opinion?

KateJuly2013 · April 2014

this article was posted on my Le Leche League facebook page. Any thoughts? I cant decide if I like it or not.

https://www.womensagenda.com.au/guilt-free-zone/parenting/what-no-one-tells-you-about-motherhood/201401083401#.U0bQANNOnFr

KMRR86 · April 2014

It doesn't sit right with me. :-q

KateJuly2013 · April 2014

KMRR86, me niether but I do think she had a few points. But I get the opinion that she is poo poo-ing PPD...? Perhaps im being over sensitive.

Married071709 · April 2014

I feel those feelings she described but I have PPD. I also just skimmed through the last part.

coco2787 · April 2014

I think she makes some valid points, especially about the culture of child-rearing being less communal and sometimes being a lonely existence. I'm not sure the problem is that we didn't help raise siblings or that we are selfish until we become parents.

I think that if she went around telling people how miserable she was that it's no surprise people thought she was depressed. People gush about the joys of parenthood because the good stuff outweighs the bad (unless you're depressed). I don't think anyone says it's easy though. I can relate to a lot of the feelings she had, but I'm not sure there was really anything that would have better prepared me for them.

Also agree with PP that it seems like she's bashing legit PPD which definitely rubs me the wrong way.

coco2787 · April 2014

Mamasighs said:
I don't even want to read it if she's taking the stance that PPD isn't "real". Bullshit. I lived it and it is horrible.

Basically she's saying it's normal to feel a lot of the feelings moms with PPA/PPD feel because we're not adequately prepared for parenthood and we don't have the help that we used to. Then she would get upset when people suggested she was depressed because she complained about not enjoying motherhood.

opheliainwaders · April 2014

I think she did a poor job making her point (which was that admitting to the highs AND lows of motherhood isn't easy in a culture where we're unprepared for parenthood). I also think she definitely didn't have depression, as she clearly misunderstands what it is. That said, I think she had some good point about the lack of support networks, and the fact that we're just supposed to "know" how to take care of a baby (there's a difference between going with your gut, which I think is good, and assuming you can parent entirely on instinct, which I think almost no one believes.

I guess what really bugged me about this article, apart from tone, was that it basically left me saying, "well, yeah. This is not news."

shara3333 · April 2014

I personally didn't take it as PPD isn't real. I took it as you're allowed to say its hard, I want some time to myself, I miss having no responsibility, etc... Without people saying you are depressed. I don't agree with all she said, but I do find that most people around me don't complain much and made it seem like they never had any of the issues or thoughts I had. I don't think I had PPD but I did have a few emotional weeks after giving birth and it could have went to PPD if it lasted. I felt like I couldn't vent to some friends. Luckily DH wanted to hear it all to make sure I was ok. His aunt had PPD and he definitely was worried about that.

KMRR86 · April 2014

I think it's poorly written and thought out and maybe that's why it doesn't click with me.

KateJuly2013 · April 2014

I really identified with the paragraph where she talked about only associating with those few "honest" people. People who arent judgey about complaining every now and again that motherhood isn't always giggles and sunshine.
a good friend had a babe in Sept and she has nothing but glowing things to say about being a mom. She gives me pity eyes when I comment that maggie didnt STTN or dh and I arent dtd very much anymore, etc etc. Needless to say we dont hang out very much anymore.

PrimRoseMama · April 2014

I like the general approach. I'm not sure that she is saying PPD isn't real as much as Motherhood isn't all kittens & sunshine all the time. That occasionally or even frequently feeling stressed with Motherhood doesn't mean you need mental help.

I didn't see it has knocking mothers that need help with PPD but simply that it's real up in here & that's ok.

mdlorenz · April 2014

PrimRoseMama said:
I like the general approach. I'm not sure that she is saying PPD isn't real as much as Motherhood isn't all kittens & sunshine all the time. That occasionally or even frequently feeling stressed with Motherhood doesn't mean you need mental help.

I didn't see it has knocking mothers that need help with PPD but simply that it's real up in here & that's ok.

^ Agreed.

She was a bit rambly but that happens from time to time when you've got a tiny human being to think about.

I do think there's quite a culture shift that comes with having children. She equated the autonomy of pre-baby adulthood to selfishness (which may not sit right with people but feels true to me) and summarized the post-baby cluelessness in a way I haven't seen other people describe it. Could she have been a little more gentle about the reality of PPD/PPA? Sure. But the overall message (again, noted above re: lack of kittens and sunshine 24/7) IMHO is an important one.

merc5411 · April 2014

I should probably re-read it more carefully because I fot the impression she was saying ppa/ppd aren't real, that it's just "normal" for mothers to struggle with a newborn. And that makes me really stabby.

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