Need to "say" this "out loud"

ks3pink · April 2014

Ok, so I had my tubes tied with my c/s with the twins. I agreed we were done. DH also wants a vasectomy to be double sure and has recently found out it's not nearly as expensive as he thought. He is all jacked up to get it done ASAP.

I know we are done. Logically, financially and physically there is no way we should have more than three kids, and three is what I wanted. I know I do not want another baby. But something in me is so afraid of the complete finality of it all. It seems so silly when I've already had my tubes tied and know there should be no more.

I think I am mourning that third pregnancy experience because I got hit with twins and we had to buy a house and ended up living with my parents. I've never gotten to create the nursery of my dreams and relax in my own home while waiting for baby to arrive. I think I feel like I've missed out on something. Silly, I know.

The pregnancy with the boys was so hard and not what I expected. I am having a hard time with the finality of it never being again although I don't want another pregnancy. Am I losing it? Is this normal? Ugh.

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · April 2014

I think it's totally normal! Everything we are taught as women about the pregnancy experience tells us, you will get pregnant (and many can't), you will have a baby (many are lost), you will gain only 10-15lbs (yea right), you will make up your dream nursery and nest for 9 whole months (wtf it's really 10), and then you will have a beautiful birth exactly according to your birth plan and take home your sweet baby, breast feeding like a champ. (HAH)

Then reality hits and it's nothing like what we've been told. I know exactly how you feel! Like we missed out on this great amazing thing that isn't real. I think society has set the bar so high for the pregnancy and birth experience that we are set up to be disappointed. I mourn my birth experience because it was traumatic to me and nothing like I expected it. And don't get me started on expectations for postpartum.

In short, your feelings are totally warranted and you're not the only one!

SJandVA · April 2014

I think it's completely normal. As women I think we are hardwired to want babies. I had my tubes tied with my second. For a multitude of reasons. But every once in a while I think I could have had more. But then I remind myself of why we made the decision and that decision is right for us.

sdlaura · April 2014

I think it's totally normal. I think a lot of women feel 'robbed' of the ideal pregnancy experience - I know I do because of all the worry over DS's heart defects. I wish I wouldn't have found out so early (26 weeks) because there was no certainty in how severe they were until he was born anyway, and all i did for the last 3.5 months of my pregnancy was worry. That definitely contributes to my thoughts about having a third baby sometime in the future.

ks3pink · April 2014

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone or out of my mind! @nobadwriting I must have missed it, are you having two girls?? Your pregnancy feels like it is flying by to me (I'm sure not to you haha).

MoFree · April 2014

Everyone's feelings are valid. If I were a normal fertile person I might feel differently and the way all the PPs do, but the way I see things it must be a wonderful feeling to have a complete family and to be able to focus on the next phase of life. Frankly I can't wait for that time to come in my life.

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