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s/o WM vs SAHM...

djm31012djm31012 member
in Working Moms
Curious what everyones hours are like? I am gone 60-65 hrs per week including commuting times. I have no option for working part time or flexibility to work from home. I do have a very lucrative career that allows us many luxuries (some we take advantage of, some we dont...i would say we live slightly above moderate).  Because of my hours, I dont think my job is sustainable for the long run. Taking a few years off would definitely be a major set back but I dont physically think I can have multiple children and work like I do. I have done this for 10  years, I have a degree from a great school and I am glad I have utilized that. I dont feel like less of a person for considering staying home at some point , though I am conservative and really like having the double income and insurance incase we ever needed it. But there were many comments on the previous thread about the only people staying home being uneducated women and those with college degrees want to use it, etc. I am curious how many of you sustain a successful career because you have the option of going part time/working from home, etc. How many of you work 60+ hour weeks like I do consistently (not talking for a 2 month busy period) and feel like you can keep doing it for another 20 years? This is just me laying thoughts out on the table....not looking to start an argument. My girlfriends that work and have good careers mostly have some type of flexbility or are planning to stay home when number 2 comes, etc. So thats what got me thinking when I saw everyone elses responses.
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Re: s/o WM vs SAHM...

  • 88sharonlee88sharonlee member
    To add to the conversation, but agreed not to start a debate on which is better or what anyone else should do, I am gone consistently 55-58 hours a week including commutes.
    I just started back at work and only have my one LO.

    I have a masters degree and am still paying off student loans so it would pain me to not work in my career field because I like feeling like I'm putting my degree to good use, especially since I'm still paying for it!

    I also do like my job and the type of work I do, however it's not particularly high paying which is frustrating because it is stressful and everyone in my industry works pretty hard.

    All this said I don't think ever not working is a financial option for us, now or in the future. I also personally wouldn't be happy as a full SAHM. My profession does allow some flexibility and so if we have another child and finances made sense I would consider going down to 4 days a week.

    I'm more likely to change jobs so my commute is better in the future. I think ideally I would have a second kid, find a job within 25 minutes from home and also go down to a 4 day week.

    That would be my ideal, but I do agree that being gone 60+ hours a day all the time would not be a good life/work balance for me if I had multiple children.
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  • mlee116mlee116 member
    I have a 8-5 job for the most part, except during busier times.  I definitely sacrificed a bigger paycheck though bc most of the people I went to school with make more $ than I do, but they think 40 hrs would be like vacation.  They also don't have families yet either so they can do that.  

    I would love to work PT and I did for a year, but it just got to the point where it wasn't worth it bc of DC/gas.  I could see myself staying here even with multiple kids because the hours are pretty regular and we have a good amount of PTO.  But really, the biggest thing that helps me is that DH is a teacher and he has an awesome schedule.  The fact that he leaves early everyday and gets a lot of time off makes life so much less stressful for our family. I get that this isn't the case for everyone though. 

    I don't think there's anything at all wrong with a parent SAH with their children if they have degrees/a successful career *IF* you can afford it.  In fact, I think its a beautiful sacrifice.  IMO, your education will enrich the lives of your children too if you are at home with them.  What I don't understand is the people who can't afford it but do it anyways.  Personally, working 60 hrs a week would not be worth it to me.  I'd have to make changes by either working PT or finding a job with less OT because I just need that work life balance.  
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  • djm31012djm31012 member

    Ok-so most people seem on the same page as me.  I have often felt like the minority on this board, but I am glad to see I was mistaken!  I will never regret this time here and DS is doing amazing at daycare/with my sister in law. But as he gets older and we talk about having more kids...it just doesnt seem physically possible. People say to me "get a live in."  Sure, I could do that..many people do...but i have no interest..that would not make DH, myself or DS happy and fulfilled.

