"No gifts" birthday - Update

melissa0726 · April 2014

We got invited to a birthday party for the four year old son of one of my MOMS Club friends, and the invitation says no gifts necessary. I was also talking with the mom a couple weeks ago and she brought up the party and mentioned that she really doesn't want/need any gifts for him, they have enough "stuff" and they really just want to celebrate with his friends.

I feel really weird showing up empty handed to a kid's bday party. Would you still bring a gift anyway? I was thinking I might just get a card and include a TRU gift card. That way he can pick something out, or they can put it towards the purchase of a large ticket item.

Update: The mom just emailed all the parents with the party itinerary. It is being held at the local Little Gym, to which I have never been, but DH and I were excited to check it out. Well, her email talked about the kids that are 3 and over being the ones who will participate in the gym activities. I never even thought to ask if DD1 was too young to participate in the party! .I emailed her back for clarification, but I have a feeling we're not going to end up going. There is no way I'm taking her to a gym, and then trying to explain why she can't go and run and play with all of her other friends.

MrsCase1 · April 2014

For a while there everyone over here said no gifts. Now they all specify a charity that has a need (i.e. laundry soap, blankets, etc.) and ask you to contribute to that. I shall refrain from adding anything further.

melissa0726 · April 2014

MrsCase1 said:

For a while there everyone over here said no gifts. Now they all specify a charity that has a need (i.e. laundry soap, blankets, etc.) and ask you to contribute to that. I shall refrain from adding anything further.

Ok...I have to ask...do you think this is weird? Does anyone else find this strange? It is so odd to me!

MrsCase1 · April 2014

@melissa0726 OK, well, let me preface this by saying I think it is important to instill charitable giving and service of others into our children. That said, I do not think a birthday party is the way to do it and I don't think that a young toddler "gets it." I find it purely ridiculous, since you asked. We routinely donate stuff and Lincoln helps me sort it out and hopefully over his childhood he will see us serving others with money, items and time. I really just don't think stockpiling laundry detergent at his birthday party proves any sort of useful point.

melissa0726 · April 2014

Ok, good news, the mom had just worded the email weirdly. Turns out they are having a lot of kids, so the kids over 3 will be going in without parents and the gym is running the party like an actual class. But for kids under 3, the parents are still welcome with their kids. It sounds like they were just worried about having too many parents clog up the gym space.

Kimbus22, the only reason I had thought she might not be allowed to participate was because of a similar situation with another party recently. It was at a different gym. The main gym is for kids 3 and older and they have a separate small space for kids under 3. All of DD's "friends" have turned 3 already, so there was no way I was taking her to that party where all her friends would have been going to the main play space, and she would be stuck with the infants in the "baby" area.

melissa0726 · April 2014

@MrsCase1 i completely agree with you, I just don't "get" the idea of tying in the charity with the bday party itself. I think a far better avenue to teach your child about charitable giving is to sort out some old toys for donation after the kid gets a new haul of toys for their bday.

Also agree with @kimbus22 that I don't like the idea of being forced to contribute to a charity that is not of my choosing, that rubs me the wrong way.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · April 2014

Funny you should bring this up, as DD1 just went to a party last weekend where the mom insisted that we don't bring a gift. It felt weird, but the birthday boy (he was turning 5) didn't seem to mind at all. His immediate family had brought gifts, it was just the friends who were asked not to bring anything - again, it felt weird to show up empty handed, but it all worked out.