all of them.  It is in poor taste to invite people to multiple showers to begin with.  Yes, you should still give a wedding gift in addition to the shower gift, but it does not have to be $$$$ if you already went all out on the shower gift.

     

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  • jf198400jf198400 member
    I agree with the others, one shower gift is it and one wedding gift. It is also generally considered rude to dictate what type of gifts your guests give you, so don't feel pressured to follow their theme.
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  • shannmshannm member
    In that situation, I would go to one shower and buy one shower gift. Then a wedding gift. That's it.
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  • mlee116mlee116 member


    K3am said:
    Yep, I'd only plan on going to ONE shower and taking ONE gift. Usually multiple showers are done because either they can't fit a huge crowd or they're hosted by different folks... A church shower, a work shower, a college friends shower type shindig.. I'm hoping they just didn't realize that you overlapped into four categories. 

    Chances are, the bride's not even sure you were invited to all four, so I'd pick one and run with it.

    Well, most of the showers were organized by the same groups so I'm pretty sure they realized it. I was also invited to an out of town bachelorette party but I declined because if I'm being honest, it's just not in our budget right now and I'd rather be able to give them a nice gift for their wedding instead.   



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  • mlee116mlee116 member
    Ok, now I don't feel bad for not going to the other showers!  I'm going to get them a wedding gift and call it a day :)
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  • jobiannjobiann member
    I agree with PP, I in no way would feel bad for ditching the other showers. Someone is being gift grabby...

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  • rubber_chickenrubber_chicken member
    I'm kind of side eyeing the bride (or maybe her friends who planned it).  I can't imagine being the type of person who wants to sit through four different bridal showers.
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  • Virgo17Virgo17 member
    Four showers!!!!  That is ridiculous.  If you want to have a theme, you pick ONE theme for your ONE shower.  You don't get to have a shower for each room of your house, jesus.

    Buy one shower gift and one wedding gift.  I usually opt for a card with $$ for the wedding because it is easy to bring and easy for the bride and groom to transport after the wedding.  I think $50 is standard, but would do $100 for a closer friend/family member.
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  • VORVOR member
    mlee116 said:
     
    Well, most of the showers were organized by the same groups so I'm pretty sure they realized it.
    While I had a feeling that SOMEONE knew that the same people were being invited to more than one shower, the fact that this is involving numerous people who clearly know... even more obnoxious.  It's just down right greedy.
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  • FemShepFemShep member
    Wow, SO tacky. As PP has said, you should never dictate the kind of gifts you want. And 4 showers?!?! Trying to give your friend (or her friends) the benefit of the doubt, but it sounds incredibly gift-grabby. Definitely don't feel obligated to go to all of the showers, and don't ever feel obligated to spend more than you can afford on a gift.
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  • mlee116mlee116 member
    K3am said:
    Yikes.. The further I get from planning my wedding, the more ridiculous the whole wedding concept gets. Every one of my friends to get married seems to be asking more and more. 

    I just want to shout at them! "No, honey, the world does not revolve around you. It's nice you're getting married, I'm truly happy for you, and I'd love to celebrate with you! But I don't want to go out of town for your engagement party, your bridal shower, then do a weekend in Vegas with bottle service for your bachelorette, followed by a week long trip to Puerto RIco for your wedding.. I have a family, a house, and a 401k, all of which things I'm trying to grow!" 
    I know, right?! I'm really excited for her and am more than happy to give her a nice gift but damn. I'd even be willing to go to all four showers and go all out if we were close, but we're not!  I'm glad I'm not the only one side-eyeing them.
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  • mae0111mae0111 member
    mlee116 said:
    K3am said:
    Yikes.. The further I get from planning my wedding, the more ridiculous the whole wedding concept gets. Every one of my friends to get married seems to be asking more and more. 

    I just want to shout at them! "No, honey, the world does not revolve around you. It's nice you're getting married, I'm truly happy for you, and I'd love to celebrate with you! But I don't want to go out of town for your engagement party, your bridal shower, then do a weekend in Vegas with bottle service for your bachelorette, followed by a week long trip to Puerto RIco for your wedding.. I have a family, a house, and a 401k, all of which things I'm trying to grow!" 
    I know, right?! I'm really excited for her and am more than happy to give her a nice gift but damn. I'd even be willing to go to all four showers and go all out if we were close, but we're not!  I'm glad I'm not the only one side-eyeing them.
    You're better than me!  I was a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding.  She had an engagement party (potluck); Bridesmaid dinner (potluck); shower (100 people); brunch and dress shopping; bachelorette complete with strippers (!!!).  By the time we got to the potluck bridal brunch the week before, I'd had it.  I also refused to get a hotel room for $300 when I was 30 minutes from home. 

    I love her, but d@mn!  That wedding was expensive for me!
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  • rubber_chickenrubber_chicken member

    mae0111 said:
    You're better than me!  I was a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding.  She had an engagement party (potluck); Bridesmaid dinner (potluck); shower (100 people); brunch and dress shopping; bachelorette complete with strippers (!!!).  By the time we got to the potluck bridal brunch the week before, I'd had it.  I also refused to get a hotel room for $300 when I was 30 minutes from home. 

    I love her, but d@mn!  That wedding was expensive for me!
    Not only is all that nonsense expensive, but it's time consuming.  Who the hell wants to spend that much time celebrating someone?  Maybe this is just the introvert in me talking, but all those mandatory social events sound exhausting.  It's like having a genie - you get three wishes, three parties (shower, bachelorette, wedding). No wishing for more wishes! YOU DON"T GET UNLIMITED PARTIES. 
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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    VOR said:
    OMG.  That's actually REALLY rude of them to invite you to FOUR showers.  Guests should only be invited to ONE shower.  ONE.

    So- no, I absolutley would not go nor would I give a gift for every shower.  Absolutely not.  You've given your one gift.

    But yes, you should also give a wedding gift.  But it doesn't have to be $$$$.

    I agree with this 100%.  I've never ever heard of someone having 4 showers.  That's ridiculous. 
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