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  • djm31012djm31012 member
    LibraryChica said:
    I wouldn't want to work 60 hours a week even if I didn't have kids. I have zero desire to stay home and I enjoy my job -- but I work 40 hours most weeks and have solid benefits. I used to have a lengthy commute, but we moved and it's been a major benefit to our quality of life. My husband works much longer hours, but he is self-employed and his hours are flexible. Could you get a job with regular hours rather than quit altogether or is that not doable in your field? Could you move closer to work? Honestly, I only know a handful of people IRL who work those kinds of hours. Most people I know work 40-50 and that's the standard full-time.
    The jobs that are less hours are much less money than what I make. I can not move closer to work either, I work in NYC, any suburb has an hour+ commute, and I dont want to live or raise kids in the city. That is where I struggle. Its almost worth it to grind through for another few years then just stay home...bc I would make more in 1 year here than I would in probably 5 at a different job. I like working, I think my ideal would be to find a job thats 3 days a week so I can still have good time with DS. But again, the money then would probably not be worth it.
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  • DaisyJanieDaisyJanie member
    I work no more than 40 hours a week, and commute is like 20 minutes unless I do daycare dropoff. So about 45 hours a week. Very doable. I've really never considered staying home, and my schedule certainly makes it easier to continue to work. My husband works a little more hours, but some of those can be done from home. I do think we have a very nice setup. We both prioritized a lower-stress job over making a ton of money, partly due to our plans of having a family, and partly because I really just can't handle a lot of stress. 
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  • ss265ss265 member

    I work from 8-5 but have an hour commute so I am away from the home from 7-6 everyday. DH has a 30 minute commute so he is away from the house from around 7:30am-5:30pm everyday. If you include commuting time, it's 55 hours a week. I do work from home one day a week but mainly to get a break from the commute. Work/life balance is incredibly important to both DH and me though and even before we had kids, we rarely worked 60 hours a week. At one point in my career, I had to work those kinds of hours and it caused a strain in my relationship with DH (when we were dating) and I was unhappy so I switched jobs.

    For me personally, hours are important but so is the flexibility to be able to work from home. That way, if I do have to work longer hours, I am not forced to stay at the office longer but can go home and spend time with LO and then log on at night to continue working.

    And honestly, staying at home was not an option for me. My parents are divorced and my Mom always stressed that it is important to be financially independent of your husband. Working and earning my own money is just too much a part of my identity and I could never give that up. FWIW, we are expecting #2 later this year and I am not planning to change my hours.

     

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  • jlaOKjlaOK member
    I WFH part-time (32/hours per week).  I went to PT when I had DS because it was doable in my field and DH and I could afford it.  Although we make decent money we also live in a very low cost of living area, have no debt besides our mortgage, and have lived in our "starter home" longer than expected in order to save money.  I have plans to add hours as the kids get older and eventually work full-time.  Luckily both DH and I have flexible schedules.  I personally don't think I could work 50+hour weeks but that is mostly because I have never had to and it's not super common in my industry.

    We live very comfortably but we do live on a strict budget.  Although I sometimes think about what we could be doing with the additional FT salary I don't think I'll ever regret choosing to work PT while the kids are young.
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  • mae0111mae0111 member
    Before kids, I consistently worked 7:30-5:30 m-f with an hour commute each way.  I also had calls with our global offices a few times per week between 8 and 11pm.  There were may Friday nights spend working on a release for one of our sites that would go from 7pm-2am.  DH worked similar hours, and traveled a ton.

    After DD1, I started WFH 2 days a week.  It has made a world of difference.  My days in the office are long because of the commute, but only doing it 3 days a week makes it easier.  Also, DH and I stagger our hours, so he leaves the house by 5am and gets home by 5pm to relieve the nanny when he's not traveling

    Honestly, it's getting harder for me to WFH on my scheduled days.  Even with my WFH days, I haven't been mommytracked.  My company encourages flexible work arrangements.  DH and I both got promotions in the last couple of months.  Even with our nanny, I'm starting to feel like this isn't sustainable.  I'm considering taking a step back and finding a job closer to home, but I'm going to stick it out for at least 5 more years due to my comp structure.  I'd be leaving a ton of money in deferred comp if I left now.

    Could you find another job in your industry that would allow for more flexibility?  I've found that's key.  Also, having a nanny has been wonderful for us.  She's reliable, flexible, the kids are thriving, and she does some minor household work for us (kids laundry, tidies up, cooks now and then).  She does NOT live in.  I would hate that too!  She lives about 10 mins away with traffic.
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  • SoMoNYSoMoNY member
    I'm gone 7-7 Mon- Fri, that includes commute.

    I have no plans on altering this schedule in the next few years because I enjoy what I do and I'm well paid which should allow me to move to consulting role a decade from now where I'll make the same good money but with a better schedule and no mortgage to worry about. 

    When the grind gets to be too much I book a vacation and in the summer I work from home/am off nearly every Friday so I can get more time with the kids.


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  • NavyMom77NavyMom77 member
    I was working M-F 8-5 with a one hour commute before DD was born last fall. The previous spring, my company started restricting any flexibility for hours (come in early to leave a bit early, etc) which made getting to DS activities difficult. DH is military so due to his hours I'm usually on my own for drop offs and pick ups. After DD was born, I decided I couldn't keep up that schedule on my own and stay sane. Plan A was to cut back my hours, Plan B to SAH for a year and work on my grad degree. My company was willing to negotiate Plan A, so now I work 30 hours/wk M-Th, with the days a bit shorter and Thursday as a WFH day. Helps a lot and I feel like it's a good balance for now.
    Mom to DS - 9/24/2005 Ectopic Pregnancy - 5/7/2012 Miscarriage - 12/13/2012. Mom to DD - 9/13/2013
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  • sugarbear0524sugarbear0524 member
    edited April 2014
    I have a great work situation. I work about 35 hours per week with full time benefits. My son goes to preschool next door and we live about 5 minutes away.

    Due to health issues, I can't do the long hours and corporate travel like I once did. I no longer have a "career", I have a job. This job is very fulfilling but not challenging. It will not get me promoted or further up the ladder and the pay isn't what I used to make. But I love it and it offers my family the kind of lifestyle that we want. 
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  • *sparky**sparky* member

    I am definitely mommy-tracked at this point in my career, but with DH's schedule I had to go PT because we were realy struggling.  DH is on a 4-yr project that keeps him staying OOT a couple of nights a week and out of the house from 6 am - 7 pm the days he does not stay over.

    I was working FT (and making more than DH) but was gone about 60 hours a week and one week a month I was working until midnight or 1 am, so close to 80 hours.  We only had one child, but wanted to have a second and everyone was dying with the schedules we had.

    DH's job is more stable and lucrative long-term, so I cut back to 24 hours a week in the office.  I am lucky in that my company was willing to work with me and I still make a nice salary, but it cost me roughly $80K/yr in salary and bonuses.  It was well worth it though - my only other option would have been to quit and I do enjoy working and contributing financially to our family.

    Once DH is back on a local project, we will reassess.  I think how much time your SO spends out of the house factors a lot into this decision. 

     

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  • djm31012djm31012 member
    my DH works about the same amount of hours as i do (sometimes more) but its different hours. I leave before 6am and get home around 545/6pm most nights..he leaves around 715, does drop offs and he gets home usually btwn 7 and 8, twice a week will make it home for 645 to put DS to bed.  I agree...if one parent worked less it would make it much easier...thats just not our situation and unfortunately I dont have that flexbility.
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  • jf198400jf198400 member
    I have always been in a 40hr/ week type job. I used to commute an hour each way, which got to be too much after having kids. After my 2nd ML I dropped down to 4 days/week which I loved! But I still couldn't handle the commute so I changed jobs closer to home. I found a new job with a 20min commute and went back to FT. I switched jobs again but still have a short commute. My schedule isn't bad, but it's still hard b/c DH isn't able to help at all. He works in NYC and between work and the insane commute is generally gone 13-14hrs a day M-F. We are now pregnant with baby #3 and I know that I cannot manage to work FT and take care of 2 young kids and a baby by myself, I'm at my limit now. So I plan to SAH for a few years.

    I think I could handle working PT or even FT if we as a family had a better work life balance. DH makes almost twice as much as I do and carries the benefits, his job is the priority. Working in NY absolutely sucks, there's nowhere that we can move to that would make his commute less than an hour minimum. But he wouldn't make anywhere near as much money if he looked for a job here in PA.

    I also am not happy/satisfied in my career (even though I am using one of my degrees). I would like to take time off to reevaluate what I want to do with my life. Once my kids are in school I'd like to make a career change and try something new. So that also plays into my decision to leave and SAH.
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  • rockychryslerb2010rockychryslerb2010 member
    djm31012 said:
    LibraryChica said:
    I wouldn't want to work 60 hours a week even if I didn't have kids. I have zero desire to stay home and I enjoy my job -- but I work 40 hours most weeks and have solid benefits. I used to have a lengthy commute, but we moved and it's been a major benefit to our quality of life. My husband works much longer hours, but he is self-employed and his hours are flexible. Could you get a job with regular hours rather than quit altogether or is that not doable in your field? Could you move closer to work? Honestly, I only know a handful of people IRL who work those kinds of hours. Most people I know work 40-50 and that's the standard full-time.
    The jobs that are less hours are much less money than what I make. I can not move closer to work either, I work in NYC, any suburb has an hour+ commute, and I dont want to live or raise kids in the city. That is where I struggle. Its almost worth it to grind through for another few years then just stay home...bc I would make more in 1 year here than I would in probably 5 at a different job. I like working, I think my ideal would be to find a job thats 3 days a week so I can still have good time with DS. But again, the money then would probably not be worth it.
    I left NYC because of this exact reason.  I didn't want to raise kids in the city, and any commute to an area we wanted to live was over an hr.  I would have had to leave the house at 6am and not get home until 7-8pm.  I lived that life without kids, and certainly didn't want to live it with kids.

    Thankfully, I was ready to quit my job when I went to them saying DH got a job out of state and we were moving.  I was ready to walk away, but they offered me the option to work from home and I have a desk in a local office about 1 hr from me today.

    The only reason I'm still with my company is because I have the flexibility.  Sure, there are days I'm working 12+ hrs, but I have no commute.  There are weeks I'm traveling 2-3 days a week, so I'm gone completely.  But, there are also days I can step away at 5pm and be done, or take a 10-15 snuggle break with E who is home with a nanny.

    It is a personal choice - although I make about 50k more than DH, I have mommy tracked myself, especially the first year after having E.  I was pretty much doing the minimum, which meant only working 8am-5pm and occasional night and weekend calls.  I'm really 'leaning in' now that E is older and before #2.

    There is only so much advancement I can do working remotely.  And I'm ok with that for now.  I'll never get these years back with E.  The only women in my group based in NY who have stayed working those hours have only done so with a flexible schedule if they live outside Manhattan, or they live in Manhattan with minimal commute times.  The men who have kids all have stay at home wives and one has actually said to me that his 2.5 yr old daughter doesn't recognize him.  I know people make it work, but DH and I were not will to make the sacrifices to make it work.
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  • Puppies+Rainbows+UnicornsPuppies+Rainbows+Unicorns member
    I am in a very similar boat as you and I am counting down the days until I get to "lean back."  I work ~60/week with minimal flexibility and feel like I am on a treadmill where the speed keeps increasing.  I have come to the conclusion that we only live once and that the money is simply not worth it.  My current goal is to make it another year so that we can refinance with a large chunk of change which will get our mortgage payment down and enable us to better live on my husbands salary.  

    I earn 3x what my husband does (finance versus Federal employee) and my not working is going to be a huge financial hit to us--though we will be able to squeeze by on my husband's salary.  After taking several years off I am doubtful that I will be able to get back to where I am career or pay wise (I came up the ranks and do not have an Ivy league pedigree like my peers).  I plan on going back to school and taking a job in a more flexible field which will probably earn 25% of what I currently make.
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  • rockychryslerb2010rockychryslerb2010 member
    K3am said:
    rockychryslerb2010 said:
     The men who have kids all have stay at home wives and one has actually said to me that his 2.5 yr old daughter doesn't recognize him.  
    This makes me sad. It's contrite, but it definitely brings up the adage, work to live, don't live to work.
    I know, this is the same manager who said to me when I went back to work after maternity live 'I try to leave early one night a week so I'm home for bedtime'.  His idea of 'leaving early' was 5:30pm.  I was like, sorry, no thanks.
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  • DiveFrogDiveFrog member
    edited April 2014

    In terms of hours worked in my job it completely depends on what stage my current project is in. If we are in the beginning design phase I work 40hrs a week plus 5hrs of total commute time, and have flexibility to work from home on occasion.

    As projects progress and we finalize design and start building equipment the time required definitely intensifies. The travel picks up because we rarely use local vendors for our system builds. Currently, I am in my  last week of full-time travel (yeah!!) which started the first week of this year. When I travel for work we work crazy hours 12hr days at a minimum. Sometimes we end up having to work weekends.

    Once the equipment ships I get a few weeks of down time and then another intense 4-6months of start-up and validation. Then some down time (40hrs/wk) and then another intense period during product launch.

    I won't ever be a SAHM. I am just not cut out to stay at home, and am a much better parent and spouse if I am working. I think in all honesty it is easier to do my job while kids are little (DD is 22 months). I am much more concerned about my work hours and schedule when our kids will be school aged. That is when all the activities kick into high gear. I think I will most likely try to transition to a less intense job in my field in 5-8yrs.

    In regards to the previous post. My mother always told me not to have children until I was capable of fully supporting myself and them on my own (which includes being able to afford daycare). You never know what could happen, your husband could be killed, or disabled in a car accident, have a serious illness, lose his job, or your marriage could end. I took that message to heart.

    I have a close friend who has 4 children and is SAHM. She doesn't have a college degree and her husband makes a good salary. I have often thought she is totally trapped and completely financially dependent on him, and  is really gambling that nothing happens to him as they don't have nearly enough life insurance either. It would only take a split second for her and her children's lives to be ruined financially and go from middle class relative comfort to essentially living in poverty.

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  • djm31012djm31012 member
    rockychryslerb2010 said:
    K3am said:
    rockychryslerb2010 said:
     The men who have kids all have stay at home wives and one has actually said to me that his 2.5 yr old daughter doesn't recognize him.  
    This makes me sad. It's contrite, but it definitely brings up the adage, work to live, don't live to work.
    I know, this is the same manager who said to me when I went back to work after maternity live 'I try to leave early one night a week so I'm home for bedtime'.  His idea of 'leaving early' was 5:30pm.  I was like, sorry, no thanks.

    i agree with this as well--its so sad...however...DH works late alot and misses DS id say 3 nights a week...however..on the nights he comes home (call it for bath and bed time) and on the weekends, he is totally present and he and DS are like best friends. He does also do the morning routine so they get time together every day. But i wouldnt say just because he works alot DS doesnt know who he is...
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  • MommaP12MommaP12 member
    I'm all about work to live and not live to work.  I am very lucky to work for a company that has great work life balance and requires a 37.5 hour work week.

    That said, I work exactly 37.5 (8:30-5 with an hour lunch) hours a week and commute about 45-60 minutes a day round trip.   I'm gone from about 7:55-5:35 which I don't think is bad at all.   When DS starts kindergarten in the fall, we'll all leave the house at about 7:40 because his morning bell rings at 7:55.    
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  • dashofrealitydashofreality member

    I took my corporate gig to part time with 2 days wfh when I had my DD 3 years ago and then went part time with full time wfh when we moved because my husband is active duty. I had been working 24 hours a week (on paper, did a bit more and I am always available to make my gig work) now I am up to 32 hours. Yes, I'm mommytracked, but not as much as I would have thought. I have been promoted once in those three year and I'm looking at my second promotion this summer. I would be getting a bigger promotion to management if I wasn't WFH, but that is more about my husband and less about the kids.

    I don't think you have a child yet? I would wait and see, your feelings may change. I don't have a desire to be a SAHM, but I look at my VP with twins working 80-90 hours and even for her $1M+ salary I wouldn't do it. I'm very happy that I stepped back and now I am looking to start 'leaning in' a bit more in the next year or so. We are also considering a move to be near family away from the city where we can both have good jobs. I never thought that would happen, but your desires change as you and your family grow.

    DD Nov 2010 ~ DS June 2012
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  • rockychryslerb2010rockychryslerb2010 member
    DiveFrog said:
    djm31012 said:
    rockychryslerb2010 said:
    K3am said:
    rockychryslerb2010 said:
     The men who have kids all have stay at home wives and one has actually said to me that his 2.5 yr old daughter doesn't recognize him.  
    This makes me sad. It's contrite, but it definitely brings up the adage, work to live, don't live to work.
    I know, this is the same manager who said to me when I went back to work after maternity live 'I try to leave early one night a week so I'm home for bedtime'.  His idea of 'leaving early' was 5:30pm.  I was like, sorry, no thanks.

    i agree with this as well--its so sad...however...DH works late alot and misses DS id say 3 nights a week...however..on the nights he comes home (call it for bath and bed time) and on the weekends, he is totally present and he and DS are like best friends. He does also do the morning routine so they get time together every day. But i wouldnt say just because he works alot DS doesnt know who he is...


    If your child doesn't recognize you, I have to say that isn't from working 60-70hrs a week, that is from checking out and NOT being involved and interested when you ARE at home, and/or not making an effort when you are traveling.

    I have been traveling EVERY single week of this year. I am working 12hr days at a minimum. I am not going to say it's ideal. It is far from it. But, I make both work AND my child a priority. I facetime with DD every night I am away. I step off the floor and stop my work and find an empty office and take 30-45minutes for my family. We read a book, we sing songs, I watch her play and ask DH about his day and evening. I am home on the weekends and she gets my complete and undivided attention then. On the weekend that I did not get to come home I managed to arrange to have DD brought to me so that we could spend the evenings together after I was done working. Not only does my daughter still recognize me, but I am still her favorite person. 

    I definitely agree you can make it work, this man obviously put work in front of family.  He actually recently just took another job, with less travel (he was also gone on projects Mon-Thurs for months at a time, with lots of weekend work too).  He and his wife are expecting #2, and I'm sure she told him he has to be around more. 

    I always joke that I could never be married to any of the men I work with because they are absent fathers.  I love that my husband has the easier schedule (federal govt job) and we pretty much split everything 50/50, with some weeks he does even more.  I have spent more nights away from E than he has, given all the travel I has to do with my job.
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  • djm31012djm31012 member
    dashofreality said:

    I took my corporate gig to part time with 2 days wfh when I had my DD 3 years ago and then went part time with full time wfh when we moved because my husband is active duty. I had been working 24 hours a week (on paper, did a bit more and I am always available to make my gig work) now I am up to 32 hours. Yes, I'm mommytracked, but not as much as I would have thought. I have been promoted once in those three year and I'm looking at my second promotion this summer. I would be getting a bigger promotion to management if I wasn't WFH, but that is more about my husband and less about the kids.

    I don't think you have a child yet? I would wait and see, your feelings may change. I don't have a desire to be a SAHM, but I look at my VP with twins working 80-90 hours and even for her $1M+ salary I wouldn't do it. I'm very happy that I stepped back and now I am looking to start 'leaning in' a bit more in the next year or so. We are also considering a move to be near family away from the city where we can both have good jobs. I never thought that would happen, but your desires change as you and your family grow.


    I have a 14 month old so h ave been back to work for a year.
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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    I choose to work 80% full time equivalent. I have the same continuing education, certification, and compliance expectations as full time, so there is a larger proportion of uncompensated work. But I have more flexibility, which is worth it to me. It translates to about 13 shifts per month instead of 16.
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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  • cedentoncedenton member
    I work 40 hrs a week with little flexibility. WAH is only for emergencies. As a salaried employee there's always the possibility of more hours. I also occasionally travel for work. DH is a cop and works 12 hour shifts, rotating days off and switching between day and night shift every 28 days. Between our two schedules, we can only handle one child so plan to be one and done.
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  • dglvrk2dglvrk2 member
    amy052006 said:
    djm31012 said:

    Ok-so most people seem on the same page as me.  I have often felt like the minority on this board, but I am glad to see I was mistaken!  I will never regret this time here and DS is doing amazing at daycare/with my sister in law. But as he gets older and we talk about having more kids...it just doesnt seem physically possible. People say to me "get a live in."  Sure, I could do that..many people do...but i have no interest..that would not make DH, myself or DS happy and fulfilled.

    It is possible that some of the posters who talk about enjoying and thriving on these hours have spouses and/or partners who work less.  Or maybe not.  I know that for us, having two parents working extended hours just wasn't what we wanted.
    DH went to four days a week last month, when I returned to work FT after ML for our second LO. Having him at home with our girls one day a week even makes me feel better about working longer hours when necessary.  I may be changing jobs within my field in the next few years and would have to work even longer hours than I currently do.  He's fine with staying PT, especially if my longer hours means I make more money.  I wouldn't want both of us working more than 40/week on a regular basis.  I live in San Francisco and know many parents who both work extended hours. Everyone in their families seems happy with this arrangement.  We could be one of these couples, but neither of us want this right now.  
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  • mae0111mae0111 member
    CTGirl30 said:

    FT40 hrs here and my husband works more than that and often travels.

    With that said, I also work to live and do not live to work. We do not NEED my salary but it certainly gives us more of a buffer each month, allowing us to save more for our retirement / savings / discretionary spending.

    I've been feeling especially exhausted lately, though, with trying to keep up on the treadmill of life with all that it entails having a job, 2 small kids, any kind of social life, me-time, etc. I haven't excercised in too long. I am so tired at the end of the day that I fall into bed after finishing up all the Must Do's on my list.

    What I would really like to do is drop down to PT or a little less once my kids are in school so I can be available for homework / after school stuff and still have the chance to work a little, too. I need the balance in my life but right now I'm just drained a lot of the time and it's feeling unbalanced.

    All of this.  I'm feeling very much like this lately.  And I, too, plan to at least go PT when the kids are in school, if not stay home all together.  I just don't feel like this pace is sustainable, and it's not going to get easier when the kids are in school.
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  • momtojadmomtojad member
    I am gone 40-50 hours a week.  My husband stays at home so it is a little different because we have made the decision to be one income.  I hate it though.  I want to stay home and I want him to work.  I never graduated college because I was very fortunate to get thrown into a career where there is a lot of money to be made.  Two and half years ago I accepted a position that was less hours in preparation to start a family thinking I would then quit the job to stay home.  My husband has two bachelors and a masters and hasn't been able to secure employment in 3 years (green card issues).  I will up and leave my steady income and great job in a heartbeat to stay home.
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  • lulubelle21lulubelle21 member
    Working, plus commute I'd say I put in 50-55 hours a week. I have a great work life balance and a very understanding boss who understands that kids get sick and things come up.
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  • DivallynDivallyn member
    I work about 45 hours a week. I have a great work life balance. I get six weeks off a year plus a boss whom is very understanding. I can also work from home in emergencies. I make about 50% more than my husband and have a very promising career that I enjoy and get a lot of fulfillment out of. I stayed home with our son for the first year (in Canada) and while I enjoyed spending the time with him and having so much extra time I really missed the adult interaction, the challenge, providing for our family and most importantly maintaining the ability to provide for my family if something was to happen to my H or our marriage.
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  • JillianGoeJillianGoe member
    edited April 2014
    amy052006 said:

    I work part time -- about 20-24 hours a week -- in my career field.  I'm not naive enough to think I haven't mommy tracked myself, but we could afford for me to do it so I took the leap.  


    I did the long hours/travel thing pre-kids -- kids or not, to me that would have been a crappy lifestyle for an entire career.  It just was not what i was looking for out of life.  Now with kids, there is just no way.  I like the extra time I get with my kids -- it's just that simple.

    I eyeroll the whole "I have a degree and want to use it".  College isn't trade school -- you can use your degree every day no matter what you do.  It's not like being trained for a particular skill and then never using it.


    This is me exactly... I could have written this entire thing myself.

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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member

    My work offers an incredibly flexible schedule.  Yes, I'm expected to be available 8-5, plus off hours for global conference calls.  But I can flex my time as needed, so long as my overall deliverables are not impacted.  Yep - it's nice to be treated like a professional!  I will say though that in recent times our schedules are being a bit more micromanaged as our company is not doing great.  But I continue doing what I need to do and prioritizing and I have to say: I have no complaints.  Of course if they ask me to start turning in a timecard (I'm salaried) I would flip a b*tch!

    What is funny is that I ran in to my SAHM friend this last weekend and she is SOOO stressed out!  Granted they are closing on their house in the same week as her due date with LO#2.  But I mean, really, that is her own doing.  She pushed for the bigger house and the immediate need to move forward even though her husband was against it (marital conflict adding to her stress).  Personally I would have made house #1 work (1900 sq ft with 2 kids is doable, IMO).  Poor planning on her part.  Maybe if she had actually finished her masters degree program she would have been better equipped to look at the big picture and make more rational decisions.  Totally kidding!!

    But it did cause me to compare our two lives.  I am incredibly busy with work, family, time/money consuming hobby and I am active in DD's daycare's PTO, which puts on at least one monthly event.  And I take DD to swim once per week.  So my schedule is swamped.  But I'm not stressed to the point she was.  I am very careful about prioritization and time management.  I figure if I'm going to complain about my schedule then it is my own fault and my own responsbility to fix it.

    We all make our own beds...

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  • KayteeGeeKayteeGee member
    I work 50+ hours/week regularly - in the office 9-6 M-F and then pick up work when clients need things or when I just need to finish projects after DS goes to bed.  60+ sometimes when we have events/openings.  DH works a ton, too.  Though my salary is at least double his.   DS is in daycare and he does really well with it and we just maximize our time with him.

    I really like my job.  It's stressful for sure and requires commitment, but I'm very well compensated and to go to a more traditional 40 hrs I'd be looking at a $60-100k annual pay decrease.  That just doesn't make sense to me.  We'll see what happens when I have DD in Aug/Sept but I can't see massive changes, save we are getting a nanny who can watch DD and pick up DS from pre-K!!  I have a decent level of flexibility for appts etc... but no WFH or anything.

    Ultimately, DH and I both make what I consider really good money and live in an MCOL area, but we are not nearly as well off as some of our friends.  I honestly don't know how people make the kind of $$ they make.  It kind of blows my mind - super fancy cars every two years, tip to toe home remodels and redecorating every 5 years, $20k annual private school tuitions...
    Maybe we just save more?? or maybe my idea of good money is not really good money...???

    Regardless, I couldn't ever be OK walking away from my current gig.  I'm so fortunate to do what I love and get paid what I do.

    I am also terribly freaked about not having anything to "fall back on" should something happen to DH.   That and I like not having to spend someone else's money.  And I know that's crazy, but I think for me it would always feel like I had to ask permission to spend....
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